Dating, Courtship,

Engagement
Instructor
Course
Dating- it is the occasional spending time together by
a boy and a girl for the purpose of companionship, of
getting acquainted, for entertainment, usually
without any intention of marriage
It is an educational process affording opportunity of
being acquainted with persons of the opposite sex
with social opportunities and their demands and
restrictions surrounding the activities.
It is a kind of a testing laboratory where one learns
human changes and sex differences, and a
communication workshop for the persons involved
PURPOSE
1. Enjoying merely/having a good time with what
another person provides (primary purpose)
2. Acquainting oneself with the temperaments,
characteristics, and interests of a fairly large number
of members of the opposite sex(ultimate purpose)
3. One can decide whether each one can commit
himself/herself to the other for life by getting to
know the other well.
STAGES
A. Infatuation stage- when sex and romance are the
key elements that often make the intellect loose control;
Thrill and feelings are strongest; sex= love; decision to
marry is very dangerous.
B. Objectivity/Honesty- marked by greater awareness of
relationship and sexuality; both relates with one another
with a high degree of openness; leads to the discovery
that the other is not attracted to the other as they both
believe before,
Discovery of the beauty of the other and deepens
that beauty in other, hence, growth together,
adjustments to each other; dreams are
compromised.
C. Altruism- marked by a focus on allowing the
other person to grow and here a significant
willingness to share both joys and pains to the
othr and with the other; results to the growth of
both in pain, patience, warmth, freedom,
Strength, honesty and pleasures.
KINDS OF DATING
1. Group dating- this happens when group of girls agreed
to meet a group of boys to share certain activities like
going to a movie, picnic etc. The primary stage where
young people interact to fellow teenagers( without the
watchful eyes of the parents) and get along with them.
2. Double dating- this involves 2 couples. There could be
a lot of talk, a lot of laughter but the conversation
Never get serious.
2. Pair Dating- there comes a time a person get
tired of dating different persons and he/she feels
the need to settle for a permanent dating
partner. This happen when an individual feels
that he/she has found the characters he/she
would want for a company. This is considered as
stepping stone or a prerequisite to marriage.
Thats when one should be cautious of the person
You are sharing a date with.
Some individual put a different color to that
friendly atmosphere in dating instead of
developing themselves young people often
get so impulsive and goes all the way down. A
misconception among the young that dating
and sexual intimacies go hand in hand.
WHAT TO CONSIDER WITH A DATE
1. Character- when everyone hopes that his/her dating
partner is an options of good breeding.
2. Physical appearance have a pleasing appearance,
well groomed, free from body-odor.
3. Financial capabilities- no one enjoys a date with
nothing on his pocket. It provides the dating partner
some sense of security.
4. parental approval- it is essential tht their opinions are
considered since it could help one in providing a feeling
Of security while dating particularly if it is the first
time and one is still dependent on them.
5. Public Opinion- what people say of your
partner can influence ones cxhoice of partner.
6. Personal Choice- it is essential that one should
go out with someone he personally likes/ feels
comfortable with. He must not be compelled to
go out with someone he does not like. It is not a
matter of delecadeza to reject
An invitation, but a matter of fairness to your
partner and more to oneself.
KINDS OF DATING
1. Old Shoe familiarity- it is characterized by dates
with old friends who are considered as comrades,
with very little or no thrill or excitement being in
love.
2. Glamour dates- purely to date somebody who
is well known in the campus; a personality who
Happens to be the envy of ones eyes. Just dating
somebody popular is enough.
3. Blind date- known as pick-up dates. It is rather
scary in a sense since it leaves you wondering
how your date will look.
4. Growing friendship date- provides the couple a
chance to get to know each other better. This
kind of date doesnt usually lead the couple to
the altar but instead, to something that might be
The basis of a lifelong friendship.
5. group date- it provides the group deeper
acquaintances and closer socialization. It is an
easy and natural approach to dating. It
facilitates opportunities for acquiring social
skills and reduce anxieties of being alone with
your date.
6. Steady dating- it allows you to go out with a
permanent partner. In this kind of date you
Become committed to your partner. It is rather
more intimate in nature, it affords you and your
partner to be at ease with each others company.
TYPES OF DATERS
A. Public Image Dater- this is the kind who wants
to show everybody he is successful, the envy of
friends. He loves to boast of his conquests. To
him it is about the talk about dates that counts.
He dates for impression and
Prestige.
2. Pageant Dater- this one prefers big events, big
parties, shows, any place where there is crowd.
He is not comfortable being alone, afraid of
personal communication and commitment.
3. Panic Dater- this is usually a girl, afraid of being
left out of anything, thinks it is the end of the
world if a dateless weekend comes up. Dates
Anybody just to get out of the house.

