Cheat Vol1

"It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break
any" Mae West - 1937
This publication is intended solely for reference and educational use. The author and/or publisher makes no absolute assurance that the information contained in this publication is comprehensive, nor does the author and/or publisher warrant that the content matter will be suited to the particular needs of the reader. This publication provides the author's opinion in regards to the subject matter contained herein. The author and/or publisher do not render any legal or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. This publication addresses electronic equipment and other techniques, which may not be legal in all jurisdictions. Check the laws in your local jurisdiction or state before applying any methods described in this publication. The author and/or publisher expressly disclaim any liability, loss or risk incurred as a consequence of the use and application, either directly or indirectly, of any advice, information or methods presented herein. This publication is copyrighted. Reproduction or duplication of this publication, or any portion of it, by any means, electronic or otherwise is strictly prohibited without the express and written consent of the author and/or publisher is a violation of international copyright laws and will be prosecuted.
How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume I Copyright 1996-2003 Edward Talurdey. All rights reserved.
How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume I
Preface....................................................................................3 How You Let Them Get Away with It.......................................6 When Cheating is Most Likely to Happen ...............................16 The Warning Signs of the Cheat .............................................28 Lies, Lies, and Then Some More Lies.....................................41 The Telephone: Your Best Friend and Their Worst Enemy.....55 Other Eyes and Ears They Wish Didn't Exist ..........................73 The Paper Trail of an Affair.....................................................83 Now Go Out and Do It .............................................................99
How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1
"Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage" Benjamin Franklin - 1732
This publication is not about how to save your relationship. There will be no sermons on how you need to seek a qualified therapist, how men are from here and women are from there, or if you really stick to it and work hard, you and your partner can get it back.
The truth is there are plenty of people on television, in magazines, or giving seminars, including celebrities, psychologists, and people "of a higher calling", willing to sell you their ideas on how to make relationship's work. Unfortunately, they all sell a different flavor of the same thing; false hope.
Interestingly enough, with all of these individuals offering solutions to the problems in your relationships, the divorce rate in
America has and continues to remain at a steady fifty percent. And our advice giving friends, the psychologists, enjoy the highest divorce rate among their peers in the medical profession.
So what's the point? People are people. They are the way they always have been, and always will be. Unfaithful. There is no more a solution to this problem than there is to the problem of people killing each other. It's just human nature. If animals have behavioral flaws, we try to breed away those flaws. So now we have killer bees. With humans, we try to eliminate the flaws with drugs or psychology. And surprise, surprise, people lie and cheat just as much as they always have.
If you want to spend a lot of time and money on all these different programs, go ahead, I wont stop you. This publication isn't about any of that. It is about how your mate cheats on you and how to catch them. By learning and applying the techniques described in this publication, not only will you dramatically increase the chances of catching your mate, but you will do so in a manner that cannot be argued, explained, or reasoned away. And
once this happens, you'll wonder why you ever worked so hard to stay miserable in the first place.
"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity" Frank Leahy - 1955
What is the number one reason why affairs go undetected?
Luck Stealth and Furtiveness Fate Intelligence and Diligence Creative Lies
The answer isnone of the above. The number one reason why affairs go undetected is ego. That is the belief that you are so great or that your partner has it so good with you, that they would never be unfaithful to you. The irony of this is that even if you are great, and even if your partner does have it so good with you, they
can still go out and cheat. Once you get past your ego, you will have gotten over the first hurdle in catching your unfaithful mate.
Everyone, at one point or another, has either said themselves or heard someone else say lines such as "he would never do that to me, he loves me" or "when would she have the time". What both of these statements are really saying, as well as any others like it, is "my partner would never cheat on me". They may have cheated on their lovers in the past, but not me. Everyone thinks that they are the exception to the rule, the one that stands out above all the rest. These statements are ego driven, as evidenced by the constant inclusion of the word me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
If you are guilty of saying or thinking these things, then there are a couple of points you need to remember. First, it doesn't make a difference how great looking or wonderful you are. Everyone gets tired or bored of sleeping with the same person at some point. Second, it can take less than five minutes to have sex. If you think your partner can't find five minutes in the day to be alone with someone else, then you better read this book twice and take a long walk. The point is that nearly every excuse as to why your
partner would never be unfaithful to you is going to be egotistically flavored. As long as you continue making up these excuses, you will be catering to the Big E (ego). And the Big E is always more than happy to let them get away with it.
Another phenomenon that seems to overtake people is the apparent nonexistence of common sense. Everyone magically becomes Dick Tracy or Sigmund Freud when analyzing other people's relationships, but they are deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to their own. For example, if your friend is describing the way his or her mate is behaving, you'll say "they're cheating on you" or "I would never put up with that". And they of course they will say the same things to you. But you can never admit these things to yourself. You lack objectivity. That is the ability to remain emotionally detached while examining a situation or problem.
Objectivity is difficult to maintain in any emotional situation. You must however, achieve some level of objectivity before you can move forward. If you do not, every warning sign or trace of infidelity will pass you by. The simplest way to do this is to look at
your situation as if it were someone else's. If your best friend was going through what you are going through, what would you think? What advice would you give? Once you have done this, follow your own advice. Use your common sense and your intuition. You have it for a reason, and it is seldom wrong.
When it comes to how you let them get away with it, there is another point that you need to consider. It may not be entirely your fault. You can have a lot of help from your partner. In fact, they will do whatever they can to ensure you remain oblivious to their affairs. This help comes primarily in the form of manipulation.
Manipulation can be defined as getting someone else to think or do what you want them to. Whatever it is, it will always be to the manipulators benefit. Manipulation cannot be confused with control. Control is blunt and direct. It says you will do this, or you will not do that. Manipulation is gentle and alluring. It makes you want to do this, or not want to do that. Manipulation typically occurs without you even knowing that it is happening. As an example, let's say your spouse is out for the fifth time in as many nights. You are livid. You have decided that when he or she
comes home, you're going to let loose. There is going to be a serious confrontation. Finally, your spouse makes their way through the door. A fight ensues, but somewhere along the line, intoxicating words are spoken and you are calmed. You end up feeling so lucky just to be with them. You my friend, have just been manipulated.
In general, women are better physical manipulators and men are better emotional manipulators. Women dominate the physical aspect because they can offer sex as part of the manipulation. Some people may tend to argue that women do not control a consenting sexual encounter. The fact is they do. Because if a woman says no to sex, and it happens anyway, it can be called rape. Men do not have this option. Additionally, women can also deny sex as part of the manipulation. When they do this, it will make the man think that he has upset the woman. He will fear that he's never going to have sex with her again. Due to this unpleasant prospect, he will change his tune and refrain from future interrogations about her fidelity. For example, how many times have you heard a woman state "he's not getting any tonight"? Conversely, how many times have you heard a man
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state "she's not getting any tonight"? It rarely happens. Women realize at an early age that their sexuality gives them certain powers. Whether this realization is innate or learned remains the subject of debate. What is certain however, is that if a woman is being unfaithful, she will use sex as a form of manipulation. It will keep her mate off of her heels.
Although not nearly as effective, women will make forays into the world of emotional manipulation. Instead of sexually laced overtures, they will use reassuring phrases. The most common of these phrases is, "If I wanted to be with someone else, I wouldn't be with you". While this phrase can certainly be used by a faithful and honest woman, the need for them to do so simply wouldn't exist. The object of phrases such as these is to reassure the man that everything is going to be alright. This is not dissimilar to the words spoken by a mother to her distraught child. In this instance, it will make the man think, "Gee, she's right. Why would she still be with me if she was running around with someone else?" There may be many answers to this question. Perhaps she is not ready to leave him, or the other man is not in a position to be with her just yet. Whatever the answer may be, the question was
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generated by the woman's attempt at emotional manipulation. The key point to remember is this: if you have cause for concern about the fidelity of your female mate, take notice of these reassuring statements. Pay particular attention to any statements where comparisons are made. These comparisons will be based on you and your relationship versus someone else or something else. A something else or a someone else has to exist in order for a comparison to even be made. A faithful women will speak only of you. Since there is no one else, no comparison can be made. The potentially unfaithful on the other hand, will speak of more that just you.
However effective a woman's emotional manipulations may be, they cannot match those of the man. It is one of the balancing acts in life. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every power, there exists an identical yet opposite power. While the woman dominates physical manipulation, the man dominates emotional manipulation.
Men can make women feel loved and wanted by using only words. Which of course means that they can manipulate a
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woman into thinking or doing anything by the act of opening their mouths. While a woman can get a man to do or think anything by spreading her legs or the promise thereof, the man prefers to use a different orifice. This form of manipulation by men is commonly known as telling them what they want to hear. By using deeply personal compliments about the woman or about the relationship, an unfaithful man will keep his partner at bay. Some typical examples of these would include, "you are so pretty", "you are so sexy", "you really turn me on", "you have a great body" or "you are the best I've ever been with". While some of these phrases are usually associated with come on's during early dating, they are pure manipulation in an unfaithful relationship. This does not suggest that anytime men say these words to women that they are cheating. However, it does suggest that if the woman has true cause to believe her man is being unfaithful, she is being manipulated.
As a rule, men will not use sex as a form of manipulation. It is not their nature. While completely appropriate for a woman, to a man, it is not challenging or plausible enough. He is much better suited for words, and in the domain of "telling her what she wants
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to hear". Just as women are aware of their sexual power, men are aware of their verbal power. This is reinforced by the mating rituals which men are subject to. It is the man who must ask the woman on a date, it is the man who must ask the father for the daughter's hand in marriage, and it is the man who must ask the woman to be his bride. By accomplishing tasks throughout his life with the power of words, emotional manipulation becomes second nature to him. And something he is very good at.
While you may have help in letting them get away with it, you alone must accept the blame for not discovering infidelity. Yes, they may manipulate you into helping them with their task, but ultimately, the responsibility falls upon your shoulders. You must let loose of your ego, be objective, and use common sense. If you do not, you are virtually ensuring that infidelity will continue unchallenged.
For your mate, cheating is extremely reliant on you granting them the ability to do so. You granting them the ability is also very important in the task of ultimately catching them. Once you have accepted that fact that you have been letting them get away with
