Journey to Recovery Series
Guilt
Objectives
~ Define guilt
~ Explore the impact of guilt
~ Identify activities to help people deal with guilt
What is it?
~ Guilt is anger at yourself, and comes from an Old English word that means “delinquency.” Today Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines it as “feelings of culpability, especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy; self-reproach.”
~ Note: Nowhere does it say that guilt is related to things you actually did wrong
What Can Guilt Do?
~ Make you become over responsible, striving to make life ‘right’
~ Make you over-conscientious.
~ Make you over sensitive.
~ Immobilize you. / Interfere with decision making
~ Co-Dependency
~ Overshadow the other array of feelings available
~ Mislead you
~ Motivate change
~ Some guilt is, of course, necessary; otherwise people would not know how to exercise self-control or have a conscience.
Where does it come from
~ Autonomy vs. Shame
~ Major Question: “Can I do things myself or am I reliant on the help of others?”
~ Will, Efficacy
~ When criticized, overly controlled, or not given the opportunity to assert themselves, they begin to feel inadequate in their ability to survive, and may then become overly dependent upon others
Where does it come from
~ Initiative vs. guilt
~ Major Question: “Am I good or bad?”
~ Purpose, Acceptability
~ When efforts to engage in physical and imaginative play are stifled by caregivers, children begin to feel that their self-initiated efforts are a source of embarrassment.
~ If the parents treat the child’s questions as a nuisance or embarrassing then the child may feel like a nuisance.
~ Children who are over-directed by adults may struggle to develop a sense of initiative and confidence in their own abilities.
ACES
~ How can the following conditions make the child feel overly controlled, or like a nuisance or an embarrassment?
(Remember children in autonomy and initiative still think egocentrically and dichotomously)
~ Substance abuse
~ Parental divorce
~ Mental Illness
~ Domestic Violence
~ Emotional, psychological or physical abuse or neglect
Other Sources of Guilt
~ Toxic guilt
~ A nagging feeling of pervasive but nonspecific badness, as if your whole life has something wrong with it often stemming from buildup of guilts.
~ Often has roots in early childhood: mistakes that your parents or teachers treated as a big deal, for example, or religious training
~ Gluttony vs. Abstinence (Moderation)
~ Sloth vs. Diligence (Balance)
~ Greed vs. Generosity (Benevolence)
~ Lust vs. Chastity (Moderation)
~ Anger vs. Passivity (Assertiveness)
~ Pride vs. Humility (Authenticity)
~ Envy vs. Rejection (Respect, contentment)
Other Sources of Guilt
~ Existential Guilt
~ Guilt you feel for having a negative impact
~ Guilt you feel for having more than someone else
~ Guilt you feel for surviving
~ When toxic guilt gets mixed up with our existential guilt, we'll often suffer from a feeling that we're responsible for everyone else's pain
Other Sources of Guilt
~ Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Game
~ I shoulda, coulda, woulda…but didn’t
~ Go to the gym
~ Called my friend
~ Finished my report
~ I shouldn’t have…but did
~ Had that second piece of cake
~ Lied
~ Called in sick
~ Gone out drinking all night
Questions
~ How does guilt impact your attitude, optimism and emotions?
~ How does guilt impact your self-esteem?
~ How does guilt impact your health?
~ How does guilt impact your relationships?
Activities
~ Guilt Slips
~ Identify what you feel guilty about