4. Body Dater- this one would rather kiss and
touch than talk. He is exploiter, has his own
strategies to get something out of the girl. He
camouflages early maneuvers with good
manners, then moves in when the victim relaxes.
Watch out for this one, girls.
5. Egophobe- is one who is afraid to sk because
he anticipates he will be turned down. He is a
defeatist, a pessimist, believes no else will have
him.
6. the trader is also a body dater-he expects
affection as his natural right, his reward in return
for the date, This one also bears watching.
7. Car dater- This boy just wants to show his car
around, the girl is incidental. This holds the other
way around. The girl who choose he date
according to the car he drives.
One important thing to remember dating
provides a socially appropriate outlet for
Heterosexual interest during a period when adult
status is not attainable. Look for a date that will
help you grow as a person rather than just
anyone who is ready, willing and available.
Courtship
- All forms of behavior by which one tries to win
the consent of another for marriage
- it is the period of exploration, of shopping
around for an eventual mate.
Purpose
_ to allow one a final choice of a person as
marriage partner
- A stage preparatory to marriage
- A stage where boys and girls assess each other
- The time where young people try to break
away close ties with their parents and shift
their interest and affection to members of the
opposite sex.
Stages of Courtship
A. Dating
B. Going Steady
C. Getting Stage
Criteria in choosing a partner
1. Character
2. physical Appearance
3. Financial Capabilities
4. Parental Approval
5. Public Opinion
6. Personal choice
Guidelines to a healthier Boy-Girl Relationship
a. Although you desire your partner, you can
survive without him/her.
b. Talk openly with your partner about matters
of significance to the relationship.
3. Assume responsibility of your own level of
happiness and refrain from blaming the other
if he or she is unhappy.
4. keep the relationship alive.
5. Enjoy doing things together.
6. open up to new experience
7. Work to keep the romance alive
8. Actively demonstrate concern for the other
9. find meaning and sources of nourishment
beyond your relationship
10. Avoid exploiting the other.
11. Move in a direction of advancement in life
that definitely is meaningful.
12. Recognize the need for solitude and create
time in which to be alone.
13. Avoid assuming an attitude of ownership
towards the other.
14. Do not expect your partner to do for you
what you are capable of doing for yourself.

15. Disclose yourself to your partner.
16. Allow your partner a sense of privacy.
17. nurture your interest in your partners welfare
18. encourage each other to become all taht you
are capable of becoming
19. Be committed to the other.
Guiding points on going steady

1. close age range
2. same philosophy in life
3. similar educational background
4. same socio-economic status
5. same race
6. same religion
Basic Guidelines in finding and Becoming the
right person
SPIRITUALITY- not enough to be religious. He
must reflect in his character the divine
likeness-godliness. A person who comes from
god can lead you to God.
MUTUAL LOVE- dangerous for a couple to
marry because of infatuation especially if they
have no love for each other.
Love is summed up in 5 words:

Caring
Respect
Acceptance
Forgiveness
Trust
Religious Affiliation/Practices
God disapproves marriage with unbelievers. She
believes in God and manifests it in her behavior.

