Responsible Parenting and Parenting Styles

By Mrs. Tess Leones

Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center

Ephesians 6:4
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And you, fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up tenderly with true Christian training and advice

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Point your kids in the right direction--when theyre old they wont be lost

Children are Gods Gifts, and He says,

Bring Them Up In Nurture and Christian Discipline.

Nurture:
Parental Warmth The degree to which parents are accepting, responsive, and compassionate with their children.

Parental Warmth Spectrum

------------------------------------------------------------------ Parents high | Parents who | Parents who In warmth | show little | show no warmth warmth at all

HIGH WARMTH IS RECOMMENDED

Christian Discipline:
Parental Control The degree to which parents set limits and enforce rules.

Parental Control Spectrum

------------------------------------------------------------------ Parents with | Moderate degree | Very little High degree | of control | or no control of control at all

MODERATE DEGREE OF CONTROL IS RECOMMENDED

It has been found out that when parenting is high in warmth, children show better social and academic skills. They are loving, and respectful to their parents and other people.

Numerous studies have shown that children who received little or no warmth at all become more aggressive and perform poorly in school.

Likewise, children who were raised by parents with high degree of parental control, as well as low control, show depression, more prone to drug use and delinquency. Parents low in control are either lax, permissive, or uninvolved with their children.

Needs of Children
Children have needs. Sometimes they can be divided into lower needs and higher needs or physical and psychological needs.

Physical (Lower) Needs

A Few of these include: Food Water Clothes Shelter

Higher (Psychological) Needs

Love Esteem Sense

of Belonging Independence Communication

Love Languages
Children have different sensory access modes. Some auditory, others visual, others kinesthetic. Therefore, they have to be accessed through their preferred sense modality.

Love Languages
Dr. Chapman has identified 5 Love languages 1. Physical touch 2. Words of affirmation 3. Quality time 4. Gifts 5. Acts of service

Communication
Good communication is both verbal and non-verbal Communication should be two-way, not just one way (commander-in-chief or judge) Should be reflective

Parenting Styles
Parents develop their own parenting style that is unique to their particular personality and their own beliefs about how children should be raised. We are influenced by how we were raised (incorporating methods or doing the opposite).

Parenting styles have been found to predict a childs well-being in the area of social competence, academic performance and psycho-social development.

There are 4 Basic Parenting Styles

These styles are based on two elements: 1. Expression of Parental Warmth (Love) 2. Expression of Parental Control

4 Parenting Styles
Authoritarian

Parents Permissive Parents Authoritative Parents Rejecting/Neglecting Parents

Authoritarian Parents Excessive Control Minimal Warmth

Authoritarian Parents
highly demanding. expect their orders

explanation. no negotiation allowed obedience centered (Commander-in-chief) disciplinary methods tend to be harsh and punitive the parent-child relationship is fearful and distant

to be followed without

Children of Authoritarian Parents tend to be fearful, anxious

have higher level of depression rebellious/defiant toward authority figures relies too much on authority for decisions lower self-esteem; feels trapped and angry

afraid to confront his parents he may perform well in school, but the achievement is more to meet the parents high expectations.

but

Permissive Parents
These parents have little control. They may be indulgent or indifferent.

Indulgent Permissive Parents

Are

overprotective Submit to their childrens whims and demands Cannot say no to their children.

Indifferent Permissive Parents

Are negligent Uninvolved in

lives Often inconsistent in setting standards of behavior.

their childrens

Children of Permissive Parents

Are often self-centered. Are used to getting their own way Are low in social responsibility Display immature and regressive

behaviors and may grow up to be infantile adults. Lack self-disciple and have little respect for others.

Children of Permissive Parents

They are more likely to have behavioral problems, perform less well in school and feel unloved. Because they feel unloved or uncared for, they usually attach themselves to peers who similarly lack discipline.

Authoritative Parents

Balance of parental control and parental warmth.

Authoritative Parents
Warm

and firm enforcing of standards of behavior Encouraging/affirming Provides children with autonomy with moderate limits Use disciplinary methods that are supportive rather than punitive There is a clear communication between parent and child, and the lines of communication go both ways

Children of Authoritative Parents

Performs better in school Is less hostile and has greater self-esteem Shows more purpose and independence in

their activities Is more self-reliant and more socially competent. Has positive coping skills Has clear understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors

Neglecting/Rejecting Parents
These parents have low warmth.
rejecting

parents are harsh and actively reject their children parents ignore their
children

neglecting

Neglecting/Rejecting Parents
They fail to fulfill their responsibilities as parents; they may not be committed to the task of raising children; they may be depressed or emotionally unavailable to their children.

Children of Neglecting/Rejecting Parents

show

higher rates of delinquency, drug use and early sexual activity. perform poorly in school show disruptions in peer relations as well as cognitive development.

Children of Neglecting/Rejecting Parents

show

higher rates of delinquency, drug use and early sexual activity. perform poorly in school show disruptions in peer relations as well as cognitive development.

To My Grown Up Sons By Alice E. Chase

My hands were busy through the day I did not have time to play The little games you asked me to. I did not have much time for you. Id wash your clothes, Id sew and cook But when youd bring your picture book and ask me please to share your fun, Id say A little later, son.

Id touch you in all safe at night and hear your prayers, Turn out the light then tip toe softly to the door, I wish Id stay a minute more, for life is short The years rush past A little boy grows up so fast No longer is he at your side His precious secrets to confide The picture books are put away

There are no more games to play No good night kiss, no prayers to hear That all belong to yesteryear. My hands once busy, now lie still The days are long and hard to fill. Oh I wish I might go back to do The little things you asked me to.