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it, you must continue to let them do so. If you pressure them, they will begin taking great care in protecting the secrecy of their affairs. You do not want this to happen. It will only make your job of catching them that much harder. For all intents and purposes, you have been deaf, dumb, and blind up until this point. Now you must continue this behavior. Just as their behavior tipped you off, your behavior can tip them off. Accept the fact that they have been cheating on you and lying to you, and then move on to the following chapters. Your chance to return the favor, and gain back your dignity and respect is on the way. Be patient.
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"Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot" Oscar Wilde - 1891
While infidelity can occur at anytime in a relationship, there are certain times when it is more likely to occur than others. In addition, there are certain relationship factors which can dramatically increase the potential for infidelity.
Throughout the life of nearly all relationships, there are four timetable events which can breed infidelity.
After the First Year of Marriage . This generally is a time at which most people would not consider the likelihood of infidelity to be that great. For this reason, it is also the time when affairs are the least detected.
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After the first year of marriage, the whirlwind ends, and routine begins to set in. The emotional high that both partners had been experiencing is gone. This leaves a void. It is similar to the effects of drugs. Once you are high and come back down, you want to get high again. The new husband or wife may no longer consistently supply what is needed to find that high.
As with most aspects of relationships, men and women will be driven to find this high based on different emotions. This is where the instinctual physical needs of a man, and the instinctual emotional needs of a woman, will part ways to achieve the same end.
For a man, he will feel the physical need to conquer. He will find himself to be a young man, facing the prospect of only attracting one woman for the rest of his life. He will need to reassure himself that not only can he still attract other women, but that he can get them into bed as well. And by doing so, he hopes create the high that had been missing.
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Affairs for men after the first year of marriage are both physically and egotistically driven. His ego tells him he must conquer other woman to prove he still "has it". He must prove he can still do better. His body, or physical need, is quite content to tag along for the ride. Once he has done this, his insecurities will settle down and he can continue his life as a new husband.
For a woman, she has come down from an extreme emotional high. Her new husband may appear disinterested in bringing her back up again. Every girl dreams of her wedding day, the pageantry of it, and all of the attention she will receive. The pleasure of the honeymoon follows. Finally, there is the excitement of going places and doing things as husband and wife.
Alas, it all wears off. The thrill ride is over, and she no longer feels as popular or wanted as she used to. The excitement of an affair with another man can bring her up again. She will be the subject of constant attention. She will be catered to. She will feel that she is once again in the spotlight. Her need for an emotional high will have been met, regardless of the price she may pay.
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Once she feels this, she too will settle down into her role as the new wife.
Affairs occurring after the first year of marriage are almost never detected, and are typically just flings. There is no real emotional attachment to the other person and the cheating partner can still feel love their new husband or wife. Regardless, if it happens here, the chances of it happening again later on in the relationship have increased substantially. Infidelity, like the crimes of a common thief, will continue as long as it is not caught and punished.
After the First Child is Born. This occurrence can sometimes be blended in with the previous scenario, as many couples may have their first child after the first year of marriage. Aside from that, the reasons between the two can be very different.
Children change a relationship no matter how you look at it. And the first child is always more traumatic than the rest. It brings about stress, fatigue, and the need to give the majority of your attention to someone other than your husband or wife. While
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affairs after the first year of marriage are brought about by an individuals feelings towards himself or herself, affairs after the first child are brought on by the couples feelings towards each other.
A man may become both physically and emotionally less attracted to his wife. Perhaps she has put on weight and not taken it off, seems disinterested in sex, or favors attention to the child rather than him. Because of her responsibilities as a mother, a man may feel his partner is no longer fun or spontaneous. Any combination of these missing qualities will lead him to search for them somewhere else.
A woman will feel the need to break out of the stereotype that once a woman gives birth to a child, she is no longer as attractive as she once was. Her partner certainly fuels these feelings by his own seeming disinterest in her. In addition, a woman will feel controlled as she never has before in her life. The woman is typically the primary caregiver to the child. This bears a lot of responsibility. She must always be home, if not for the child, then for her husband. She has lost her freedom. Due to these circumstances, she will feel the need to act irresponsibly.
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However these acts may begin, they will usually end with her in bed with another man. What further point is there from the responsibilities of mother and wife? It will be her sanctuary. A place to be with someone else, somewhere else, where she can skirt her duties for awhile. A place where she is made to feel like a woman again. A place where she is receiving attention rather than giving it.
The 5th to 7th Year. This is widely referred to as the seven year itch. It does not imply that at exactly the seven year point in a marriage, someone will have an affair. What is does mean is that somewhere around this time, it may. This is due to the relationship running it's natural course, and achieving the goals which had been set. A couple gets married, has kids, buys their dream house and establishes their careers. So what's left now? Doing the same thing day in and day out for the rest of their lives? Growing old and bored together? The anticipation of greater things to come is gone.
This scenario is the most common cause of all affairs. A man or woman may feel that the "project is completed" and nothing is left
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to do but sit and watch the days pass. They are bored, unhappy or just plain tired of living the American dream. A new house may be purchased, perhaps a new car. Hey, lets have another baby. Anything to add some excitement. But the rush from these quick fixes is short-lived and bittersweet at best.
Both men and women alike will find themselves daydreaming of days long past. They will see younger couples living carefree lives as they once did, and miss it. No responsibility, going out on the town, whole weekends spent in bed. The memories of how it used to be. Fear or uncertainty will set in. They will believe they are too young to be quite so settled down. The regrets of opportunities never taken and experiences never felt will creep upon them. An affair can be the anecdote to these feelings. It can make them feel like they used to, and it can make them discover the things they had never experienced.
Affairs occurring at this stage in the relationship are often the most damaging. The cheating individual traditionally develops a deep bond with the other person. The faithful mate will question the others fidelity more than at any other point. Affairs occurring
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during this period will continue for the longest period of time as well.
Middle Age. Also known as the mid-life crisis. This is where the children are all grown and have left an empty nest. At this point, both men and women begin to question their lot in life. They are essentially back where they started; a couple living together with no children to care for. Except now they have around twenty years of experience with each other. This lends itself to the question of whether they want to spend another twenty plus years with the same individual.
This second childhood so to speak, brings around noticeable changes in both men and women. A man might buy a sports car, a woman might feel the need for a new youthful hairstyle. Both may start exercising or purchase a new, "younger" wardrobe. Whatever the particulars, they will not be doing this for the benefit of the other. They will be doing it for themselves as much as for anyone other than their mate.
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Since the maturity level of human beings is much higher at this stage, and the time left seems so short, when affairs do happen they typically will not drag on forever and a day. They will end comparatively quick, one way or another (the cheating partner leaves or stays). Affairs occurring at this stage during a lifetime are also the easiest to detect. While humans lack the greatest amount of common sense during childhood, they again lapse into this behavioral weakness during the mid-life crisis. It seems to get lost in the giddiness and excitement of feeling young again. For someone attempting the catch his or her unfaithful mate, this is a welcomed occurrence. The sloppier they are the easier your job.
While time-table scenarios are good indicators as to when affairs are most likely to occur, there are other relationship factors which can play a key role.
Age at Marriage . An individual married at twenty years old, stands a dramatically higher chance of cheating than someone married at thirty years old.
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The younger someone is when they get married or involved in a serious relationship, the less experience they have with other individuals or relationships in general. And at some point, they are going to want to find out what it is they missed by becoming someone's property at such a young age. Being married or tied to someone exclusively at a young age is by far the most common catalyst for infidelity.
Length of Courtship. A couple who knew each other for two months before getting married stands a much higher chance of experiencing infidelity than a couple who knew each other for two years.
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you! That's how the song goes. And the less you know, the more you may eventually grow to dislike. While couples who barely knew each other when they got married make a great story, they also make a great deal of money for divorce lawyers. People who instantly throw themselves into the commitment of a new relationship typically throw themselves out just as quickly. Insecurity is a major player in people like this, just as it is in infidelity.
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Previous Marriages. Someone who has been married before has a higher chance of experiencing infidelity in a new relationship than someone who has not. While not always the case, infidelity is a contributing factor to divorce the majority of the time.
The danger in new relationships where one or both parties have previously been married is caused by a learned behavioral trait known as interactive conditioning. With interactive conditioning, a person is conditioned to behave a certain way based on the experiences learned while interacting with others.
If the previously married person was the one cheated on, that person is likely to be cheated on again. He or she has been conditioned to act or respond to their mate in certain ways. Whether it be the way they treat their partner, or the way they respond when angered or hurt, these behaviors may have played a part in their previous partners foray into adultery. If these behaviors are again displayed toward the new partner, they may be met with the same results.
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If the previously married person was the one who was doing the cheating, they have been conditioned to be unfaithful. Every time their new relationship begins to strain, they will feel the urge to run to where things feel familiar. This is usually somewhere in the land of the cheat. Every time their previous partner upset them, they most likely ran to their lover for comfort and support. This is a very hard habit for them to break. And the more unhappy they become in a new relationship, the higher the probability of them reverting back to their old ways.
While previous marriages and fidelity can co-exist peacefully, the likelihood of infidelity must be considered. If adultery took place in a prior marriage, it stands a great chance of occurring in the new marriage. Everyone is born with the ability to cheat. Most do, some do not. But once they do or have it done to them, it becomes a conditioned response to marital discord. And these responses by habit and by nature, can be very difficult to control.
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"The hardest thing to cope with is not selfishness or vanity or deceitfulness, but sheer stupidity" Eric Hoffer - 1954
Everywhere you go today, there are warning signs. Dont walk. Construction ahead. Private property. May cause cancer. With all of these warning signs everywhere we go, constantly reminding us to pay attention and be aware, the warning signs of infidelity remain virtually ignored. And it is the cuts of infidelity which go the deepest.
This chapter is devoted wholly to the warning signs of the cheat. What your partner does that should tip you off to his or her adulteress or adulterer ways. These warning signs should not only debunk a few myths, but open your eyes as well. It is important to consider these warning signs as they apply to your relationship. Everyone does things in their own individuals ways.