More impatient, resentful and belligerent.
What temperament does he/she manifest most
of the time? Positive or negative?
Both man and woman exercise self-control,
patience, understanding and kindness.
EDUCATIONAL DIFFERENCES
- the more educated the person, the wider is his
intellectual horizon. His way of perceiving things
tend to be deeper and more abstract. His ideas
More organized and logical, sensible and
relevant.
VALUES/PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE
- Unless there is respect and tolerance of each
others values, there will be more conflicts and
misunderstandings. Similarities in values will
easily understand each other.
COMMON INTEREST
A love relationship calls for companionship
and partnership. This becomes a reality as one
Shares his busy moments with the other.
PRACTICAL KNOWLEDGE
It should be a law that young people should not
get married unless they know how to take care of
their children and take care of the home the Lord
has given them.
PHYSICAL HEALTH
It is necessary that a physical check up be done
before entering into marriage. The marital

relationship be done before entering into marriage.
The marital relationship is a big responsibility; no
sickly person must attempt to bear it. Also, take
note of hereditary illnesses
PAST LIFE
Though past is past, the scar remains. A person
may be truly converted by the power of God, but
the tendencies of the former life are still there
inside.
PARENTS REACTION
A person marries not only one person but a whole family.
If your future in laws do not approve of you, try to win
their confidence. In-laws are one of the sources of
marital breakdown and separation.
SIGNIFICANCE
It is the time of choosing and discovering the most
suitable partner.
LENGTH OF TIME
Between six months to one year.



REQUIREMENTS
a. Prudence-
1. Good judgment
2. Good management
b. Wisdom (wise conduct)
1. Knowledge and good judgement based on
experience
ENGAGEMENT
A formal and mutual promise of marriage to take place in the near future


- begins when a person accepts a proposal of marriage.

- it provides time to test ones choice
- it is a rite of passage, it marks entry into a new
phase in life
- a state where one announces to family,
friends, and the local community taht a man
and a woman will soon wed.
- it is a promise to marry
- it is only a promise to marry, not a legal bond
in itself.
- it means that one partner can quit on the other
when decision to marry seems bad.
- it is better to endure a temporary
embarrassment of a broken engagement than an
unhappy marriage.
KINDS OF ENGAGEMENT
a. Formal- just between the two and known to
parents, relatives, and close friends
b. Informal- an engagement contract is made and

is usually performed with:
1. religious rites
2. social celebration
LENGTH OF TIME
3 months to one year according to the time
devoted to courtship. Short courtship needs
longer engagement to give time to the couple
to know each bother better.
The other one has his own beliefs and
manifests in his attitude. There will be no
harmony, fellowship and partnership between
them. Just like righteousness/lawlessness,
light and darkness, or Christ and Belzeebub.
AGE DIFFERENCE-
2 factors to consider
- a youth not out of his teens is a poor judge
of somebody else character
-Marital adjustment between the older spouse
and the younger partner would be more difficult
compared to a couple whose mental and
chronological ages are not far apart.
PERSONALITY DIFFERENCE-
Each mans personality has 2 sides;
negative/positive. Both are expressed in the form
of temperament /behavior patterns. Hostility a
negative temperament opposed equanimity. A
hostile person tends to be more


LENGTH OF TIME
It should not lasts longer than a few months, from 3
months to one year depending on the time devoted
to courtship.
DISADVANTAGES OF LONG ENGAGEMENT
1. They are so engrossed with each other that they
forget that there are other people around them.
2. The temptation to do undue pre-marital activities
is increased.
ENGAGEMENT CONTRACT
The engagement maybe formally entered into
by a contract in writing signed by both parties,
with the parish priest or bishop or two other
witnesses.
The man often presents a diamond ring worn
on the third finger of the left hand. This
becomes a public evidence that he has asked
the question and she has answered.
DOS DURING THE ENGAGEMENT PERIOD
1. The couple should respect each others virtue and
avoid undue familiarities. This is a pledge to a chaste
and happy married life.
2. The couple should frequent the sacraments of
penance and Holy Eucharist.
3. they should reveal to each other frankly everything
pertaining to their financial status, social relations
and /
matters related to health.
THE BROKEN ENGAGEMENT
If either of the young couple feels that they are
mismatched, the time to act is before the
wedding. If so, the girl should not run down the
man from whom she has received attentions.
If this is true of a woman, it is doubly true of man.
The man should not persist on talking about his
former fiance. He should refrain from any
comment. Both can quietly resume their former
life.
Informal engagement- a mutual verbal
agreement is made to test their love for each
other, to be acquainted and to test their
compatibility.
Formal engagement (betrothal)- usually
executed in writing in the form of a quasi-
contract, signed by both partners and the
parish priest or two witnesses. Also witnessed
by families of both parties involved.
Purpose of engagement
1. It is a period of trial.
2. It is a preparation for marriage. Pre-Cana
conference is attended by the couple given by
the parish where they will married.
Length of engagement may range from three
months to a year.
Preparation for marriage
Church requirements
1. Catechesis
2. Reception of confirmation, penance and the
Holy Eucharist
3. Investigation of freedom to marry
Examinations of parties is allowed for the ff reasons:
- determining that parties are free of impediments
- Sufficient knowledge of Christian doctrine
- Determining that their consent is free

