Dr. V.Veera Balaji Kumar BHMS., M Sc.

, M Phil
(psychology)
 INTER PERSONAL SKILLS
 Interpersonal skills is
how people relate to
one another.
 IPR is used often in
business contexts to
refer to the measure of
a person's ability to
operate within business
organizations through
social communication
and interactions.
DEFINITION
The mental and
communicative
algorithms applied
during social
communications
and interactions in
order to reach
certain effects or
results.
 Interpersonal Skills

listening

using

Speaking feedback

conflict handling

questioning
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ESSENTIAL IP COMPETENCIES

 Self awareness
 Control
 Motivation
 Acknowledging the interests of
friends/co-workers
 Communication skills

5
Self Awareness

 That which allows us to stand apart

and examine even the way we ‘see’
ourselves – our self-concept.
 It affects not only our attitudes and
behaviours, but also how we see
other people.
Who am I ?
Know yourself
Our MIND contains
many individual
selves,
• each with its own
way of perceiving the
world,
• each with its own
personal history,
physical
characteristics,
emotional and physical
reactions, and opinions
on how we should run
our lives
When do you introduce
yourself ?
When you
• Meet a person for the
first time.
• Go for an Interview
•Want to make new
friends
• First day at college
• First day at work
• Want to start a new
conversation with a
person
Image & Self-Projection
 We are
Your
Pare
shaped,
consciously
or nts
unconsciou
sly by the
upbringing
of our
Parents.
Your Parents
 Our Parents
have gone
through difficult
times to make
us what we are.
 Your Parents

 They suffer
silently.
 Do not expect
return in money
 My Family
 Our families
have emerged
after trial and
tribulations of
various types –
financial,
psychological
or physical.
 -- Thirukkural
The best Original source on Inter-
personal skills
 DEVELOPING IP Skills

 Developing Assertiveness
 Accepting Responsibility
 Managing Conflicts
Avoiding
Accommodating
Competing/Forcing
Collaborating
Compromising
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Factors Hampering
Interpersonal Interactions
 Poor Listening
 Emotional Arousal
 Lack of Time
 Differences in Attitude/
Values/beliefs

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Steps Toward
Changing
Behavior The New YOU!

BEHAVIOR

4. Unconscious Competence

3. Conscience Competence

2. Conscience Incompetence

1. Unconscious
Incompetence
 Eric Berne and Transactional
Analysis
Transactional Analysis
A unified system of individual
and social psychiatry
Focuses on the individual but
also one’s relationship to
others
A model for explaining why and how:
People think like they do
People act like they do
People interact/communicate with
others
Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis
 People have three ego states: parent,
adult, child
 Parent: when a person thinks, feels &
behaves in ways copied from his/her
parents
 Child: thinking, feeling, behaving as
one did as a child
 Adult: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors
that are a direct result of current
happenings
Key point: people shift in & out of these 21
Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis – further

development
 Parent & child ego states subdivided
 Parent state: controlling or
nurturing
 Child state: free child (FC) or
adapted child (AC)
• AC – a person conforms & adapts
to demands of others
 FC – a person acts & feels like an
uninhibited & impulsive child
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 Ego Portraits
People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted
by larger circle in a diagram
Parent Adult Child

P P
P

A
A
A

C
C C

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BASIC HUMAN EGO STATES
(PERSONALITY STATES)

THREE BASIC FURTHER BREAKDOWN OF EGO STATES

EGO STATES LECTURING, CRITICIZING, MANY
“OUGHTS”, “SHOULD”
CRITICAL PARENT &”DON’TS”
P NURTURING PARENT CONSOLING, “TAKING CARE” OF
(PARENT) OTHERS, SYMPATHY

A ADULT
OBJECTIVE, RATIONAL, ORIENTED
TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING, DE-
(ADULT) EMPHASIZE EMOTION

MODIFIED BEHAVIOUR TO
CONFORM TO ADULT
ADAPTED CHILD EXPECTATIONS, MANUPULATIVE,
C NATURAL CHILD
SUMBISSIVE

(CHILD) PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE,

NATULRALLY CURIOUS
&CREATIVE, FUN LOVING,
REBELLIOUS
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TYPICAL WAYS OF EXPRESSING EGO
STATES ON THE JOB
“CAN’T YOU TURN IN A REPORT ON TIME JUST
ONCE?”
CRITICAL “YOU SHOULD CLEAN UP YOUR DESK ONCE IN A
WHILE!”
PARENT “I’M SURPRISED AT YOU… THIS PRODUCT SHOULD HAVE
BEEN COMPLETED A MONTH AGO.”

NURTURING “I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU”

PARENT “LET ME CLEAN UP THAT DESK FOR YOU, MR. SMITH”

“YOU’VE DONE A SWELL JOB, TOM.”

“WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?”

ADULT “CAN’T WE REACH SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE?”
“WHAT CONSEQUENCES WILL THIS ACTION HAVE?”

“ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR!”

ADAPTED “SORRY, I’LL TRY TO IMPROVE.”
CHILD “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON ME… THE OTHERS WERE IN
ON THIS TOO!”

“LET ME SEE HOW THIS GADGET WORKS.”

NATURAL “WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO IT THIS WAY?”
CHILD “LET’S KNOCK OFF FOR TODAY! WHO WANTS TO WORK ON
A FRIDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY?”