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If a warning sign doesn't fit your relationship like a glove, perhaps a slight variation of it will.
Sex
The most popular and common belief is that lack of sex in a relationship means someone is cheating. It is true that lack of sex is a warning sign of the cheat. However, that would mean that an increase in sexual activity means no affair. And that is false.
When it come to sex, any change in normal sexual habits are a warning sign of the cheat. When an affair first begins, there will actually be an increase in sexual activity. This is because the libido of the unfaithful person is being highly stimulated and becoming highly active. As the affair moves on, sexual activity will dip well below normal levels. This is due to the growing attachment to the other person. And finally, as the life of the affair slowly begins to fade, another increase in sexual activity will occur. This is due to both guilt and decreased sexual activity with the lover.
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Increased Time Away From Home
Whether it be work, shopping, or going out to the bars, any spike in the amount of time spent with you or at home is warning flag. Also keep in mind that most affairs are work related. And work is the easiest excuse for them to use as to why they are not home yet. It is very simple for them to fuel a work affair by just by going into work a little earlier, and start staying a little later.
Veteran cheaters are well aware to keep the appearance of normal routine in their daily lives. In fact they will go out of their way to ensure that the time spent with you or at home is consistent. For example, if every Tuesday is poker night, when in actuality it is girlfriend night, the man will still go out even if he can't see his girlfriend. He'll go to a movie by himself or wherever else he sees fit to kill a few hours. Just so long as he doesn't break the routine or draw suspicion to himself in any way.
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Unusual Business Trips or Extended Business Trips
Paramount to all affairs is the ability for the lovers to spend uninterrupted time together. Business trips provide a very suitable opportunity to achieve this goal.
A complete business trip, which is actually a lovers get away, is unlikely due to the logistics. Your partner must check in with you, you must know where he or she is staying, how to get a hold of them, etc. What is likely however, is the surprise one night business trip. This is the type of trip where he or she doesn't know what time they will be getting in or what hotel they are at, but they'll call you. I love you and gotta go!
Much more common is the extended business trip. This is where he or she calls you in the afternoon on the day of scheduled return, and says they have to stay an additional night. They can't get a room at their hotel for the extra night, so they will have to find another one. The truth is they're probably not even in the
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same city as that of their business destination. Or, they may very well already be home and holed up at their lovers house.
They Speak of Someone Else Quite Often
This is where Roger is always speaking positively of Tina to his wife Joanne, or where Sally is always talking about Greg to her husband John. Women will tend to do this more than men. Either way, it is always amazing to watch someone who is having an affair, actually tell their mate who their lover is, over and over again. While this is happening, their cheated mate sits back and does and thinks nothing.
Those Mysterious Phone Calls
This is a two part warning sign. It encompasses both calls placed and calls received. Later on you'll learn why this requirement of any affair is truly your best friend.
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While receiving calls, you'll experience a lot of hang-ups, silence, and wrong numbers. If your cheating partner answers, there will be strange flowing conversations, whispers, and walks to different rooms with the door half shut.
When your unfaithful mate is the one placing the calls, you'll notice how a call to a brother or sister, boss or co-worker, can never quite be done in front of you. They will pick odd places and odd times to place the calls, continuing with the pattern of their odd conversations.
New Clothes or Provocative Personal Improvements
The parties in most affairs always try to squeeze a little "real relationship" into their doings. This means that the other man will buy your wife a cute outfit or that the other woman will buy your husband some sexy new underwear. As a rule, when new clothes come into the house, check for receipts. If you are lucky enough
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to find one, verify that the date and time of purchase coincides with where they have been.
Both men and women who are in an affair will put their best effort into looking good. This includes new perfumes or colognes, going to the tanning bed (which can also provide some time with a lover), a new exercise regime, wearing cloths to highlight their best features, and matriculate grooming habits. Any personal improvement which seems unrelated to you in any way, is cause for your concern.
Newly Acquired Tastes
So your wife has always hated country music. Now she has herself a pair of cowboy boots and a Garth Brooks CD. Someone turned her onto it. She'll tell you it was such and such, but as a rule, only the opposite sex can produce 180-degree changes in taste.
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Or perhaps your boyfriend never drank coffee. Hated it. Now he is into double mocha half caf's. What do you want to bet that somewhere there is a woman in his life that drinks the same thing? And it isn't you.
The basic point with this is that people are set in their ways. They like this or they like that. Anytime they introduce new tastes or interests into their lives, take notice. And anytime these new tastes or interests were the very things they had previously loathed, open your eyes because something is staring you right in the face.
Extreme Happiness or Extreme Sadness
Who is the moodiest person you know? Whoever it is, that person does not come close to the mood swings of someone having an affair. The common belief is that affairs are fun, exciting, larger than life events. The truth is, if feelings develop between the two parties, they can turn into a misery pit.
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If your partner leaves the house on top of the world, and returns wearing a sad face, take notice. That may very well be the happiness of going to see their lover, followed by the sorrow of leaving them and coming home to you. Or, if your significant other tends to be Mr. or Mrs. Sadsack on the days they are with you and only with you, consider why this may be. Happiness and giddiness for no apparent reason or seemingly caused by no discernable event should get your attention as well.
The important thing to remember, which is rarely even thought of, is that your cheating mate is juggling two relationships. And just like your own, the "other relationship" is probably no bed of roses either. You know how bad you feel. Imagine feeling that way two-fold. That is what cheating partners who become attached to the other person feels. They cannot help but to have extreme highs and lows with their feelings. Unless your mate has a history of manic depression, you must akin to the fact that mood swings above and beyond any normalcy are tell tale signs of extramarital relations.
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Increased Threats
Basic to this premise, is that it is human nature to become more aggressive or threatening whenever you have something to fall back on. For example, say XYZ company has given you a very attractive job offer. Your present employer is treating you very poorly. Chances are, you are not going to take this treatment quietly. However, if you had no other job offer and nowhere else to go, you would meekly accept this treatment. Affairs are no different.
You may threaten them with divorce or break-up (which by the way, is not a recommended method when catching a cheat) in the hopes that they will straighten up. Your threat will not have the effect you hoped for. You will probably be handed back your same threat with a "and I'm getting the kids, too" added to it. The unfaithful can afford to make these statements, because they have someone else to run to. That someone else is their security blanket. That someone else gives them somewhere else to go.
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This does not imply that if the two of you get in a fight and these words are spoken, that your mate is having an affair. It is the frequency of these statements, and similar ones, which indicate the presence of an affair. Everyone has had these types of fights. But if your partner consistently makes those same threats, take notice. He or she is telling you something. You need to pay attention to catch it. Your unfaithful mate will not be paying attention to what they are saying. They will be speaking from anger and emotion. And as a result, they won't even realize the clues they are serving up.
Coming Home Looking Like They're Ready To Go Out
Everyone is aware of the old popular standbys of checking for lipstick on a collar, the smell of cologne on her shoulder, or underwear being worn inside out. You have to give the unfaithful more credit than that. They are smart enough to take care of the obvious, but in their zest, they often over do it.
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You should pay particular attention to how your partner looks as they leave for their evening out. It is safe to say that none of us come home looking as good as we did when we left. If your partner does, they have probably been somewhere they shouldn't have been. Instead of checking for the scent of the opposite sex, check for the scent of soap, or new perfume or cologne. The strongest scent of soap can be found on the back of the arms or on the stomach. These sections of the body will hold the scent of a fresh shower the longest, as they have the least amount of abrasive contact with clothes. When checking a woman in particular, take notice of the back of her hair. You will be looking for damp ends, or a dampness of the underside of her hair by the neck. This indicates she has taken a shower (don't expect them to have washed their hair, that would be too much trouble for a woman).
A man will have the most difficulty hiding a freshly cleansed body. Since men typically do not carry as heavy of a cologne sent as a woman, soap scents become more detectable. However, a woman can give herself away with fresh makeup and lipstick.
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(Unless you can think of a reason as to why she would need to be freshly made up to come home to you at 2 in the morning.)
This is one of the most overlooked warning signs. People tend to play twenty questions with their mouths when their mate comes home from a night out. Instead, you should keep your mouth shut, and let the scent of your mate tell the story of where they have been. It is the same method used by all the animals in the world, with the exception of the only one that can speak. Humans.
Keep your mouth shut, and your nose and ears open.
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"It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks that he is the best judge of one" Mark Twain - 1935
While man has been able to send himself to the moon, a robot to Mars, and create weapons which can annihilate the world ten times over, he has yet to come up with a machine that can really tell if someone is lying. The truth about polygraph testing is that no one ever knows if it is actually right. It measures things such as heart rate, pulse, breathing, etc. True, these bodily functions can indicate if someone is lying, but they can also indicate if someone is in pain, has stage fright, is having sex, etc. In otherwords, a lie detector test can be beat. And it's biggest flaw, is the manner in which it is given in the first place. If you wanted to catch someone in a lie, would you tell that person that is exactly what you intend to do, ask them to meet you at a specific place and time, hook them up to a machine, and then fire away? They wouldn't be prepared at all, would they? The point is that the best
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way to catch someone in a lie, is to do so without them even knowing it. Ask some questions and soon enough, out will leak all of the little idiosyncrasies that confirm their falsehoods. And that is precisely what this chapter is about. How to tell when your unfaithful mate is lying to you.
In nearly all aspects of human behavior, men and women tend to act differently. Lying is no exception. Sometimes, as individual behavior may vary, a man will lie like a woman or vice versa. But for the most part, the sexes lie in separate and distinct manners. These unique differences make the task of spotting lies a little easier. But regardless, to spot any lie, you must always remain disciplined, alert, rational, and thinking.
While men and woman do lie in different fashions, there are traits common to both sexes. These traits are purely physical, subconscious actions. Lying individuals have no control over these actions, and do not realize what they are doing. Keep in mind that just because someone isn't displaying any of the traits about to be described, that doesn't mean they must be telling the
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truth. However if they are displaying any of these traits, you can rest assure that you are being lied to.
Increased Blinking. When telling a lie, the individual may start to blink his or her eyes more rapidly than normal. This rapid blinking will be very noticeable if you look for it. The cause of this blinking results from the individual's subconscious attempt to close his or her eyes and "make it go away". This is in a way, similar to the phenomenon police detectives witness when interviewing a suspect. They will leave the suspect alone in an interrogation room. If the suspect puts his head down, and closes his eyes as if he were sleeping, the police know they have a guilty man. If he sits up and alertly looks around, they will tend to believe they have an innocent man. By closing his eyes and laying his head down, the suspect is subconsciously "going to sleep" in the hope that he will "wake up" and everything will have gone away.
