Self Awareness and Managing Personal Effectiveness

Goleman's (2001) Emotional Intelligence Competencies

SELF
Personal Competence Self-Awareness Recognition Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Self-Assessment Self-Confidence

OTHERS
Social Competence Social Awareness Empathy Service Orientation Organizational Awareness

Self Management
Regulation Self-Control Trustworthiness Conscientiousness Adaptability Achievement Drive Initiative

Relationship Management
Developing Others Influence Communication Conflict Management Leadership Change Catalyst Building Bonds Teamwork and Collaboration

Adapted from Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman Primal Press HBSP 2002

Two Realms of Emotional Intelligence

According to Goleman (1998)

Personal Competence

Gardner's intra-personal intelligence

Ability to understand one's own feelings, motivations and fears.

Social Competence

Gardner's interpersonal intelligence

Ability to understand others,their desires, their motivations and intentions.

The Emotional Competence Framework

Personal Competence: These competencies determine how we manage ourselves.
SELF-AWARENESS
Emotional self-awareness: Reading ones own emotions and recognizing their impact; using gut sense to guide decisions Accurate self-assessment: Knowing ones strengths and limits Self-confidence: A sound sense of ones self-worth and capabilities

*P Primal Leadership, Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business School Press, 2002

Self Awareness Skill sets associated with Self-Awareness include

Emotional Awareness: Recognizing ones emotions and their effects

Know which emotions you feel and why Realize the links between feelings and what you do, say, and think Recognize how feelings affect performance Have a guiding awareness of personal values and goals

Accurate Self-Assessment

Knowing ones strengths and limits

Aware of personal strengths and weaknesses Reflective and able to learn from experience Open to candid feedback, new perspectives and self-development

Able to show a sense of humour and perspective about oneself

Able to have a presence and be self-assured Able to voice views that are different and/or unpopular

Self-Confidence:

Able to be decisive and make decisions despite uncertainties

The Emotional Competence Framework

Personal Competence: * SELF-MANAGEMENT Emotional self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses under control Transparency: Displaying honest and integrity; trustworthiness Adaptability: Flexibility in adapting to changing situations or overcoming obstacles Achievement: The drive to improve performance to meet inner standards of excellence Initiative: Readiness to act and seize opportunities Optimism: Seeing the upside in events

What is Deception?

Young Red-necked Wallaby-allows it to blend in with its environment.

To lie to oneself, to hold beliefs outside of awareness. -Sackeim (1983)

Types of Deception
Distraction Camouflage Physical deception through the alterations of appearances Dissimulation (concealing truth, half-truths) Propaganda

-Pienaar, (2009)

Whats wrong with self-deception?

Moral Dimensions?
Deception v/s Self Deception
Deception Can be harmful to people Has a disregard for the truth Generally has a tone of manipulation Self Deception Can be harmful to people Has a disregard for the truth

Involves the manipulation of

oneself Undermines ones agency

Leaves others feeling betrayed

Undermines anothers agency.

Can become habitual with a need to be perpetuated a need to see oneself despite the evidence

MAKING THE CONNECTION

Self Awareness
the need to know and the fear of knowing -Abraham Maslow (1968)

Define Self--Activity
Seeing yourself as a unique individual Self Concept The mental ideas we form of ourselves
How do these change over time?

The Self-Concept
Who are you really? Are you the person that you are because of your unique personality, physical and mental abilities etc. Or do you get information about who you are from outside influences?

The concept of self implies that people are a combination of physical and psychological attributes that are unique to that individual.

Development of our Self-Image

Early emotional experiences influence our concept
of Who I am

Because we are influenced by all of our experiences,

self-image is not a singular concept but rather an array of understanding.

The Personal Self-Image

The part of the self that includes physical,
behavioral and psychological characteristics that establish uniqueness, it includes racial/ethnic identity, age, and statuswho you THINK you are

The Real Self

In order to discover ones Real Self, one must
separate what is real from the Personal Self-Image One cannot really discover the Real Self until one is ready to accept the possibility that everything you believe about yourself at this point may be wrong.

Sensitive Line
Point at which individuals become defensive or protective when encountering information about themselves Increased self-knowledge occurs when: Information is verifiable, predictable and controllable Self-disclose so others can provide insights into your behavior

Core Aspects of Self-Concept

Values Attitudes (Toward Change) Interpersonal Needs

Learning Style

Self-Esteem
The overall evaluation of oneself How we evaluate ourselves is a crucial element in
our psychological adjustment

Positive self-esteem effects our physical well-being

as well as our likelihood for success

Self Esteem
Seeing our self concept in relation to a set of standards
Positive or high self esteem Negative or low self esteem

What influences self esteem? Does self esteem change over time?

