YOUR TTU/HSC EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROVIDER

PRESENTS

Finding Balance: Effective

Stress Management
Jason Northrup, M.M.F.T., LMFTA, LPCI
Therapist, Employee Assistance Provider
May 6, 2008

INTRODUCTION

Welcome! Did you get a handout?

Things you will learn about today:
The definition of stress

Sources of stress
Burnout
Concepts and techniques for managing general stress

effectively
How relationships with certain people can contribute to stress
Concepts and techniques for handling stressful relationships

CAVEAT

Attending this workshop will not magically

make stress disappear!
If you want to experience a decrease in your
stress level you must actually do something
different!
If you want a low-stress life then you must make
these tools part of your lifestyle!

LEARNING ABOUT STRESS

Stress
Our reaction to events (environmental or internal) that exceed

our adaptive resources

Experienced physiologically, cognitively, emotionally, spiritually

Different Types of Stressors

Physical
Psychological
Familial
Spiritual
Social
Occupational

LEARNING ABOUT STRESS

89% of Americans report that they often experience high

levels of stress
Can be experienced at practical levels or can be brought to
critical levels in two ways:
Cumulative Stress

Traumatic Stress

THE STRESS CONTINUUM

Stress
Traumatic
(short-term)

Cumulative
(long-term)

Fight or Flight

General Adaptation
Syndrome

Hormones

Resistance

Exhaustion

(coping)

(coping)

(burnout)

BURNOUT

Burnout
A state of mental and/or

physical exhaustion caused

by excessive and prolonged
stress (Girdino, Everly, &
Dusek, 1996)

BURNOUT

Three stages of stress leading to burnout

Stress Arousal
Energy Conservation
Exhaustion

STAGE 1: STRESS AROUSAL

Stress Arousal includes any two of the following

symptoms:
Persistent irritability

Forgetfulness

Persistent anxiety

Heart palpitations

Periods of high blood

Unusual heart rhythms

pressure
Bruxism (grinding your
teeth at night)
Insomnia

(skipped beats)
Inability to concentrate
Headaches

STAGE 2: ENERGY CONSERVATION

Energy Conservation includes any two of the

following:
Lateness for work

Turning work in late

Procrastination

Withdrawal

Needed three-day weekends

Cynical attitude

Decreased sexual desire

Resentfulness

Persistent tiredness in the

Increased caffeine or

mornings

alcohol consumption
Apathy

STAGE 3: EXHAUSTION

Exhaustion includes any two of the following:

Chronic sadness or

Chronic headaches

depression
Chronic stomach or bowel
problems
Chronic mental fatigue
Chronic physical fatigue

The desire to drop out of

society
The desire to move away
from friends, work, and
even family
Thoughts of committing
suicide

THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING BALANCE

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

Three major approaches

Action-oriented
Confront the problem which causes stress; Change the environment, your
situation, etc.

Emotionally-oriented
We do not have the ability to change the situation, but we can change our
interpretation of it (how we feel about it)

Acceptance-oriented
We do not have the ability to change the situation nor do we have emotional
control; survival-focus

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES

You can manage your

situation.
You can manage the
amount of stress.

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOURSELF

Take care of yourself physically: exercise regularly,

monitor your diet, get enough sleep

Take time to do things you enjoy and talk with
people in and out of work
Find a relaxing hobby
Improve communication and conflict resolution
skillsassertion, not passivity or aggression (more
on this later)
Enrich your life spiritually

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOURSELF

Get a pet

Get a massage
Ask for help
Sing or write about your problems (emotionally express

yourselfvent! Holding it in makes it worse!)

Listen to relaxing music
Leave the office at the office
Reconsider your lifestyle and objective in life. Outline
what will provide you the deepest satisfaction in life and
make that your priority

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING THE AMOUNT

OF STRESS

Set realistic goals for yourself

(see handout)
Be realistic about how much you
can accomplish in a day
Structure your time and your day
to plan for the unexpected
Practice good time management
Dont sweat the small stuff (dont
spend dollar time on penny
projects)
Manage your money realistically

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING THE AMOUNT

OF STRESS

Delegate. Avoid reverse delegation

Dont procrastinate (this also applies to taking time for

yourself!)
Choose your battles, differentiate between what you can
control and what you cant
Learn to say NO appropriately. Do know your limits and
dont limit your nos!

EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Dont stress about being stressed!

Change your self-talk (set of thoughts you have about events

that happen to you)

Avoid overreacting
Take breaks
Learn relaxation techniques: meditation, guided imagery,
muscle relaxation (more on these later)

EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Thought Awareness, Rational & Positive

Thinking
Our own negative thinking often contributes to our stress level
Be aware of these thoughts and challenge them as they arise!