Touching the Face with the Hand. While telling a lie, the individual will briefly or continually touch his or her face with their hand. Typically, they will touch their face by either the eyes, or
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the mouth. This is the individuals subconscious attempt to "hide" from telling the lie. By placing the hand over the mouth, they are "hiding the lie coming out" from you. By placing the hand around the eyes, they are shielding their eyes from any display of emotion.
Rocking Movements. These body movements include rocking the torso from side to side, twisting the torso from side to side, shuffling the feet, tapping the feet, or other rotating movements. We have all seen children display these characteristics when being confronted by their parents. Thankfully, it is not something humans always grow out of. These subconscious movements are the result of either; one, trying to "run away" from the situation or two, the maternal comforting effect that rocking provides. This gentle and reassuring effect is learned by all of us when we are infants.
Hesitation or a Pause When Answering a Direct Question. This is the classic. A hesitation or pause when answering a direct question almost always means that a lie is the next thing to come out of the mouth. This pause or hesitation occurs because the
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individual must think before answering. Telling the truth does not require one to think, so to speak. If someone asks you what your name is, you answer without hesitation. You know the answer. If you want to give them a false name, you will have to pause so you can think of one. There is an excellent motto that meshes well with this scenario. It goes, "always tell the truth, it is the easiest thing to remember".
Skin Discoloration. When the individual is telling a lie, the cheeks, ears, or neck and throat may become flush. Women will have the higher incidence of neck and throat discoloration, while men are more susceptible to the ears and cheeks.
I'm Sorry. Ironically, these simple words, which as a common courtesy are spoken after you hurt anyone, are rarely spoken after a lie. If an individual was really out doing what they say they were doing, and those actions hurt a loved one, they will not hesitate to offer a sincere "I'm sorry". On the other hand, if the individual is lying about their whereabouts, they will be too agitated about the questioning to even consider it. And if it does come out, it will be terse, not sincere.
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The "I'm sorry" scenario is also an excellent measuring stick as to whether or not the entire truth has come out. When being beaten at their lying game, the individual make backtrack, and make a few confessions. This is done in the hopes of throwing you enough crumbs that you wont' keep searching for the cake. A sincere apology will not follow. You will probably get a response like this: "O.K., I admit I lied to you about that. I'm sorry alright. Do you feel better now? Just drop it". Remember, until you get a sincere apology, you have not been told the whole truth. You have only been told some of it, or perhaps none of it.
We have all been conditioned to look someone in the eye when telling the truth, so it can not be applicable here. It is a safe bet, that truth or lie, you will be looked directly in the eye. Now that in itself will take a little concentration. Experienced or good liars may also be able to control blinking or the rate of their responses. However, consciously controlling all of these movements at once is next to impossible. Pay close attention to the individual if you believe you are being lied to. If they do not physically display any of the above traits, then you must move on to what they are saying, and how they are saying it.
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Men. Men will typically say too much or give too much detail when telling a lie. This is similar to bragging or exaggerating. For example, if a man catches a fish but then it gets away, he will tell everyone it was three feet long, when he knows it was actually only eight inches. The thought process behind a man telling a lie is, "I will give them so much information that they will become lost, disorientated, and then finally give up". And he does this for no covert reason other than it works.
Men will also tend to inject a little humor into their lies. It relaxes their partner, puts them at ease, and throws them off track. For example, a man is late coming home from work. In truth, he was with his lover. His wife questions his whereabouts. He will eliminate her suspicions by telling her an unlikely, albeit funny, story as to why he was late: "Honey, you wouldn't believe it. I was driving home and went to throw my cup of coffee from this morning out the window. The freakin window was up and the coffee went everywhere. So I stopped at the car wash and they didn't have any paper towels anywhere. Some idiot next to me must have had a hundred of them balled up on the ground. So
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then I have to drive to the grocery store, buy a god damn two pack of paper towels, and sit in the parking lot, in my suit, cleaning the car, while all these people are walking by looking at me". The wife will find his back luck story so amusing, and feel it to be so justified, that she won't even bother to look for the remaining paper towels or check his suite or car for the smell of coffee. By going into great and exaggerated detail, then injecting a little humor, he has successfully lied in the way of the man.
Men must elaborate or create unlikely lies or else they will believe their falsehoods to appear too suspicious, to incomplete. They have an urge to tell more than they need to. More it seems with men, is better. Their timing of the events however, will be impeccable. This means that if you piece together where they say they have been, and for how long, the timing will reconcile to the events described. So what you must evaluate, is the true believability of the lie.
If and when the truth does come out of a man, chances are it will be complete and whole. The man's tendency is to want to "get it over with once and for all". He places a value on closure. The
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woman has already outsmarted him, and he would rather walk away with some dignity than to have her continually salt his open wounds.
Men are historically considered the quieter of the sexes. Walking silent and carrying a big stick. When it's lying time though, they transform into the wordy habits of the opposite sex. Women too, display this surprising characteristic. They transform into the quiet habits of men.
Women. While men say too much when lying, women say hopelessly too little. Their fear is that if they say too much, they will be discovered. For example, if a woman goes shopping and then comes home to her husband or boyfriend with her trappings, she will inevitably described every nuance of her shopping adventure to him. "Look honey, I got this, it was twenty percent off! This here, there were only two of them left and this other lady hung some clothes over them and walked away, but I grabbed the one that didn't have the run in the stitching when she wasn't looking. And this, it was regular $120 and I got for $35". All the while her man nods in approval, secretly keeping one eye fixed to
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the television. It is simply the woman's nature to go on in great detail and enthusiasm about any seemingly bland event.
Now, when a woman closes up about her doings, it is inevitable that she is hiding something. If the same woman comes home from her shopping trip, says nothing, curtly answers "fine" to her mates question of "how was shopping?", then shuffles off the bedroom with a bag in her hand, she wasn't shopping the entire time my friend. She is both nervous and afraid that if she offers anymore information, her partner will quickly poke holes in her story. The same goes for any activity she embarks on, and then remains mysteriously quiet about after words.
Women are notorious for their poor attention to detail when they do attempt to expand on a lie. They will backtrack, change their stories, step all over themselves, and generally make an originally sensible story, senseless. Typically, the timing of events will be very poor as well. All of this works to the advantage of the man who is trying to uncover her lies. If she says little, he presses. If she continues, she will self-destruct.
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Woman will also become defensive when caught in a lie. Take notice of this. The truth requires only a short and quick battle to prove its existence. With a lie, it can drag on forever. Additionally, women like to change the subject, or drop the subject all together when caught in a lie. Complete silence or distant behavior are tell-tale signs that a lie has been told and is now being contemplated.
If and when a woman does decide to tell the truth, dont expect it to come out all at once. At best, it will come in little chunks, just enough for the man to swallow. This is a result of embarrassment, guilt, and fear. Women are much more concerned of what other's think of them than their male counterparts. A woman will feel "I have already hurt him, if I tell him everything he won't ever want me again". Until the words "I'm sorry" are sincerely spoken (as referred to earlier in this chapter), she has not told you the complete truth. And it may take a long while before she does.
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If, after all of this, you are still uncertain as to whether or not your partner is being truthful, there are some remaining points to consider.
Logic. All truths and all lies are based upon logic. It makes sense or it does not. Black or white, right or wrong, yes or no. If the story you are being told is not logical, it is a lie. The only logic that can be derived from a lie, is that the sum of its parts will never add up. Only then does it become logical. If a man claims to be at XYZ Bar & Grille all night long, and never runs into his wife's friends, who as it turns out, were also there all night long, he is lying. It is not logical. Use your common sense in instances such as these. Common sense and intuition will seldom lead you astray.
Wait and Ask Again. Earlier in this chapter, a motto was quoted. That motto was "Always tell the truth, it is the easiest thing to remember". If you believe you have been lied to, wait a few weeks and ask the same question again in a very innocent way. If you are given a different answer, bingo has been called. The trick here is in how and when you repeat the question. You
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will want to do it during a good time for the both of you, and be certain that your question appears non-threatening. A good way to do this is act as if you have forgotten their original answer. "Let's see, two weeks ago I went and picked up the package at the store. Did you go with me when I picked up the package?" Of course they didn't. They were somewhere else and you think they are lying about what they did. They may or may not remember what they told you, but since you "can't remember", they will feel that whatever answer they give will be safe.
Intuition. For all the technology, psychology, sociology, and profiling that has been dedicated to the why's and how's of lying, your gut instinct is still the most valuable tool you have. And any detective, private investigator, or judge will tell you the same. If all else fails, and still your gut tells you they are lying, follow it. It will be right more often than it will be wrong. Intuition is something that can be developed. Everyone is born with it. Some make the effort to develop it more than others. An easy and effective method to aid in the development of intuition is to write down events as they happen. What event occurred, what your gut told you the outcome would be, and what the outcome eventually
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turned out to be. You can then review your list, exposing those areas where you tend to have weaker intuition. Work on these weak spots and you will be developing your greatest weapon against all lies. Used in conjunction with the other topics detailed in this chapter, and you will have become your own little lie detector.
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"Our grandparents had affairs just like we do. Except they had the common sense to walk down the street and use a payphone." Unknown
This is perhaps the most important chapter is this book. Affairs today cannot exist without the telephone. Landlines, cordless, cellular, they are all ripe for the picking. Monitoring the telephone is by far the easiest, least expensive, and most successful way to uncover an affair. And it is rock solid. It leaves no room for excuses, explanations, or lies. It may take a little time, a little discipline and a little patience. But it will all be worth it.
NOTICE
The techniques and equipment described in this chapter may not be legal in all countries, states, or jurisdictions. Please check the laws in your area as they may apply to this information before proceeding. The information is this chapter is intended solely for reference and educational use. The author and/or publisher disclaim any personal liability, loss or risk incurred as a consequence of the use and application, either directly or indirectly, of any advice, information or methods presented herein.
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The Telerecorder
The telerecorder is a tape recorder which is designed to record telephone conversations. It automatically begins recording when the phone is picked up, and automatically stops when the phone is hung up. It has a slow recording cycle, meaning that you can fit 60 minutes of conversations of a 30 minute tape. Depending upon the unit, you can typically fit 2 to 8 hours on conversations on a single tape.