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 Types of Transactions
Complementary Transactions: Appropriate and
Expected Transactions indicating healthy
human relationships.
Communication takes place when transactions
are complementary. A stimulus invites a
response; this response becomes a stimulus
inviting further response and so on.
Complementary transaction between
supervisor & employee

Supervisor Employee
P
P
A A
C C
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 Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego

states of 2 people interacting is assessed
 Complimentary interaction:
 one person in a nurturing parent ego
state
 other person in their adaptive child
ego state

27
 Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states

of 2 people interacting is assessed, cont’d.
 Crossed transaction:
 A leader in the adult ego state deals with
 A subordinate who responds from their free
child ego state with somewhat negative,
rejecting input from the leader

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Transactional Analysis Types
(II)
Crossed transaction

Supervisor Employee
P P
A A
C C

Crossed Transaction: This causes most

difficulties in social situations.
“May be, you should improve your study habits”.
“You always find fault with me whatever I do”
Parent-Child interaction.
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Ulterior Transactions

 Occur when the words seem to be

coming from one ego state, but in
reality the words or behaviors are
coming from another
 Sometimes when people don’t know what
they want or how to ask for it in a direct
way, they resort to ulterior transactions
 Best to avoid ulterior transactions
because they tend to waste time
Transactional Analysis Types
(III)
Ulterior transaction

Supervisor Employee
P P
A A
C C

Supervisor Employee
P P
A A
C C

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(T.A.) Strokes

Strokes are the recognition

one person gives another
 These begin in infancy as
hugs
 Later in life become more
verbal/abstract
 STROKING
THE TYPES OF STROKES YOU SEEK DEPEND ON YOUR OKAYNESS

POSITIVE NEGATIVE CONDITIONAL

STROKES STROKES STROKES

PRAISE PUT-DOWNS STROKES WITH

ULTERIOR
COMPLEMENTS CRITICISM MOTIVES

RECOGNITION DEGRADING
STROKES GIVEN FOR
AFFECTION RIDICULE WHAT YOU DO,
RATHER THAN FOR
REWARDS SCOLDING WHAT YOU ARE:

SYMPATHY PUNISHMENT
(5) PERFORMANCE
CONSOLATION DISCOUNTING ORIENTED
STROKES
SELF-SATISFACTION
FROM JOB WELL (6) ACCOMODATION &
DONE CONFORMITY
ORIENTED
STROKES
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 Life Positions
Attitude toward Oneself

Positive I’m OK — I’m OK —

You’re not OK You’re OK
Negative
I’m not OK — I’m not OK —
You’re not OK You’re OK

Negative Positive

Attitude toward Others

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TA Life Positions
 I’m not OK,
you’re OK  ME

‘I wish I could do
it as well as
•you do’
CHILD-TO-ADULT EGO  YOU
STATE ACTIVATED.
• FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY;
• HERO WORSHIP;
• LOOKING FOR PARENT
SUBSTITUTES.
• SEEKS DOMINANCE FROM
OTHERS.
TA Life Positions
 I’m OK, you’re
not OK  ME

‘You’re not doing it

right, let me show
you’
• USUALLY CRITICAL PARENT  YOU
EGO STATE ACTIVATED.
• MAY EVOLVE FROM HURT
OR DISCOUNTED CHILD
GIVING HIMSELF STROKES.
• FEELS DISTRUST, ANGER,
SUPERIORITY.
 TA Life Positions
 I’m not OK,
you’re not  ME
OK
‘This is terrible, we’ll
never succeed’
• POOR MENTAL HEALTH
• LACKS TRUST IN SELF &  YOU
OTHERS.
• FEELINGS OF
HOPELESSNESS OFTEN
• EXTREME DEPRESSION.
TA Life Positions
 I’m OK, you’re
OK  ME

‘We’re making good

progress here’
• THE “WINNER”,
HEALTHY,  YOU
OPTIMISTIC,
PROACTIVE
• WIN –WIN ATTITUDE
• USUALLY ADULT-TO-
ADULT EGO STATE.
• IDEAL LIFE
POSITION
Building Positive
Relationship
 Use of ‘I’
 Focus on problem solving
 Don’t Deceive
 Empathy
 Listen

39
Building Positive
Relationship
Use of Praise
 Be specific
 Praise progress
 Sincere
 Don’t overdo
 Timing

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 Past
Ouch!
Experiences

Ouch!
Ouch! Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!
Dealing with Criticism

 Understand the Reason behind

 Empathy
 Don’t personalize criticism
 Do not be Judgmental
 Do not overload

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 Steps Involved

 Planning
 Impersonal Relationship
Building
 Exchanging Task-Related
Information
 Persuasion
 Agreement
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 Managing Conflict Styles

Passive I’m Assertive

behavior not OK — I’m OK — behavior
You’re OK You’re OK

High concern Accommodating Collaborating

for others’ style style
needs

Compromising
style

Aggressive
Avoiding Forcing behavior
style style

Low concern High concern

for others’ I’m for own
needs not OK — needs I’m OK —
You’re not OK You’re not OK
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Negotiation Tactics & Behavior
 Location
 Time
 Buyer-Seller Relation
 Extreme Behavior
 Promises/Threats
 Using Silence

46
Tactful Conversations

T = Think before you speak

A = Apologize quickly when you blunder
C = Converse, don’t compete
T = Time your comments
F = Focus on behavior – not personality
U = Uncover hidden feelings
L = Listen to feedback