Chapter 5

Healthy Relationships: Communicating Effectively with Friends, Family, and Significant Others

Lecture Outline
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written by Bridget Melton, Georgia Southern University

Objectives
Discuss ways to improve communication skills and interpersonal interactions. Identify the characteristics of successful relationships, including how to maintain them and overcome common barriers. Explore similarities and differences between men and women in communication styles and decision making. Examine factors that are important in determining the success of an intimate relationship, and where to get help when a relationship has problems. Discuss actions that can improve interpersonal interactions. Examine factors that affect life decisions, such as whether to have children.
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Forming Intimate Relationships

Characteristics of intimate relationships Behavioral interdependence Need fulfillment Emotional attachment Emotional availability Intimate relationships are a means of need fulfillment. Intimacy Social integration Nurturance Assistance Affirmation
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How Intimate Is a Relationship?

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Being Self-Nurturant
Accountability
Responsible for your own decisions, choices, and actions

Self-nurturance
Realistic appreciation of self-worth and ability

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Families: The Ties that Bind

Family of origin comprises the people present in the household during a childs first years of life. Nuclear family consists of parents and their offspring.

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Establishing Friendships
What makes a good friendship?
Enjoyment Acceptance Respect Mutual assistance

Confiding Understanding Spontaneity

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Significant Others, Partners, Couples

Along with the characteristics of friendship, love relationships include these characteristics:
Fascination: paying attention to the other person at the expense of other activities

Exclusiveness: giving the love relationship priority over all others Sexual desire: desiring physical intimacy and wanting to touch, hold, and engage in sexual activities with each other Giving the utmost: providing unlimited support when the other is in need, sometimes to the point of extreme sacrifice Being a champion or advocate: actively championing each others interests
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Common Bonds of Friends and Lovers

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Figure 5.1

This Thing Called Love

Two types of love
Companionate or mature Passionate or lust

Triangular Theory of Love

Intimacy Passion Decision and commitment
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Activity Break: Turn to a Partner

In groups of two to three, answer the following questions.
Is there only one right person for everyone? How does society promote this soul mate notion? How do we encourage children, adolescents, and ourselves to believe there may be more than one person who would be a suitable partner? How do we distinguish between lust and love?

How do we distinguish between fantasy (media, books, etc.) and reality?

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How Perception Affects Communication

Perception is the process by which people filter and interpret information from the senses to create a meaningful picture of the world. Factors that affect self-perception
Self-concept

Self-esteem

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Improving Your Communication Skills

Learn appropriate self-disclosure.
Get to know yourself. Become more accepting of yourself. Be willing to discuss your sexual historywith your partner of course.

Choose a safe context for self-disclosure.

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Improving Your Communication Skills (cont.)

Be a better listener.
Competitive, or combative, listening: more interested in promoting our own point of view Passive, or attentive, listening: genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other persons point of view Active, or reflective, listening: active in confirming our understanding before responding with our own new message

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Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication includes all unwritten and unspoken messages, both intentional and unintentional.
Touch Gesture Interpersonal space Facial expressions Body language

Tone of voice
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Managing Conflict
Conflict is an emotional state that arises when the behavior of one person interferes with the behavior of another. Conflict-resolution strategies
Identify the problem or issues.
Generate several possible solutions. Decide on the best solution. Implement the solution. Follow up.
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Gender Issues in Relationships

Genderlect is differences in word choices, interruption patterns, questioning patterns, language interpretations and misinterpretations, and vocal influences that are based on gender. Understanding gender differences in communication patterns is the first step toward promoting effective communication.

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Troubles Talk: How Men and Women Respond: Men

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Troubles Talk: How Men and Women Respond: Women

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Figure 5.3b

Activity Break: Match.com Ad

Get in all-male or all-female groups of four to five. Create an online ad for Match.com (3 to 4 minutes). After your group has come up with a list, please put it on the board; no need to repeat qualities.

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Picking Partners
Influenced by more than just chemical and psychological processes
Proximity Similarities Reciprocity

Physical attraction

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Jealousy in Relationships
Jealousy is an aversive reaction evoked by a real or imagined relationship involving ones partner and a third person.
Overdependence on the relationship Severity of the threat

High value on sexual exclusivity

Low self esteem Fear of losing control

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Committed Relationships
Marriage
Monogamy Serial monogamy Open relationship

Cohabitation Common-law marriage

Gay and lesbian partnerships

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ABC News Video: Jilted Brides Bounce Back

| Jilted Brides Bounce Back

Discussion Questions

1. Which of the brides do you think had the healthiest reaction? What do you think is the best way to deal with a negative event such as being left at the altar?
2. In what ways does communication support a relationship? What happens when communication falters, and what are strategies that can be used to overcome communication problems?
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Staying Single

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Success in Relationships
Confronting couples issues
Changing gender roles: Modern society has very few gender-specific roles.
Sharing power: Dynamics between men and women changed as women began enjoying their own financial success. Unmet expectations: Not communicating our expectations can lead to disappointment and hurt.

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Effects of Womens Age and Ethnicity on Marriage Success

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Effects of Womens Age and Ethnicity on Marriage Success (cont.)

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When and Why Relationships End

Divorce rates have been estimated to be 50 percent; however, this is misleading.
The U.S. divorce rate is 41 percent and decreasing.

Factors that influence divorce include:

Age: Younger couples are more likely to not succeed.
Socioeconomic scale: The lower they are on the SES, the higher the likelihood of divorce.

Family history: Those with divorce in the family have a higher tolerance for divorce.
Children: Those with children often try to hang on to an unhealthy situation.
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Elements of Healthy Relationships

Trust
Predictability

Dependability
Faith

Behavior interpretation in the context of the relationship Like your partner Sexual intimacy Shared and cherished history
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Having Children or Not?

Children are expensive
One child costs an estimated $250,000 to raise from birth to 17 years. Eighty percent of mothers work outside the home.

Children from a previous marriage

Add dynamics, can lead to stress

Work, school, chores, and family obligations = FATIGUE

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