This simple device is by far the easiest and most effective means of uncovering an affair. It is low maintenance. It is inexpensive. It is compact and easily hidden. It is nearly undetectable by electronic means. And it is there working away for you, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether you are there or not. Since both sides of the telephone conversation are recorded, an indisputable, undeniable, record of an affair or other unmoral activity is created. Additionally, the newer units will also display the number of who called, or whom was called. Please note that most states require
that both parties of a conversation be informed that the call is
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being recorded. This means its use may be illegal in your jurisdiction. Please check your local laws before using.
Where to Get One . Included in this material is a listing of where to get the equipment you will need. If you prefer an alternate source, you can search the Internet using the keywords telerecorder, telephone recording, surveillance, or spying. Be forewarned that prices can vary dramatically. You do not need the most expensive device, but you will get what you pay for. Additionally, a standard tape recorder can be used. Accessories are available which convert any standard tape recorder into a telerecorder. However, we do recommend that you avoid this and purchase a telerecorder as a standalone device.
How to Install One. Installation is as simple as plugging in a phone. The telerecorder plugs into any standard telephone outlet in your house, apartment, or other dwelling. Individual telerecorders vary, but the hookup generally goes like this. Your telerecorder can run either on batteries or from a standard power outlet. A standard telephone cord is attached between the telerecorder and the phone jack. A splitter is included with the
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telerecorder. This splitter simply allows two phone cords to use a single jack. The splitter is plugged into the phone jack on the wall. The telephone cord for the telerecorder is plugged into one of the splitter's jacks, and your existing telephone is plugged into the remaining splitter jack (with your existing telephone cord).
The unit is now ready to use. All you need to do is press the record button on the telerecorder. It is now armed and ready. Pick up the handset on your telephone, and the telerecorder should begin recording. Hang up, and it should stop. Many telerecorders also have sensitivity settings. These settings allow for a length of silence to occur before the unit stops recording. So if you set the unit for high sensitivity, every time there is a pause in the conversation the unit stops recording. When someone speaks again, it starts. The problem with this is that you may miss the beginning of a new sentence after a pause. For this reason, we recommend that you set your telerecorder to the lowest sensitivity setting possible. Then you will be assured to capture the complete conversation.
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Another little neat feature on some telerecorders is that they begin recording as soon as an incoming call comes in. This means that while your phone is ringing, it is recording. Why is this neat? Because people make a lot of noises or say things while the phone is ringing and they are waiting for someone to pick up. If you are receiving a lot of hang up calls, the sounds of the person who is making the calls is being recorded. If your husband or boyfriend is cheating, you may hear the sounds of a woman on the other end, and vice versa. You may also hear music in the background, other voices, etc. All of these give good indicators as to who may be placing the hang up calls.
Many telerecorders also feature a monitor option. This monitor option allows you to listen to the conversation without picking up the handset on another phone. So, if you are at home when your cheating mate is talking to their lover, you can sit by the telerecorder and listen to what they are saying. We do not recommend that you use this feature. You should always keep the monitor function turned off. The reason for this is that you may forget that you have turned it on. Then, if your unfaithful partner is talking on the phone, he or she will their conversation
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emanating from somewhere else. Investigating they will go, they will find the telerecorder, and you are done for.
Where to Install One . As a rule, avoid the obvious when installing your telerecorder. Remember, it is a furtive device and cannot be discovered. So don't leave it out in the open. And don't stick it under the bed or behind the desk in plain sight for anyone who happens to make the effort to look for it. Always make sure that someone will have to go to a lot of trouble to spot it. When someone is looking for one of these devices, the first place they will start is every phone outlet in the house. Then they will look around to see if they can easily spot a tape recorder. If you hide your telerecorder well, everything will appear normal to them and they will go about their business.
Another thing you need to be aware of is that the telerecorder might make a slightly audible sound when it begins and ends recording. This is just the nature of moving parts. The more expensive models account for this, and remain completely silent. If you do not have one of these units, you must keep this audible sound in mind when placing your device. If your cheating partner
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hears mysterious sounds when they pick up the phone and then again when they hang up, a looking they will go. When you place your telerecorder, test for the noises it makes when it records. If you can hear it, put it somewhere else or muffle the unit with a towel or pillow.
Ideally, you want to place a telerecorder where no one will ever find it. This means away from any known telephone outlet. This will require you to install your own secret phone jack. Attics and garages are good places. Or, you may choose any place where someone would never expect to find a telephone outlet. This may be beyond the ability or desire of many people, but if you want to do this its not that hard. Standard telephone wiring to a phone jack is very simple. Typically, only two wires are used; red and green or yellow and black. You can purchase a 50 or 100 foot roll of telephone wire at any hardware store. You can get a new telephone jack there too. What you then need to do is attach two wires from your new telephone wire onto the back of an existing telephone jack (your existing telephone jack can be removed from the wall by taking out the two screws holding it in place. You will then have access to the back of the telephone jack). Simply place
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the green wire from your new telephone spool with the existing green wire on the back of the telephone jack, and so on with the remaining wires. Now you will need to fish the remainder of your new telephone wire through the wall or under the carpet to the desired location of your new jack. Attach the other end of the wire to the new jack following the same color coded locations on your existing jack. Plug a phone into your new jack. If you get a dial tone, it works and you are ready to record! If not, recheck your connections to the jacks. Make sure the green wire on the existing jack is attached at the same spot on the new jack, and so on. One final note on installing a new telephone jack. Make sure you choose a location that you can get to fairly easily. If you bury it in the far corner of an attic, it will be a real pain to get to your telerecorder everyday to listen to recorded conversations or install a new tape.
You've Installed It, Now Get Them to Use It. Once you get your telerecorder installed and ready to go, you will be anxious to start hearing your cheating mates conversations. You can speed this process along by not only tempting them to use the phone, but by inviting it. Leave the house, go shopping, see a movie, get
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lost for a couple of hours. Come back briefly, and then leave again. Give your partner a chance to use the phone undisturbed. But don't expect results the first day. Continue with this pattern. It is possible that your partner has a pre-determined schedule with his or her lover. So they may not be able to talk on the phone during the times you are gone. Vary these times, and if your partner is cheating, you will eventually catch it on tape.
If you do not have the patience for nature to takes it's course, then there is an effective method to make it take it's course. Make absolutely certain that your partner will be home and that you will not be. Then have flowers delivered to your mate. Make sure the card on the flowers is nondescript, and that there is no other way he or she can know who they are from. Stay away from your home for awhile. If they are cheating on you, a phone call will be made to the other person (if for no other reason than to yell at them for sending flowers to the home). And you will have it all on tape. There can be different variations to this trick. Be creative, be careful, and they shall come.
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Cordless Phones
Conversations held over cordless phones can typically be monitored with any basic police scanner. There are two catches. First, in most instances, you will only be able to hear one side of the conversation. And that will be from the cordless phone the scanner has attached itself to. Secondly, monitoring phone conversations over a police scanner may be illegal in your jurisdiction. Again, check your local laws before proceeding.
Some of the newer cordless phones now include voice scrambling. This means you will only hear garbage over a scanner. This will render the scanner useless for listening to conversations on that particular phone. Cordless phone manufacturers have added this feature for that exact reason.
Cordless phones come in two types these days. Standard range and 900Mhz-2.4Ghz range. All standard cordless phones will typically transmit between the frequency of 47 to 49Mhz. What this means to you is that any bare bones, hand held police
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scanner can pick up the conversation. If you do get a scanner, make sure to get a hand held one - this will give you mobility.
How you pick up a conversation from a cordless phone with a scanner is very simple. Scanners do exactly what they advertise. The constantly scan frequencies looking for a strong signal to lock onto. Knowing that standard cordless phones operate between the frequency of 47 to 49Mhz, you can set your scanner to continually scan only this frequency range. You will need to refer to your scanners manual on how to set your scanner to continually bounce between these frequencies. It normal only takes a few pushes of the button. It is also a good idea to set the scanning range a little high and a little low. For example, set your scanner to bounce between 45 and 51Mhz instead of 47 to 49Mhz. This way, you won't miss anything due to an anomaly in the frequencies. You can also find the frequency of the standard cordless phone in your house by making a call to someone from your cordless phone while your scanner is on. It will lock onto the frequency of the phone, and you can now set that exact frequency as a preset on your scanner.
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You can also test your scanner by simply walking around your neighborhood with it turned on. Doing this will enable you to get a better feel for how it works. You will hear conversations fade in and out as you move. Generally, the range of a scanner is not that great. You must be within 100 yards or so of your target to be guaranteed clear reception. The more you spend on a scanner, the longer this distance can be. Regardless, the closer you get to your target, the clearer the conversation becomes. For example, if you are in your house listening to your next door neighbor talk on their cordless phone, you will be amazed at the ability of a scanner. It will be so clear, you will think that you are part of the conversation (and depending upon your relationship with your neighbors, you may very well be)!
Private detectives like to use a couple of techniques with scanners. First, they like to drive around in their cars trying to locate the frequency of the party they are after. They will be using a permanently mounted scanner in their car. This will give them a stronger signal than a hand held scanner (this follows the same principle of a hand held cellular phone having a weaker signal than a permanent car phone). Since time is money to them, this
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method allows them to find what they are looking for more quickly. You do not need to do this, however. Almost all hand held scanners have a jack for earphones. You can plug a pair of walkman headphones into your hand held scanner, and then go for a walk around your house or the target dwelling. It will appear to any onlooker that you are doing just that - going for a walk with your walkman on. In reality, you will be searching for a very special phone conversation.
The second technique they use is actually rather slick. They will use a scanner and telerecorder combination. First, they will find out the exact frequency that the target phone transmits from (by using any of the techniques described above). Once they lock onto the frequency of the target phone, they will set a hand held scanner to this frequency. Next, they will attach the telephone recorder to the scanner. They will then place both units in a watertight plastic bag, and throw them in the bushes of the target house. Anytime someone in that house uses the cordless phone, the scanner detects it and the telerecorder kicks on to record the conversation. The private detective then comes back in a day or two when no one is around, and retrieves his equipment.
