Screamfree PARENTING

Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool

Agenda
1. Dont Freak Out 2. What Kind of Parent Are You? 3. Parenting Is Not About Kids, Its About Parents 4. Q & A

Introduction
Traditional Behaviour Approaches to Parenting
How to change children behaviour change parenting tactics

Gerald Patterson (1982)

Fail to notice when children behave well Pay too much attention to negative behaviours Makes empty threats or escalating demands on children

Introduction
Missing Link
Parent thoughts and feelings

ACT Model of Parenting

Philosophy Thoughts and Feelings are Heart of how you perceive and respond to your child - Notice thoughts and Feelings (Mindfulness)

Introduction
Accept and Aware Choose Take Action

Dont Freak Out

Anxious Calming all our reactive responses to this anxiety Suggestion
Put a Fence Around your Worries Create a Pause Between Action and Reaction
1 Pre-temper indicators 2 Pause

What Kind of Parent Are You?

Fundamental Shift
Not about Children. Its about Parent

Typical Parenting Style

Authoritarian
Obedient & Skilled in life or very rebellious Less Happiness

Permissive
Pretty Unhappy as adults More difficulties with authority figures

What Kind of Parent Are You?

Authoritative
Clear Rules & Fair Calm & Safe Successful in Life

Parenting Style Quiz

Parenting Style
3 4 Points
You are in the Too Hard Zone. Rules are very important to you and strictness is a good thing. Although you might get short term compliance, the relationship is beginning to suffer and long term performance is not good

Parenting Style
5 7 Points
You are in the Just Right Zone, or the sweet spot. You have found a way to stay in the middle during tough times and can stay focused even when your child is trying to use excuses

Parenting Style
8 9 Points
You are probably in the Too Soft Zone. Nurturing is extremely important to you and you hope it will be enough. But you are worried that it isnt because things arent getting better.

What Kind of Parent Am I

The Calm Parent The Anxious Parent The Angry Parent The Supportive Parent The Blaming Parent The Consultant The Perfectionist The Boss

Not About Kids, Its About Parents

Are your children something you can control Even if you could control your kids should you? What is its not the kids who are out of control

Biggest Enemy
Biggest Struggle as Parents
Not with television, computer games Not with bad influences

Own emotional reactivity Where does emotional reactivity come from? What can we do about it

 Are we responsible for our children? You need to be in control of the things you can control.
Starts and End with You

You are responsible to your children