It will only take a second

If it is hard to think objectively, imagine what you would say to a friend

After you have challenged the thought, give yourself an

affirmation (these work best when specific, framed in presenttense, and have strong emotional content)
Use intelligentlydont be a Pollyanna

EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR

THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Emotional Analysis
Negative emotions are an early warning sign that something is

wrong in the situation

Stop and relax! Figure out why the emotion is there (e.g. ask
yourself if you think that the situation is keeping you from a
goal, if you expect the situation to fail, etc.)
Challenge this assumption realistically
Take appropriate action

ACCEPTANCE-ORIENTED APPROACHES

Accept that you are powerless

Allow for proper time to grieve

Share your feelings with someone who cares about you
Express your feelings privately (e.g. a journal, a letter,

prayer, poetry, etc.)

Keep taking care of yourself in other ways to prevent a
buildup of stress

ACTIVITY

Draw a line down the center of the page. On one

side, write down your stressors. As many as you
can name. Weight them from 1-10.
On the other side list the resources you currently
use to help you deal with your stressors. As
many as you can name. Weight them from 1-10.
Total each column. Which is bigger? By how
much? What can you add/subtract to make them
closer?

MANAGING STRESS

Some techniques people use to manage their

stress ends up backfiring (e.g. alcohol and other
drugs, shopping, sleeping, eating, excessive TVwatching/internet-use, etc.)
These may provide short term relief but in the
end cause more stress.

BURNOUT IS PREVENTABLE

You have a choice! You can actively choose to

do things differently and take care of yourself or
you can choose to put it off until it catches up
with you.
You can ignore your needs, deplete your
resources, and the stress will eventually lead to
burnout. It is your choice!

DEPRESSION

Most everyone will have

times in their lives when
they feel down,
discouraged, or
depressed.
These are often triggered
by stress,
disappointment, or
problems in social or
family relationships.

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

Depressed mood most of the day almost every day (feeling

sad or empty or being tearful)

Not wanting to participate in pleasurable activities that you
once enjoyed, too tired
Major changes in sleep patterns or appetite
Feeling worthless or guilty, hopeless about the future
Suicidal thoughts, thoughts about death
Difficulty concentrating, trouble making decisions

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If you are experiencing several of these

symptoms and they have been occurring for
more than a few weeks it is a good idea to utilize
your EAP or seek out another trained
professional.

JUST DO IT

Dont assume that the problem will go away or

be too embarrassed to ask for help.
Dont wait until your relationship is so damaged
that both of you cant even decide if it is worth
working on.
When depression is diagnosed and treated
properly, you and your partner can get back to
leading a healthy normal life.

RELAXATION EXERCISES

Its time for you to sit back and relax. Its

stressful talking about all this stress!
Lets take a break and then practice some of the
things you can do for yourself to help you better
manage your stress.

RELAXATION EXERCISES

Imagery
Imagine a peaceful setting
Safe, peaceful, restful, beautiful, happy
Imaginary or a real location
Bring all your senses into the experience, one-by-one

Imagine stress flowing out of your body or locking away

stressors
Imagine performing a stressful, upcoming task well
Lowers anxiety
Mental practice for the real thing, so you often actually perform better!

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

Meditation
Often stigmatized by bad stereotypes (e.g. as a mystic

practice), but research has supported it for some time (read

The Relaxation Response by Benson, for example)
Get comfortable and consciously and progressively relax your
body and focus on one thing (e.g. your breathing, an object, a
sound, an image, etc.) for a sustained period
This occupies your mind, diverting it from negative thoughts or anxiety

Gives your body and mind a chance to recuperate

Do this for 10 to 20 minutes (set a timer so you dont have to think about time)

RELAXATION EXERCISES

How do you feel after only a few minutes of

practicing just two of relaxation techniques?

STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Some people who might have the power to affect

your stress level
Your boss

STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Your coworkers

Spouses

WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

1. Put problem people in proper perspective.

2. Take your pick - positive or negative.

3. Dont expect difficult people to change.

4. Give and request frequent feedback.

5. Be straightforward and unemotional.

6. Deal directly and discreetly.

7. Document for self-protection.

STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

3 tools for dealing with stressful relationships

Assertiveness
When you need to speak up

Stakeholder management
When you need structure

Active listening/Validating
When you need to slow down

ASSERTIVENESS DEFINED

Assertion occurs when a message expresses the

speakers needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly
and directly without judging or dictating to
others (Adler & Towne, 1996).

AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE, ASSERTIVE RESPONSES

Passive

Avoid saying what

you want.

Hope someone will

guess what you
want.