Improving Self-Esteem
Recognize that you are in control of your self-image Be able to accept all parts of your physical
appearance now Affirm your strengths List your faults Listen to your Inner Voice

Daily Practices
Living consciously Self-acceptance Self-responsibility Self-assertiveness Living purposefully Personal integrity

Significant Others
The important people in our lives (not just a single
important person)

Significant others in our lives convey messages about

us that we interpret as important

From all this information, we construct a mental

blueprint of who we are and what we are capable of

Social Comparison
The process in which individuals evaluate their
thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and abilities in relation to other people.

Social comparison allows us a way to decide if we

are the same or different, inferior or superior relative to others

Social Comparison
Our interpretation of sameness or difference
relative to others will influence our sense of belonging or isolation Our interpretation of inferiority or superiority relative to others will influence our sense of capability and worth

To ponder and discuss

Who are the significant others in your life today? Who were the significant others in your childhood? To whom are you a significant other?

Understanding Thinking Pattern (negative) for Improved Self Esteem

There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. Shakespeare

The mind is its own place and it can make hell of heaven or heaven of hell-- Donne

Common Styles of Negative Self Talk

Filtering out positive aspects of a situation, while focusing only on negatives (Negativizing) This job is nothing but one headache after another This job has many negative things about it, but then it has some positive ones too. Like most things it is a mixture of good and bad.
Diminishing the value or importance of something to less than it actually is (Minimizing) I know my boss said most of my submission was great but he also said there were a number of mistakes that had to be corrected...he must think Im really hopeless. Making more of an event than it actually is. (Magnifying) I wish I could be more like my friend, hes the most popular guy in the world and everyone wants to be around him. I guess Im somewhat likable, but I think I talk too much, I get really anxious around others at times, and I hate that I dont have as much money as my friends. Thinking this way leaves little room to remember the fact that you are actually a likable person.

This low grade is worst thing that ever happened to me. It's horrible. What a person I am!
How unfortunate that I did'nt do well on this test. I genuinely blew it. Yet it's not the end of the world. Next time I certainly will study harder.

Common Styles of Negative Self Talk

Generalizing from a single piece of information to all or most such things. (Generalizing)
People like her cant be trusted You never listen to me He always interrupts me I always mess up I've messed up this time but I can learn from my mistake. I had a bad week at work so I need to quit. The last was not so interesting, but it does not mean that every day is the same day.

Attributing responsibilities of events , specially negative ones, to someone else, even when such responsibilities rightfully belongs to the self. (Blaming) My poor grades is a result of faculty's strict evaluation.

It would have been nice if the evaluation was not so strict. However, I am responsible for my poor grades.

Exercise: Tarun's Thinking

Tarun was laid off from work, along with several other employees, because of a business slowdown. He felt bummed out, worried, angry, and guilty, and he became quite depressed. He kept thinking, Im a born loser. Im letting my family down. How do you think these thoughts made him feel? Can you see where his thinking is distorted or inaccurate?

What thoughts would you suggest he think instead?

Assignment : Break Free From Unhealthy Thinking Patterns

Briefly describe a situation where you have used each thinking style?

With whom you used the style

For what purpose you used each style?

Personal Effectiveness Scale Scoring

Original Score 0 1 2 3 4 Reserved Responses 4 3 2 1 0 Enter your responses after reversing the (*) marked ones

Item 1* 4* 7 10*

Response

Item 2 5* 8 11*

Response

Item 3* 6* 9 12*

Response

13
Total

14

15*

Self Disclosure

Openness to Feedback

Perceptiveness

If the total score less then 11 write L (low), if more than 11 write H (high)

Personal Effectiveness Scale: Interpretation

Mark one category as per your scores: Defines your effectiveness type

S.No
1

Category
Effective

Self Diclosure
High

Opennes to Feedback
High

Perceptiveness
High

2
3

Insensitive
Egocentric

High
High

High
Low

Low
Low

4
5

Dogmatic
Secretive

High
Low

Low
High

High
High

6
7 8

Task Obsessed
Lonely Empathetic Ineffective

Low
Low Low

High
Low Low

Low
High Low

Thank You