Publication of marriage banns
- to uncover impediments or other circumstances which
would impede a valid and
licit marriage.
- announced 3 consecutive Sundays
- announced in the parish where they are better known
inquiry to be carried out before marriage
Purpose of banns
Reasons: to determine if the parties are free of
impediments to ascertain if they have knowledge of
Christian doctrine determine that their consent is free

Purpose of banns
To uncover impediments that would impede a valid marriage.
May be in print or orally, to the faithful for 3 consecutive Sundays
or days of obligation.
Baptismal certificate
Issued within six months of the wedding
* Permission to marry in another parish
Only the proper priest can give the permission



STATE REQUIREMENTS ACC. TO THE NEW FAMILY CODE
a. Essential requirements
- Legal capacity- must be a male and a female
at least 18 years of age (18-21 parental consent is
required; 21-25 parental advice is required)
failure to get advice the marriage license with hold for 3
months.
- Consent freely given in the presence of the solemnizing
officer not obtained through fraud/force
intimidations or undue influence.
b. Formal requirements
1. authority of solemnizing officer- among those
authorized: incumbent members of judiciary
any priest, rabbi, imam of any sect if abroad, Filipino
citizens may be married by the Consul or vice consul
of the Philippines captain of a ship at sea/ pilot in a
plane military commander of a unit within his area
of his operation.
* Marriages between Filipinos abroad may be
solemnized by a consul-general, consul, vice-consul
of the Rep. of the Phils.
*In case the solemnizing officer is not legally authorized,
marriage still valid provided the couple believed in good
faith that said officer had legal authority.
2. A valid marriage license marriage may be solemnized
even without valid marriage license under ff
circumstances:
- either or both are at the point of death
- if the residence of either party is so located that there
no means of transportation such party to appear
to appear before the legal registrar before the local
civil registrar.


- marriage among Muslims
-marriage of a man and woman who have lived
together as husband and wife for at least 5 years
without any legal impediment
3. a marriage ceremony where the contracting
parties personally declare before a solemnizing
officer in the presence of at least 2 witnesses of
legal age that they take each other as husband
and wife.
PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE
1. Spiritual To be truly open to Christ the couple must
receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the
marriage. It is highly recommended to receive also the
Sacrament of Holy Eucharist during nuptial mass.
having Christ is having everything they would
need. The need to engage in the ff: activities like
getting into the habit of participating at Holy
Mass together esp. On Sundays and holydays;
when feasible, attending a holy retreat, pre-Cana
conference or pre-nuptial seminars for couples
preparing for marriage.
2. Psychological- Couple who are looking forward
to live together forever must mean to prepare
themselves mentally, emotionally and
spiritually for the everydayness of marriage for the
difficulties that are part and parcel of marriage, and
unexpected occurrences that may create anger,
resentment, tension and distress.
This requires knowing each other well and good
observation of each other in different situations, esp.
When confronted with difficulties/trials.
The need to be honest to be honest and open with each
other.
True love makes one embraces the good and not so happy
situations in marriage.

3. Economic The need to discuss the financial
aspects of marriage. It is advisable that from
the start couple should begin their married life
living on their own.
4. Physical A medical check-up is
recommended for a couple who intends to
settle down because of the demands married
life entails.