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The "other cordless phones", the 900Mhz-2.4Ghz model, is a little more expensive to work with. Since it operates in a much higher frequency, you will have to purchase a scanner that can accommodate these high frequencies. And it will cost you a fair amount more than your bargain basement scanner. The plus of the more expensive scanner will be that you can now pick up conversations from any cordless phone. You will also have a greater range and more programming options. You will use these higher-end scanners in the same manner as the simple units. Apply the techniques, and you will be surprised with what you can hear.
Cordless phones and scanners in general, are not the ideal solution to catching an unfaithful mate. This is only because they have a bit more hit or miss nature to them, typically only capture one side of the conversation, and require a significant amount of your time and attention. Beyond that, they offer the ability to uncover infidelity when your partner is sure you are gone and that their calls are not being recorded.
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Cellular Phones
We will touch only briefly on cellular phones at this point. Their true value will be discussed in a later chapter. You can monitor a cellular phone the same way you monitor a cordless phone. However, it is an extreme hit or miss proposition, and would require you to always be secretly hovering around your partner with scanner in hand. For these reasons, we do not recommend that you put too much time or effort into monitoring a cellular phone. You run a higher chance of failure than you do of success.
Caller ID
Simple put, if you do not already have Caller ID get it. And when you get it, don't let your mate know that you have it. If you already have Caller ID, buy another Caller ID unit and don't let your mate know about it. If you purchase a telerecorder, it will be worth your while to spend the extra money to get one with Caller ID built into it. Then you won't need to purchase a separate Caller ID unit.
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Caller ID is a service that displays the name and telephone number of the party who is calling your phone. It is offered as an add-on service from your local phone company, a service you must pay for. A Caller ID unit is the little box which displays this information. You can purchase a Caller ID unit inexpensively at virtually any electronics store and many phones actually come with built-in Caller ID these days. An added benefit of Caller ID is that it displays the time and date the person called, in addition to their name and number. Caller ID is available throughout the United States, and more and more cellular service providers are beginning to offer it as well. It is a great way to find out exactly whom your mate is cheating on you with.
If you do not currently have Caller ID, you will need to contact your local phone company and sign up for it. Then you will need to purchase a Caller ID unit. There are many different brands which all do the same thing, so you don't need to get the most expensive one. Beware though. The charge for your Caller ID service will appear on your monthly phone bill. If your cheating mate sees this, the game is over.
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All you need to do to use the Caller ID unit is put batteries in it, and plug it into an available phone jack. The cord for your existing phone will now plug into the Caller ID unit, instead of the phone jack on the wall (or, you do not even have to plug a phone into it). Since you don't want you partner to know you have the device, keep it out of sight, and in a place which cannot be discovered with just a little digging. The individual who called, the number they called from, and the time and date of the call will now be recorded for each call received. Most Caller ID units can store data on at least 30 incoming calls, so you shouldn't have to worry about checking it each time the phone rings.
If you already have Caller ID, you just need to purchase another Caller ID unit, install it, and hide it as described above. Since your unfaithful partner already knows Caller ID is in the house, he or she has been taking great care to remove any potentially damaging calls from the memory of each Caller ID unit. Except of course, the new one they don't know about. And while you're at it, work on your ability to detect your mate's lies. Watch their speech and physical habits when questioning them. Learn how they like
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to lie. Because after applying the techniques described in this chapter, you will already know the truth.
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"The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue" Emerson - 1856
There are of course other ways to monitor an unfaithful husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. The goal of this book is provide simple yet solid methods of catching cheating mates. Methods that virtually anyone can perform. The methods described in this chapter may not always mesh with this goal. Some may require a little more than just layman knowledge. However, if for no more than entertainment purposes, we felt they should be included.
NOTICE
The techniques and equipment described in this chapter may not be legal in all countries, states, or jurisdictions. Please check the laws in your area as they may apply to this information before proceeding. The information is this chapter is intended solely for reference and educational use. The author and/or publisher disclaim any personal liability, loss or risk incurred as a consequence of the use and application, either directly or indirectly, of any advice, information or methods presented herein.
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Cameras
In this day and age, nearly all of us have seen footage on TV taken by a surveillance camera. The one thing that stands out from all of this footage is that it is of such poor quality. That is due to the nature of the beast. You have tiny, concealed cameras shooting in whatever lighting is available. If you have ever been to a television studio or on a movie set, you would have marveled at the complexity of the cameras and lighting. It takes both to create a good image. So if you want to use cameras in your surveillance, expect disappointing quality. Surveillance cameras are best used for sting type operations. This is where you are purposely luring someone into doing something at a specific time and place. When detecting affairs, you do not often have this ability. You are waiting, not creating. You simply do not have finite control over the situation. You need to consider this if you decide to use cameras in your surveillance.
Many cameras can be attached to an ordinary VCR or television. You can get them in color, B&W, sound, etc. A lot of spy shops, etc. will carry pinhole cameras, brief cases with built in
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cameras, neck ties with built in cameras, etc. Since these devices are so expensive and are meant for the pros, they will not be discussed here. We will however, discuss the options for the amateur.
Most of the surveillance cameras designed for amateur use will be built into pictures or clocks, or will be small standalone units. Placing these cameras with require some creativity, as ugly office clock hanging on the wall in front of a bed is usually not a decorating norm. Each of these units will cost a couple hundred dollars. They will come with cables allowing you to attach them to a VCR or television set. Invariably, these cables will never be long enough and you will probably have to purchase longer cables. Then you must run and conceal these cables from the camera to the VCR or TV.
Once this is done, you are ready to go. However, you will be faced with a daunting task. For the camera to always be recording, the VCR must always be running. And you will quickly run out of tape. Machines which record time elapsed images on a video tape will be cost prohibitive. The only reasonable way
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around this is to be very sure of your timing. If your partner is bringing their lover home everyday at noon for sex, you can account for this and program the VCR accordingly. But if you do not have the benefit of such knowledge, catching something on tape will be a frustrating task. One final note. Use your common sense and beware that your mate can easily notice that the VCR is on and appears to be recording. If he or she asks you about this oddity later, have your answer of what movie or show you were recording ready. And make sure that if they check the TV listings, the program was actually on at that time. Since most people can barely operate a VCR to begin with, that is usually as far as it will go.
Bugs
A bug is defined as a hidden listening device. It records only sounds. The bugs that professionals use will either transmit sounds to another location or record those sounds on extended play tapes. The pros need to do this because usually they are not going to be living with the person with whom they are monitoring.
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You are, so you don't need to worry about these pricey little gadgets.
The purpose of bugs when catching your cheating mate is to cover for anything which may take place in your home while you are not there. This doesn't mean phone calls, it means if the other man or other woman is actually in your home. There are rather complex amateur methods of hooking up microphones that will capture sounds on cassette or VCR tape, but these methods produce problems similar to those discussed with cameras. Additionally, you will have to find the time to pour over hours of tape, looking for that 30 minute instance where something of interest might actually be happening. The bottom line is that if you want to bug your dwelling or a dwelling, you don't need James Bond like equipment. To the contrary, you can achieve this very simply.
Bugging can be successfully performed by using the small voice activated microcassette recorders which are sold virtually everywhere. Depending upon the dwelling, you will need two to three of them. If a sexual encounter is taking place between your
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partner and his or her lover, it will take place in the same spots that you and your partner have sex. Typically, this will be the master bedroom, the family room, or the basement (if furnished of course). Just like the telerecorder, the voice activated microcassette recorder will begin recording when a sound is detected, and turn off when the sound stops.
Tape or attach one recorder behind the headboard in the master bedroom and test it to make sure it picks up clear sound. Place the other recorders under the sofas in question, in their respective rooms. Make sure that if someone looks under the sofa, the recorder cannot be seen. Again, test for performance. Turn them on only when you know you will be gone, and your partner will have the opportunity to have the house to themselves. Remember, these little devices run off of batteries. Dead batteries can produce a real sick feeling in your stomach when discovered in a surveillance device.
There you have it. For less than a hundred bucks and ten minutes of your time, you will have bugged your house for sound. Remember, you are not the FBI trying to catch the mafia here.
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You are you trying to catch your unfaithful mate. And this method will work just as well as any other bug to achieve that purpose.
Following Them
We do not suggest that you follow your cheating mate yourself. First, you are going to get yourself caught. They know who you are and what you drive. They know who your friends are and what they drive. The worst thing that can happen when trying to catch a cheating mate, is to get caught doing it. Secondly, not many people have the discipline to handle what they might see. Most people go ballistic when physically catching their partner in the act of cheating. This can get you into a world of trouble, both legal and otherwise. Never, never, never, never intervene if you catch your mate cheating. Someone will either end up in the hospital or jail, or you will lose the chance of a lifetime - gaining true and complete knowledge of how your mate lies, cheats, and manipulates. Let it go. There are better ways to even the score. If you do not have the discipline to do this, don't even attempt to follow your mate by yourself. If you insist anyway, at least follow the below suggestions:
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Get a vehicle they will not recognize. Rent a car if you have to, because they will routinely look for familiar cars.
Make sure they never see this vehicle anyway. Any lone vehicle off in the distance will get their attention. Blend in or park and walk.
Get a pair of binoculars or a night vision devices. If you are far away enough to need binoculars, they will never see you. If it is dark, you will need to see them. Night vision devices are now widely available and are relatively cheap.
Dont keep driving by the house, bar, or restaurant they are spending their time. If you dont get their attention, you will draw somebody's. Park and wait or park and walk.
Do not intervene if you see something happening. Remain disciplined. Let it happen and watch them go home. Take
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notice of the time, as well as the timing of everything else that evening. Cool off and return home with an excuse ready as to where you were. You are now primed to learn the ways in which they lie.
Listening In While Far Away
There is another unique little device, that while fitting the definition of a bug, is really in a category by itself. It is known as a remote house monitor.
The remote house monitor allows you to listen to what is going on inside your house, over the telephone. This is a great solution for those who must travel out of town or can't check tape or video recorders frequently. And best of all, you can do this going completely unnoticed to whoever is inside the house.
The way this unit works is really quite simple. The unit itself just gets plugged into any standard phone jack. It contains an extremely sensitive microphone, which can pick up even faint sounds at a distance. You will want to place this unit in the
