Do not make Assumptions! An assumption is when we don't know the answer to something, so we formulate an answer in our mind. Making assumptions and taking things personally account for the overwhelming majority of suffering and drama we experience in our lives. In this episode, I continue the teachings from the book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, with the 3rd Agreement: Don't make assumptions!



Show outline:

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

Be impeccable with your word
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best


Not All of Your Thoughts Are True

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. — Mark Twain
So often we construct elaborate stories in our minds, complete with elaborate emotions, around a "truth" that we constructed or was told us that we accepted as "truth" that simply isn't true
We made an assumption and called it "truth"


The 3rd Agreement - Don't Make Assumptions

This one issue, combined with taking things personally, create well over 90% of our problems - both personally and socially
An assumption is when we don't know the answer to something, so we formulate an answer in our mind

That formulation is based on all of the beliefs, mindsets, interactions, education we have experienced from our birth up that this moment in time.
Because we have become so comfortable with who we are and what we think, we believe that our assumption is the truth.


We make assumptions about everything--why people do or say what they do, what they are thinking

Assume our assumption is truth and we take it personally
We react based on our assumption and that can cause us to send emotional poison to them, which they may take personally, which creates a never ending cycle.
We create a whole big drama for nothing


The overwhelming majority of your sadness and drama you have experienced in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally

Stop a minute to consider this statement
We create and spread so much emotional poison because we usually start gossiping about our assumptions

We make assumptions
We believe we are right about our assumptions
We defend our assumptions
We try to make someone else wrong because we believe our assumption is right


Assumptions set us up for suffering and creates so much chaos and causes us to misinterpret things

We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear
We don't perceive things the way they are
We have a habit of dreaming with no basis in reality
When we learn our dream was not real, our bubble is burst and we suffer




Think about some assumptions that are easy to make

You see someone you think is attractive, you smile; he/she smiles back

You assume that person finds you attractive
You start to fantasize a relationship
A whole dream of a relationship and a life together can be created simply because someone smiled at you


Social media is a very dangerous place for this

Someone you don't know responds playfully or just nicely to a tweet

You assume that person wants a real relationship
A dream begins to form that has no basis in reality




Assumptions in relationships create so much tension

We assume our partner knows what we want without us saying it
We assume just because our partner like something one time, they want more of it
When our partner doesn't do what we want or responds differently that we assumed, we take it personally and get our feelings hurt
Many people get married based on assumptions

After the honeymoon is over and we learn our assumption was wrong, we are crushed
We want so much to believe the truth of our assumption that we are afraid to come right out and ask our partner
Our fear keeps us trapped from ever knowing the truth so we make new assumptions, which create new traps