Communication Techniques

Adapted from: www.businessballs.com Listening Passive listening or not listening Pretend listening Biased listening or projective listening (selective listening) Misunderstood listening Ignoring, paying attention to other things; very obvious Not concentrating and will not remember; daydreaming or distracted by something else even though pretending to be listening; speaker can usually tell Because you already have such firm opposing or different views, or a resistance to the speaker, you are not allowing anything that is said to influence your attitude and level of knowledge and understanding; you are aware you are doing this You have an interest and perhaps some flexibility in respect of the words spoken and your reactions to them, but because you are not thinking objectively you are putting your own interpretation on what you are hearing making the words fit what you expect or want them to fit; you are not normally aware you are doing this You listen only to the content and fail to receive all the non-verbal sounds and signals such as tone of voice, facial expression, reaction of speaker to your own listening and reactions; can gather reliable facts but fails to gather and suitably respond to emotions and feeling and the situation of the other person; typically driven by a strong personal results motive and can be highly manipulative and forceful Listening to words, intonation, and observing body language and facial express; giving feedback but empty of two-way emotional involvement or empathy; no transmitted identification with the other persons feelings and emotional needs Listening will full attention to the sounds and all other relevant signals, including Tone of voice Other verbal aspects (pace, volume, breathlessness, flow, style, emphasis) Facial expression Body language Cultural, ethnic or other aspects of the person which would affect the way their communications and signals are affecting you Feeling requires you to have an overall collective appreciation through all relevant senses of how the other person is feeling You are able to see and feel the situation from the other persons position

Attentive data-only listening

Active listening

Empathic listening

Facilitative listening

You are reacting, giving feedback and checking understanding with the speaker, maybe taking notes and checking if they are correct. Empathetic listening with the added implication that you are able to extend help to the other person. Includes the ability to interpret the cognizance of the speaker and weight the consequences of the other persons behavior even if the other person cannot. You think carefully how you will respond, pausing the conversation to do so if needed. There is a strong element of being interested in helping the other person see and understand their options and choices. Its all about extending help the other persons interests are in the forefront.

Body Language Translation of Gestures, Signs and Other Factors Context Body language in one situation might not mean the same in another. Someone with crossed arms might be keeping warm, rather than being defensive. Sufficient Samples/Evidence A single body language signal isn't as reliable as several signals. As with any system of evidence, 'clusters' of body language signals provide much more reliable indication of meaning than one or two signals in isolation. Look for combinations of signals which support an overall conclusion, especially for signals which can mean two or more quite different things. Looking for 'micro gestures' (pupils contract, an eyebrow lifts, corner of the mouth twitch) can help identify the true meaning and motive behind one or two strong and potentially false signals. These micro gestures are very small, difficult to spot and are subconscious, but we cannot control them, hence their usefulness. Impact of Person-Specific Variables Culture/Ethnicity Certain body language is the same in all people, for example smiling and frowning, but some body language is specific to a culture or ethnic group. See http://www.businessballs.com/body-language.htm#body-language-different-cultures below for specifics. Age and Gender Many body language signals are relative. A gesture by one person in a certain situation can carry far more, or very little meaning, compared to the same gesture used by a different person in a different situation. Young men for example often display a lot of pronounced gestures because they are naturally energetic, uninhibited and supple. Older women, relatively, are less energetic, adopt more modest postures, and may be prevented by upbringing from exhibiting very pronounced gestures. Impact of Circumstances

It is often the situation, not the person - for example, here are examples of circumstances which can produce negative feelings and signals in people, often even if they are strong and confident:

dominance of a person perceived to be in authority overloading a person with new knowledge or learning tiredness stress caused by anything cold weather or cold conditions lack of food and drink illness or disability alcohol or drugs being in a minority or feeling excluded unfamiliarity - newness change

Personal Space The amount of space people find comfortable between themselves and others depends on the individual cultural and living background, the situation, and relationships. Of the five space zones that are the basis of personal space analysis, the most appropriate for people providing services in a library is the Social-Consultative. 4 to 12 feet between you and the other person Non-touch interaction Touching not possible unless both people reach out to do it (such as in a handshake) At six to eighteen inches of space between individuals, non-consenting intrusion into this space is normally felt to be uncomfortable or even threatening. At eighteen inches to four feet touching is possible but intimacy is not so touching other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable. Types of listening Here are six types of listening, starting with basic discrimination of sounds and ending in deepcommunication. Discriminative listening Discriminative listening is the most basic type of listening, whereby the difference between difference soundsis identified. If you cannot hear differences, then you cannot make sense of the meaning that is expressed bysuch differences. We learn to discriminate between sounds within our own language early, and later areunable to discriminate between the phonemes of other languages. This is one reason why a person from onecountry finds it difficult to speak another language perfectly, as they are unable distinguish the subtle soundsthat are required in that language.Likewise, a person who cannot hear the subtleties of emotional variation in another person's voice will be lesslikely to be able to discern the emotions the other person is experiencing.Listening is a visual as well as auditory act, as we communicate much throughbody language. We thus alsoneed to be able to discriminate between muscle and skeletal movements that signify different meanings. Biased listening