Assertive

Aggressive

Say what you

honestly want, think,
and feel in a direct
way.
Clear
communication

You say what you

want, think and feel
at the expense of
others.
Make an
exaggerated show of
strength, flippant.

Want to please, to be To be respected

liked

To dominate or
humiliate

ASSERTIVENESS

Promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us

to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves
without undue anxiety, to express feelings honestly and
comfortably, to exercise personal right without denying
the rights of others (Alberti & Emmons, 1995).
Assertiveness is NOT manipulation and it is not for
wimps. It is for everyone, including those who have
been taught to win at all costs and those who are
taught that it is wrong to be angry.

THE COMPLETE ASSERTIVE RESPONSE: 5 STEPS

1. Behavioral description: objective statement of the

facts without emotion (e.g. You said that my work
was substandard)
2. Interpretation: process of attaching meaning to
behavior. This is subjective (may be unique to you)
(e.g. Youre looking for a reason to fire me, so
youre being especially picky or You think Im
capable of doing better). This works better with a
more positive interpretation

THE COMPLETE ASSERTIVE RESPONSE: 5 STEPS

3. Feeling: connect the emotional component of the

meaning (e.g. I feel overwhelmed, discouraged,
frustrated, etc.)
4. Consequence: result of the behavior, interpretation
and/or feeling (e.g. I dont want to even try
anymore)
5. Intention: may indicate where you stand, requests
of others, or descriptions of how you plan to act in
the future (e.g. Id like to figure out another way for
us to communicate about my mistakes)

WHEN TO BE ASSERTIVE

It is a good idea to know when to behave

assertively and when it is okay to express your
anger. Behaving one way all the time is, at the
least, boring, and, at the most, really annoying.

WHEN AN ASSERTIVE RESPONSE IS APPROPRIATE

You understand both sides of the situation and it is still

important
You have a good chance of getting what you want
You are looking for a specific outcome and not just expressing
yourself
You have counted to 10 and have an appropriate response
The risks and/or consequences are realistic
Your actions will make a positive differenceyou would kick
yourself later if you didnt do something.

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

1. Identify your
stakeholders
2. Prioritize your
stakeholders

3. Understand your key

stakeholders

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Some possible stakeholders

Your boss
Your coworkers
Customers

Prospective customers
Your family/friends

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Prioritizing

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STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Key questions:
What financial or emotional interest do they have in the

outcome of your work? Is it positive or negative?

What motivates them most of all?
What information do they want from you?
How do they want to receive information from you? What is
the best way of communicating your message to them?
What is their current opinion of your work? Is it based on
good information?

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Who generally influences their opinions, and who

influences their opinion of you?

Do some of these influencers therefore become
important stakeholders in their own right?
If they are not likely to be positive, what will win
them around to support you?
If you don't think you will be able to win them
around, how will you manage their opposition?
Who else might be influenced by their opinions? Do
these people become stakeholders in their own right?

LISTENING

Some tips, hints,

and suggestions
on improving
something youve
been doing all
your life!

ACTIVE LISTENING

Active listening (i.e. reflective listening)

includes LEAPS.
L: Listen. Give full attention, suspend judgment, dont jump

to conclusions, listen for feelings, use prompters (e.g., head

nods, uh-huhs) to signify listening
E: Empathize. Show genuine caring and concern, put yourself
in their shoes and try to imagine what theyre experiencing
A: Ask. Seek clarification (who, what, when, where); beware
of why questions.

ACTIVE LISTENING

P: Paraphrase. Demonstrate understanding by feeding back

what youve heard; if uncertain, use tentative tone and

language; as much as possible, use their language; seek
confirmation (e.g., is that right?)
S: Summarize. In your own words, highlight major sections of
information; might begin with let me see if Ive got this
right; ask for confirmation.

THE ART OF VALIDATION

Creating Common Ground

Level 1: Total agreement. You have listened to the person and

you totally agree with them.

Level 2: Partial Agreement. You attempt to find something
that you can agree with in what they are saying.
Level 3: Though you dont agree with anything said, let the
person know that you recognize how important it is to them
and will give them the consideration they deserve.

MAKING HEALTHY IMPROVEMENTS

Respect confidences coworkers share

Honor personal boundaries

Keep work connections friendly & flexible (not

overconnected)
You are not expected to take care of everyone at work
Its not the responsibility of the workplace to take care of you
Avoid giving personal meaning to everything, be less reactive
Stop asking questions and try to make more statements
Do not overly apologize (only regarding your errors)
Dont try to change peoplelisten more and talk less

Questions and Answers

THE END

I hope you learned some useful information

and/or had a good time.
Please fill out the evaluations.

Remember, you have 5 free therapy sessions at

the EAP!