The Ideal Leader Five Tips for Using the MBTI Instrument Is there one dichotomy that creates

more conflict than any other? That is the mill ion dollar question that is often asked in MBTI workshops and wouldnt it be great if it were that easy?! But alas, its not. Each d ichotomy can contribute to conflict for entirely different reasons. Even the notion of what truly comprises conflict can create conflict! A few years ago, when preparing for a type and conflict workshop, I embarked on a mini rese arch study to gather some data from the proverbial horses mouth. I surveyed peop le from each of the 16 types, with the first question being, How do you define con flict? And guess what? They each had different definitions! Here are some tips to remember when you are using type in conflict situations: Tip #1: Got Change? This is always the starting point when working with type: Everyone has the innat e urge to grow and develop. If people arent interested in making changes to thei r behaviours, then all type will do is provide them with even more language to l abel the people theyre in conflict with! Starting with who you are is essential but examining where you need to stretch is critical. And thats true for everyone in the conflict situation. Ill never forget when someone with a preference for T said to me, What type has ta ught me is that when Im working with Fs, I just cant be myself. At first, that comm ent seemed like it completely missed the mark. That is what type has taught you that being around others who are different means checking yourself at the door? ! But the more I thought about it, the statement isnt completely off. Stretchin g into your opposite preferences means you have to do things in a way that you w ouldnt naturally do them. Its the type dance you start there, I start here and wi th some consciousness and commitment, we meet in the middle. Does that mean Im n ot me and youre not you when we get there? Hopefully not. In fact, were probably more complete versions of ourselves, using both our preferred parts, and our le sser preferred parts as well. Tip #2: What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate The words that are usually missing at the end of that sentence are, MY way! While the functions are often used in addressing conflict, and are extreme ly useful (well get to that later), I like backing up and examining the communicat ion process used during conflict first. The E-I dichotomy is the communication dichotomy, and its critical to make sure its working properly in the conflict situ ation. If E-I isnt working, its hard to address any of the other preferences! Since the natural drive for Extraversion is immediacy, Es tend to want conflict a ddressed immediately. And since the natural drive for Introversion is reflectio n, Is tend to want conflict addressed after careful thought and consideration. T hen toss in a pinch of projection. When you have a preference for E, if you dont speak up in conflict, it often means youre not engaged or interested. When you have a preference for I, if you jump right into a conflict, it often means you h ave completely had it. This is then what prompts Es to say to Is, Youre avoiding th e issue! Or Is to say to Es, Calm down youre in my face! Heres a simple solution that requires some stretching on both sides of the fence. If Is make a verbal statement that they are fully engaged in the conflict, but need time to think, that verbal cue lets the Es know that there is indeed engagem ent. In turn, if Es give Is the space to process, then Es will be rewarded with ma ny more extraverted conversations to address the conflict. Cha cha cha. Tip #3: Look In the Middle

The functions pairs are the core of type, and often can zero in on what people a re focusing on in conflict situations. There has been so much written about the function pairs as a tool for conflict and decision making. A good resource is page 39 in the Introduction to Type booklet, which presents a great model for usi ng the functions in problem solving. Pages 11 and 12 in the Introduction to Typ e and Coaching booklet also present a useful guide for using the four functions f or resolving conflict. Tip #4: Wrap That Baby Up And leave it open! Adding the two last letters in a conflict situation can help answer the question, What next? Using the J preference helps a conflict situatio n by addressing issues like next steps, timelines and whos accountable for what. Using the P preference helps a conflict situation by ensuring that new informati on can be included as it emerges, and that all parties can be open to making cha nges to the conflict plan when it makes the solution even better. Tip #5: Dont Get Too Comfy! Recently I was talking with a client about some conflict situations in their org anization, and how type could address some of the conflict. After reviewing som e of the tips above, I finally said, You know what the upshot is? Using type eff ectively requires a lot of consciousness. And the trouble is, its so easy to stay put where were most comfortable and not even be aware that weve burrowed right in . So keep your antennae up, and check in on how youre using your opposite prefer ences in conflict. Remembering these tips can make a marked difference in how conflict is perceived , addressed and resolved.