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According to a May 1995 article in Scientific American "The best intervention and prevention of delinquent and antisocial behavior in children is the parent's involvement in a parent education program that teaches more consistent, less coercive discipline techniques
Ultimately the most powerful method of influencing our childrens behavior is our relationship with them. You are your childs best teacher.
I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. I am satisfied that such punishment in most instances does more damage than good. Children dont need beating. They need love and encouragement. They need fathers to whom they can look with respect rather than fear. Above all, they need example.
Child
Parent
Family Stress
Child Factors
Temperament Reactivity to stimuli, Attention Span, Abnormal Sleep Pattern Physical Motor coordination, strength, stamina, appearance Development Impaired language, delayed speech, low IQ., poor social skills
Parent Factors
Temperament Easily angered vs. eternally patient, Reacts to everything vs. non-reactive Emotional problems Parental depression impairs the ability to adequately parent the children
Family Stress
Marital Discord Financial Troubles Tense relations with relatives Death in the family Chronic illness in the family
Paying Attention
Best Boss vs. Worst Boss Children like Adults respond to attention They dont care what type of attention (negative or positive) Develop a routine for positive attention (special time for each child ~ 15 min. daily)
Praising Compliance
catch your child being good Children like adults respond to praise Specific praise is ideal to shape behavior Ex: I like it when you do as I say Ex: Mom really likes it when you pick up your toys
Using Time-Out
Give a command Count loudly backward from 5 (use only for a few initial weeks of using this method) If child has not complied, issue a warning Warning method eye contact, raise voice to louder than normal (not yelling), adopt a firmer posture, and say If you dont do as I say, then you are going to sit in that chair
How long?
1-2 minutes per year of the childs age Ex: 4 year old = 4 minutes Once the time has elapsed, they must be quiet for a few moments After the time-out they should do what they were originally told to do or agree not to do the negative behavior they did
Time-Out(cont..)
When the child is in the chair there is no discussion or argument with the child Siblings and the other spouse are not to speak to that child during the time-out Once the child complies with the command the parent should tell the child I like it when you do as I say
Time-Out(cont..)
Certain times you do not need the warning period Ex: Violation of household rules (lying, hitting, cursing, etc) , Ex: Complex tasks like cleaning the bedroom you can give the warning and command at the same time
Time-Out(cont..)
What if the child leaves the chair? Return the child to the chair and give ONE warning If you leave the chair again you will have to go to your room If this is necessary the bedroom should be emptied of any enjoyable activities such as TV, games, playstation, etc.. Alternatives could be loss of larger things such as going over to the friends house this week, watching TV, etc..
Child Ploys
I need to go to the bathroom I am sick I am hungry Attempts to rock or tip over the chair Claims he will not love you anymore
Parental Mistakes
Not implementing time-out until very angry, after having said the command over and over again Letting the child control the time Standard time for every infraction and every age Allow the child to barter out of time-out or agree to follow directions once he is being taken to time-out
Summary
Parenting is a complicated process but basically involves teaching and developing a relationship Children learn from verbal and nonverbal teaching Also from what they are and are not exposed to (experiences) Do your best with what is under your control
Teenagers
Peer groups become more important Most children do not rebel or act up in teenage years Most of them choose peer groups similar to their families Identity Development is one key task that kids this age are engaged in.