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telephone jack in the house where you are most likely to hear the sounds of the cheat. Keep in mind that you must also keep this device out of sight. Now, you just dial your phone number. You will have to a enter a code over the phone to access the unit. This is a security feature that prevents your mother-in-law or whoever else from accessing the device when they call. The person in the house will never hear the phone ring. Once connected, you will be able to listen to whatever is going on near the area of the unit. You will however, be limited to the length of time you can listen in. This limitation is dependent upon the particular unit. Generally, you can listen in for about twenty minutes. After that, you will be automatically disconnected and will need to call back.
This device may also supply you with piece of mind. You can check on your mate literally whenever you want. And although we don't recommend it, it can provide you with the opportunity to make a surprise guest appearance in your cheating partner's affair.
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"Like the bee it's sting, the promiscuous leave behind them in each encounter something of themselves by which they are made to suffer" Cyril Connolly - 1945
Every affair, no matter how covert, will leave a paper trail. Your cheating mate may be very smart and thorough in covering up this trail. However, there will usually be something that they miss. Knowing where to look can be a big help. Additionally, you can help them create a trail for you. It is a lot easier than you may think.
Receipts. Receipts are a great way to tell where a person has been and when they have been there. Nearly every receipt these days will contain the store or hotel location, and the date and time it was printed. One of the most popular ways the unfaithful like to go about their business is to say that they are "going shopping" or "going to the store". Take notice of when they leave and when they return. They will almost always come back with a bag of something in hand. Check the time and date on the receipt. If
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they have been somewhere else with someone else, it is most likely that the receipt will not logically coordinate with the timeframe of their absence.
You will want to check if they made their purchase only shortly before they came home. While it is certainly possible that they were in fact gone for hours and didn't buy anything until the end, as a rule it is not likely. The fewer items they have purchased, the more the unlikeness. What the cheat likes to do is spend all the time with their lover, and then quickly pick something up on the way home to avoid suspicion. You will have to use your judgement in situations like these.
You will also want to look for the opposite of this, where they bought something immediately and then were gone for hours. This indicates that they picked something up on the way to meet their lover, and then spent the rest of their time with the other person, unfettered. Again, you will need to consider what was purchased, what they were shopping for, and then use your best judgement.
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The final thing you will want to look for is a receipt which does not even match the time or date they went shopping. Affairs are not typically a spontaneous or spur of the moment thing. They are planed around certain places and times. For this reason, your cheating mate may tell you they are going shopping on Saturday, but will actually do the shopping on the way home from work on Friday night. Then they simply hide their baggie of goods and return home with them after their Saturday afternoon trip. Check the receipt and if this is what is happening, you are bound to get an entertaining excuse. They may make two trips in the same day as well. In the morning, they will "run to the grocery store". While they are out on this short trip, they will stop and get the items they are supposed to be getting later in the afternoon. Then they will go see their lover for the afternoon trip. They will return home from their afternoon "shopping excursion" with a bag of goods and a receipt stamped 9 A.M.. While this may seem obvious to you, it is surprising how many unfaithful people overlook it. Just make sure you don't.
Credit Cards. Credit cards tell no lies. Each month the credit card company provides you with a statement detailing what was
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purchased, where, and when. If you are responsible for paying the bills in the home, all of the information is at your finger tips. If you are not, then wait until your mate pays the bills. He or she will most likely send the payment in and throw the statement summary portion in the trash. Now all you need to do is check the trash, or wherever else they may keep this information, to see what they have been spending their money on and where.
If you want to check what was charged on a card retrospectively, you can call the credit card company and ask for a detailed report of purchases for the past 12 months. Most times, the credit card company will happily supply this information to you keep in mind you will have to provide security information, such as the last 4 digits of their social security number, their mothers maiden name or their mothers year and month of birth. One note of caution: don't ask for this report to be sent to an address different than the billing address. They won't do it and they may call your unfaithful mate for security purposes.
There is a fairly good chance that your cheating mate will have credit cards that you don't know about. And they will use these
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cards to prevent you from using any of the techniques above. Unfortunately for them, you can find out if they do.
If you are married, you can request a copy of your credit report from one of the three major credit reporting agencies (TransUnion, Equifax and Experian). If your mate has any credit cards you don't know about, they will be listed here. If you are not married, you can do the same thing. It will just be a little more difficult. You will need to get in touch with someone who has the authority to request a credit report on an individual. To have the authority, you need a legitimate reason or must have the need to know. Any private investigator can do this for you, or you can find many businesses on the Internet who will be more than glad to help you. Keep in mind that you will be charged a fee for their service, as well as one by the credit reporting agency.
One final note, is that many credit card companies allow you to review credit card statements over the Internet. If you know the credit card numbers, you can check up on your mate this way. Then you won't need to find the hidden statements or dig in the
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trash. The information is yours 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is truly the information superhighway.
Cellular Phones. While cellular phones were discussed in a previous chapter, their true appeal comes when uncovering the paper trail of the cheat. You can also use them to help the cheat create a paper trail for you.
Nearly all major cellular service carriers provide detail billing on their monthly statements. This detail includes the number that was called, when it was called, and how long the conversation lasted. For calls made to the cellular phone, you are out of luck as to who called them. The only number displayed for a cellular phone receiving the call is the number of that cellular phone itself. If your monthly cellular statements do not provide detail billing information, call them and request it. They should be able to provide it for free or for a minimal charge.
Just like credit cards, you can request a detailed billing report for a retrospective period. In otherwords, you can call your cellular service provider and ask for a detailed billing report for the prior
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year. This can be real useful if you believe an affair has gone on for awhile before you discover it. The report will tell no lies. Again, you will only be able to have the report sent to your billing address, not an alternate address, so don't bother asking. And be prepared to supply them with the magic words personal security information on your partner.
If you want your unfaithful mate to create a paper trail for you to follow, simply give them a cellular phone as a token of your love and appreciation. Most cellular phones can be had today for next to nothing if you sign an extended contract with a cellular service provider. Get your mate excited about all the free minutes that came with it too. Then watch them burn up those free minutes, while you are reviewing in detail who they are burning them up on. They will be too busy relishing this new way to communicate with their lover too much to even consider that possibility.
Cellular phones are great. You can monitor them anyway you like. And if your cheating mate has one, it is an indispensable tool of their affairs.
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Wallets, Purses and Pockets. While these are definitely not the most furtive methods of surveillance, they generally do turn up a surprise or two. By checking your mates wallet, purse, or pockets, you can find clues to fuel your suspicions. But don't expect to find a gold mine right out in the open. They are aware that you may check these places. Occasionally however, they will slip up.
The first rule is to leave everything exactly how you found it. This means don't dump the purse out upside down or rip everything out of the wallet. Carefully search one section at a time, taking care to replace everything in it's original condition. If you are going to find anything, it will probably be buried somewhere. It will be behind or between a group of pictures or stashed in the "secret compartment". If you are a male, do not discount any phone number with a female name above it. If you are a female, do not discount any phone number with a male name above it. They will do this on purposes, in case you are looking. It is designed to throw you off track and disregard it. The bottom line is to keep a record of any telephone number that you find. You can use these numbers to cross reference any cellular or Caller ID calls. You should also call each of these numbers
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yourself. But don't be stupid about it. The person on the other end may have Caller ID. If they do, they will know who called them. Always use a pay phone or a phone that could never be traced back to you.
The second rule is don't search for anything when there is a chance you will get caught doing it in the first place. This should go without saying, but it happens. And there is nothing more infuriating that catching someone digging through your personal belongings. If there is a chance you are going to get caught, then don't bother with it. There is nothing in there that won't still be there an hour or a day later.
E-Mail. While e-mail doesn't really leave a paper trail, it does leave an electronic trail. It is becoming one of the more common ways two cheating people communicate and lay plans with each other. It is also the one area that goes most unchecked when looking for the trail of the cheat.
E-mail by its very nature is not a secure means of communication. But it becomes one if your cheating partner uses
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it and you know nothing absolutely nothing about it. Since it may be a rather intimidating topic for most people, we won't go into any advanced techniques on monitoring e-mail transmissions. We will keep it simple, and tell you where to look on the computer your mate uses.
Your mate will access e-mail through the computer usually in one of two ways. He or she will do it through an Internet Browser, or through a separate e-mail only program. Either way, you will not need to know how to use a modem to connect to another computer, etc. You will simply launch the application that they use and start looking (these applications will operate whether or not a modem connection in place).
For Internet Browsers, the computer will most likely have an option called Internet, or Microsoft Explorer. These are the applications which will launch a connection to the Internet with an Internet Browser. Choosing these options may automatically connect you to the Internet with no questions asked, or they may ask you for a login name or password. You can connect or
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choose not to connect, it doesn't matter - any stored e-mail messages are already on the computer.
Once the Internet Browser has launched, you will want to search for any buttons or any menu options with the word Mail attached to them. This will invariably bring you to the place where e-mail is stored. The individual messages will be stored in folders with names attached. Typically, these folders will be labeled:
Inbox This is where any new e-mail messages are delivered Trash This is where any deleted messages are stored Sent This is where any messages that were sent are stored
These folders can be named anything, but they will always be descriptive enough that you can figure out what they are for. From here, all you need to do is highlight an individual message and the contents of that message will be displayed. Just make sure not to delete anything or move it around, your mate may notice. If you want to print the message you have selected, simply look for a Print button, or choose Print from the File option on the menu bar.
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Separate e-mail applications will pretty much work the same way. Only you won't have to go searching for the messages, they will automatically be there. These applications are not Internet Browsers. Their sole purpose in life is to track e-mail. So once you start them you don't need to look for anything labeled Mail. The mail is already right there. Just search through the message folders for the individual messages which draw your interest.
American Online users have it even simpler yet. To start America Online, look for the option labeled AOL or America Online. Click on it, and it should automatically connect you. Once it does, there will be an easily identified picture of mail or a mailbox. Click on this, and you are in.