Biased listening happens when the person hears only what they want to hear, typically misinterpreting whatthe other person says based on thestereotypesand other biases that they have. Such biased listening isoften very evaluative in nature. Evaluative listening In evaluative listening, or critical listening, we make judgments about what the other person is saying. Weseek to assess the truth of what is being said. We also judge what they say against ourvalues, assessingthem as good or bad, worthy or unworthy.Evaluative listening is particularly pertinent when the other person is trying to persuade us, perhaps tochange our behavior and maybe even to change ourbeliefs. Within this, we also discriminate betweensubtleties of language and comprehend the inner meaning of what is said. Typically also we weigh up the prosand cons of an argument, determining whether it makes sense logically as well as whether it is helpful to us.Evaluative listening is also called critical, judgmental or interpretive listening. Appreciative listening In appreciative listening, we seek certain information which will appreciate, for example that which helpsmeet ourneedsandgoals. We use appreciative listening when we are listening to good music, poetry or maybe even the stirring words of a great leader.Sympathetic listeningIn sympathetic listening we care about the other person and show this concern in the way we pay closeattention and express our sorrow for their ills and happiness at their joys. Empathetic listening When we listenempathetically, we go beyond sympathy to seek a truer understand how others are feeling.This requires excellent discrimination and close attention to the nuances of emotional signals. When we arebeing truly empathetic, we actually feel what they are feeling.In order to get others to expose these deep parts of themselves to us, we also need to demonstrate ourempathy in our demeanor towards them, asking sensitively and in a way that encourages self-disclosure. Therapeutic listening In therapeutic listening, the listener has a purpose of not only empathizing with the speaker but also to usethis deep connection in order to help the speaker understand, change or develop in some way.This not onlyhappens when you go to see a therapist but also in many social situations, where friends and family seek toboth diagnose problems from listening and also to help the speaker cure themselves, perhaps by somecathartic process. This also happens in work situations, where managers, HR people, trainers and coachesseek to help employees learn and develop. Relationship listening Sometimes the most important factor in listening is in order to develop or sustain a relationship. This is whylovers talk for hours and attend closely to what each other has to say when the same words from someoneelse would seem to be rather boring.Relationship listening is also important in areas such as negotiation and sales, where it is helpful if the otherperson likes you and trusts you. False listening False listening occurs where a person is pretending to listen but is not hearing anything that is being said.They may nod, smile and grunt in all the right places, but do not actually take in anything that is said.This is askill that may be finely honed by people who do a lot of

inconsequential listening, such as politicians androyalty. Their goal with their audience is to make a good impression in very short space of time before theymove on, never to talk to that person again. It is also something practiced by couples, particularly where oneside does most of the talking. However, the need for relationship here can lead to this being spotted ('You'renot listening again!') and consequent conflict. Initial listening Sometimes when we listen we hear the first few words and then start to think about what we want to say inreturn. We then look for a point at which we can interrupt. We are also not listening then as we are spendingmore time rehearsing what we are going to say about their initial point. Selective listening Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring others. We thus hear what we want tohear and pay little attention to 'extraneous' detail. Partial listening Partial listening is what most of us do most of the time. We listen to the other person with the best of intentand then become distracted, either by stray thoughts or by something that the other person has said.Weconsequently dip inside our own heads for a short while as we figure out what they really mean or formulate a question for them, before coming back into the room and starting to listen again.This can be problematicwhen the other person has moved on and we are unable to pick up the threads of what is being said. We thuseasily can fall into false listening, at least for a short while. This can be embarrassing, of course, if theysuddenly ask your opinion. A tip here: own up, admitting that you had lost the thread of the conversation andasking them to repeat what was said. Full listening Full listening happens where the listener pays close and careful attention to what is being said, seekingcarefully to understand the full content that the speaker is seeking to put across.This may be very active form of listening, with pauses for summaries and testing that understanding iscomplete. By the end of the conversation, the listener and the speaker will probably agree that the listenerhas fully understood what was said.Full listening takes much more effort than partial listening, as it requires close concentration, possibly for aprotracted period. It also requires skills of understanding and summary. Deep listening Beyond the intensity of full listening, you can also reach into a form of listening that not only hears what issaid but also seeks to understand the whole person behind the words.In deep listening, you listen between the lines of what is said, hearing theemotion, watching thebody language, detectingneedsandgoals, identifyingpreferencesand biases, perceivingbeliefsandvalues, and so on. About Author Dr. Shailesh Thakerrenowned Corporate Management Guru, Management Thinker, HRHRD Trainer and International Motivational Speaker in India, offers HR/HRD Training,Leadership Workshops, Management Training, CEO Training and business consultingservices throughKnowledge Inc

Projective Listening