Read the 4th grade student writing sample. 1.

Assess the writing on the following traits: Ideas (3) The writer is beginning to define the topic, even though development is still basic or general. The topic is fairly broad; however, you can see where the writer is headed. Support is attempted, but doesnt go far enough in fleshing out the key issues or story line. The writer seems to be drawing on knowledge, but has difficulty going from general to specific observations. Everything seems as important as everything else; the reader has a hard time sifting out whats critical. The writer generally stays on the topic but does not develop a clear theme.

Voice (4.5) The writer speaks directly to the reader in a way that is individual, compelling, and engaging. The writer crafts the piece with an awareness of and respect for the audience and the writings purpose. The writer seems aware of the audience and uses a tone that adds interest to the message. Only in moments here and there does the writer intrigue, or move the reader. These places may emerge strongly for a line or two, but quickly fade away. The persuasive writing reflects a strong commitment to the topic by showing why the reader needs to know this and why he or she should care.

Word Choice (2) The language is functional. It is easy to figure out the writers meaning on a general level. Words are barely adequate and seem to be nonspecific and distracting; therefore, their meaning limits the readers understanding. Familiar words and phrases communicate but rarely capture the readers imagination. Words and phrases are functional with only one or two moments. Problems with language leave the reader wondering. Many of the words dont work well in the piece.

Organization (2) Writing lacks a clear sense of direction. Ideas, details, or events seem strung together in a loose or random fashion; although, there is a recognizable introduction and conclusion.

Connections between ideas are confusing or not even present. Sequencing needs lots and lots of work. The organization sometimes supports the main point or story line, at other times, the reader feels an urge to slip in a transition or move things around. Problems with organization make it hard for the reader to get a grip on the main point or story line. A title is present, although it may be uninspired.

2. Respond to the writing using ideas, voice, word choice, and organization as your guide. The persuasive piece has a solid voice. The reader knows the writers position on how the bees laziness has affected the towns honey supply. The writer is aware of the audience and shows this by talking about the people who have allergies to pollen and honey. The writer also uses a tone that engages the reader to continue reading. The writer does have an idea, which is how lazy the bees have become, but the topic is fairly broad. The reader has difficulty following the main idea, because the writer doesnt stay on one specific topic. The writers word choices limit the readers understanding of the persuasive text. The words are functional but dont really capture the readers imagination. The piece has a title and includes a nice introduction that hooks the reader, but the organization of the writing lacks a clear sense of direction. Ideas and details are strung together and have no clear sequencing. The writing needs transition sentences to help the reader flow from one idea to the other. 3. Choose an activity from the book that you would use to help this student improve his writing. I would use the following activity found on page 93 in the textbook: Teacher uses a piece of writing with high organization. Teacher identifies the transitional words and phrases, with the student, and lists them on the board. Together, organize the words and phrases into different categories, using a chart labeled with: location; compare and contrast; show time; conclude or summarize. Teacher asks the student to select a piece of his own writing and looks for places where he could add or refine transitional statements to strengthen the organization. Allow the student time to revise and rewrite his work as necessary.