If at any point with any of these applications, you are stopped by a password requirement when trying to access e-mail specifically, your joy ride may be over (unless you have something called spy software, which will be covered later in this material). You can try to guess the password if you'd like, it won't hurt anything. But if you cannot, remember one thing. That password was put in place
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for a reason. That reason was to keep someone else from reading the e-mail. That person may be you.
Let's say that while checking in on your partners e-mail, you have found some interesting messages. The problem is that the senders name appears to be encrypted. You cannot tell who these racy messages are from. There are ways you may be able to find out. On the Internet, there are sites called Search Engines. These search engines typically have an option called People Finder, or People Locator, etc. The most popular search engine is Yahoo!, located at www.yahoo.com, or you can check out InfoSpace at www.infospace.com. Go to either of these sites and look for a people locator option.
This option is basically an online phone book with a twist; you can look up people nationwide by their e-mail address. The only catch is that for e-mail addresses, the individual who owns that address must register that address with the "online phone book" provider. Once you enter this area, you will be required to enter, depending upon the site you are in, at least the domain name of the e-mail address you wish to find. The domain name will be the
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text that appears after the @ symbol. So for the e-mail address iamcheatingwithyourmate@anyname.com, anyname.com would be the domain name. The service will automatically return anyone that it finds with a match. This information may include the full name, city, state, occupation, and a personal profile. Or, it may only include a full name. Either way, if you get a hit, it has been a bad day turned good for you.
If the e-mail came from an America Online user, you are in luck. E-mail from an America Online user will contain the domain name of aol.com (anyname@aol.com). American Online encourages its users to do a little write up about themselves so that other America Online users can know a little bit more about them. While America Online users are not required to do this, typically they do out of naivete. As an added benefit, all America Online email addresses are usually listed or accessible by all major "people finders". The same is true for all "community orientated" Internet Service Providers.
If, for whatever the reason may be, you cannot find a match for an e-mail address, there will not be a whole lot you can do at this
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point. You will have to wait until the e-mail user sending the alluring messages identifies himself or herself, or until the publication e-mail books is as commonplace as telephone books. And eventually, both will happen. Update: there are also many services now available on the Internet that will uncover this information for you, for a price. Try searching on the keywords find people on any search engine for a list of companies offering these services for a small price, you can find out a lot!
There is one last ditch, free effort you can use to at least find out where the e-mail originated from. You again will use the e-mail message domain name to do this. While attached to the Internet, you will want to go the site address whois.net (http://www.whois.net).
This site contains a list of all domain names on the Internet (and who the people are behind the domain names). Once you are at the site, look for a whois lookup feature or something similar. The Whois option allows you to find out who owns a domain name. For example, if you wanted to know who owned www.ford.com, you would enter in ford.com at the Whois option.
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The Web page would then tell you that Ford Motor Company owns this domain name. It's that simple. It is also fast and free. So while you may not get the name of the person sending your mate the alluring e-mail messages, you may at least get the name of the business where they work. And that's a start which may open many doors in the days to come.
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"Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt" Jose Ortega - 1949
This book has told you how your mate lies and cheats and how to catch them. But information is worthless unless it is put to use. All of the information and techniques may have been a little overwhelming for you, so this chapter will re-cap what you have already learned, and tell you how to get started your first time out.
The first thing you are going to have to do is get rid of your ego and your insecurities. You are never going to get very far if you think that they would really never cheat on you, or if you are too scared to go find out. You must accept that fact that you are going to get hurt, and you must be prepared for that inevitability. The emotional pain from infidelity and that of relationships in general, is unmatched by anything else. Because of this, you will have to remain very disciplined. If you can accept the fact that you are going to be hurt and humiliated, the discipline part will
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come a littler easier. You must do this because your unfaithful mate will be reading you as much as you are reading them. And anytime you act suspicious or blurt out what you know in a rage, you are only going to make the task of catching them that much harder. Remember, the goal is to not only catch them, but to do so in a way that leaves no room for lies, excuses or explanations. To do this you will simply have to keep your mouth shut and swallow a whole lot of pride. It won't be easy. It's not supposed to be. Everything that goes around, comes around. It will pay off.
Since at this point you are already suspicious, you will be well aware of your mates patterns. When they are gone, what they say they are doing, how they treat you, etc. You will need to start analyzing these patterns a little more closely following what you have learned about how people lie. You will also need to determine if the things they have been telling you make any sense. Remember, everything has to be logical. If it is not, determine how a combination of lies and cheating will make it logical. Hopefully, this has gone on long enough that you can look back at past doings with a clear mind and common sense. Always
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try to look at it from another person's perspective, one that is not emotionally attached and one that is not biased.
The first piece of equipment you will need to get is the telerecorder. This little girl will lead you to the promised land quicker than anything else. You do not need to get the most expensive model, but make sure you get one with all of the features needed for your endeavor. And you will get what you pay for. Make sure that when you install it that it is completely concealed from sight, and that it will not be found with just a little digging from your partner. Once it is installed, test it. Pick up the phone and call someone. When you are done, play back the recording to make sure it is clear and audible. Also make sure that you cannot hear the device turn on and off. Be sure to have plenty of tapes on hand as well.
If you dont have Caller ID, get it. If you did not choose a telerecorder with Caller ID built in, you will need to purchase a separate Caller ID unit. Again, make sure the unit is completely concealed. Remember that the phone company will charge you for this service and that it will appear on your monthly telephone
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bill. So if your mate pays the bills, you must find a way to keep them from seeing the charge for this service.
If you feel the need to bug your dwelling, do not go overboard. Remember, anything you record on video or audio tape will require you to review hour upon hour of nothing to find a little piece of something. We recommend that you use voice activated micro-cassette recorders and strategically place them. If you go out of town a lot and are unable to routinely check the recorders, or if you simply want additional piece of mind, purchase a remote house monitor. This is the device that allows you to listen to sounds inside your house over the telephone. It is simple and it is effective.
If you plan to monitor cordless or cellular calls over a hand held police scanner, you will need to purchase one that covers the correct frequency. It is also worth spending a little extra for one that allows you to constantly scan through a preset range of frequencies. This way, you can capture the range of any wireless phone. Standard cordless phones will typically operate between the frequencies of 47 to 49Mhz. 900Mhz cordless phones will
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operate at 900Mhz and beyond. If you have the ability, check the box or user manual that came with the cordless phone. By FCC regulations, they must list the frequency range that the phone operates under. Be forewarned usually, you will only be able to hear one side of the conversation when monitoring a cordless phone. As with the telerecorder, monitoring cordless or cellular phones with a police scanner may be illegal in your area. Check the laws of your jurisdiction before proceeding.
If you plan on secretly following your mate, get someone else to do it. The majority of people do not have the discipline to handle what they will see. Choose someone who your partner does not know and your mate will not be able to identify if spotted. If you do decide to do it yourself, don't be stupid. Your partner and his or her lover will be on the lookout. Because of this, you run the risk of being spotted very easily. If you can, borrow a car they don't know or rent a car. Make sure to keep a log of their movements and the time. They are going to lie to you about where they have been and when. This will present you with a fantastic opportunity to study their lying tendencies and idiosyncrasies. Above all else, if you see them doing something
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that hurts you, stay put. Do not intervene. It will do you no good. Remain disciplined and use that knowledge when you have decided the time is right. Again, it won't be easy, it's not supposed to be. But you will live.
If your mate has a cellular phone, review the monthly detailed billing statements. If the cellular service provider does not provide detailed billing, sign up for it. You do need to remember that your mate will have the opportunity to see the statements and the dangers of their carelessness. Call your cellular service provider and ask them for a detailed billing report of your account for the past year. This will enlighten you as to what you have been missing for the past 12 months. If your mate does not have a cellular phone, get them one as a gift. Make sure you sign up for detailed billing, and then let them have at it.
Be on the lookout for any new jewelry, clothes, or change in personal habits. If your partner is cheating, that will want to look the best they can for their lover. They will feel the need to try to make their "other relationship" as normal possible. This means that gifts and cards will be exchanged. If you notice new items,
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look for a receipt, check your checkbook, and review your credit card statements for such a purchase. And when he or she comes home from a shopping adventure, always check the dates of times on the receipts!
Finally, never confront them about anything you may know until you have enough information to eliminate any excuse, explanation or manipulation which may be offered. If you let them known that you are on to them, you will be taking one giant step back. They will figure out how you did it, and eliminate the possibility of it happening again. You do not want this to happen. You want to gather enough information to completely blind-side them. You want to catch them off guard. You want to leave them speechless.
What you do at that point is completely up to you. However, we do want to stress not to do anything violent. Whatever it is your romantic partner has done to you, it is not worth ending up in the hospital or in jail over. We recommend that you walk away with indifference. That will hurt them more than anything. As the saying goes, silence is golden.
105
Now that youve completed your primer or basic course, its time to take your training wheels off and really get moving on catching your cheating partner, following the exact, proven blueprint in how to catch them in 7 days or less.
Volume II in this series will do just that.
Youve just graduated infidelity high-school. Now its time to get your Masters degree.
Go to Volume II in this course to get this education now!
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"It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break

any" Mae West - 1937

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume I

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

What is the number one reason why affairs go undetected?

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

Increased Time Away From Home

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

Unusual Business Trips or Extended Business Trips

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

They Speak of Someone Else Quite Often

Those Mysterious Phone Calls

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

New Clothes or Provocative Personal Improvements

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

Newly Acquired Tastes

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

Extreme Happiness or Extreme Sadness

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

Coming Home Looking Like They're Ready To Go Out

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

that both parties of a conversation be informed that the call is

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

Listening In While Far Away

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

How To Catch Your Cheating Lover Volume 1

"Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt" Jose Ortega - 1949