SESSION 1

Temperament and
emotional needs

GROUP AGREEMENT

What ground rules do we

want in this group to help it
run smoothly?

TIME OUT FOR PARENTS

THE TEENAGE YEARS AIMS TO:
Increase your confidence in your skills and
abilities to parent
Help the relationship between you and your child
be even better than it is now
Teach skills for helping your children to be more
secure emotionally and to raise their self-esteem
Identify the best way to effectively discipline
your child

TIME OUT FOR PARENTS

THE TEENAGE YEARS AIMS TO:
Discuss a variety of issues affecting children
and their parents
Encourage mutual support
Give you tools to help you in your relationship
with your childs other parent or carer
Provide you with greater support where you
would like it

SESSION PLAN

The goal of parenting

Temperament and its impact on behaviour
Meeting emotional needs
The five love languages

THE GOAL OF
PARENTING
To prepare our
children for
adulthood so they
can cope in the
outside world.

TEMPERAMENT
What is temperament?
The traits or characteristics you
were born with that influence how
you behave.

EVERY CHILD HAS A

UNIQUE TEMPERAMENT
Their temperament affects the way they act:
How well they adapt to new situations
How easily distracted they are
How sensitive they are

TEMPERAMENT
Temperament can be modified but not
completely changed.
Some temperaments are genuinely much
more difficult to cope with for both child and
parent, especially if there are additional
stresses or challenges.

EASY/FLEXIBLE

STRONG-WILLED
OR SPIRITED

SHY OR SLOW TO
WARM UP

BREAK

WHAT CHILDREN
REALLY NEED

To feel loved and to belong

To feel good about themselves
To feel theyre good at something
To have some boundaries

EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Acceptance
Attention
Appreciation
Encouragement
Affection

Respect
Support
Comfort
Approval
Security

LOVE LANGUAGES

Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Quality time
Acts of service
Gifts

REFLECTION

We have got to know each other a bit.

We have compiled a group agreement.
I have explained the aims of the course.
We have thought about the goal of parenting.
We have explored temperament.
We have looked at meeting childrens
emotional needs.
We have looked at the five love languages.

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

Pick one of your childs emotional needs
that you will actively try to meet for your
child this week. Identify specific ways you
can try to meet this need.
Do something nice for you (or you and
your partner).

NEXT WEEK

We will be looking
at why its tough
being a teenager.

SESSION 2
Why its
tough being
a teenager

SESSION PLAN

Why its tough being a teenager

Supporting our teenagers
Identity and independence
Staying connected
Boosting our teenagers self-esteem

WHY ITS TOUGH

BEING A TEENAGER
What are the
pressures they face?
How can we
help them?

SUPPORTING OUR
TEENAGERS
How can we help our teenagers with
physical changes, school issues and
emotional and social changes?

BREAK

IDENTITY
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
Which group do I fit into?
What am I good at?

WHERE DO YOUNG PEOPLE

SEEK THEIR IDENTITY?

Their role in the family

Status symbols
Celebrity and sports stars
Grown up behaviour
Cliques and gangs

INDEPENDENCE

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP

THEIR TEEN BECOME MORE
INDEPENDENT?
Controller to
consultant

WE NEED TO STAY
CONNECTED

EATING TOGETHER

GOOD SELF-ESTEEM
A teenager with good self-esteem
will be able to:
Take pride in what they do
Act independently
Assume responsibility for their actions
Tolerate frustration better

LOW SELF-ESTEEM
A teenager with low self-esteem is more
likely to:
Put down their talents and abilities
Avoid trying new things
Blame others for their shortcomings
Find it hard to tolerate frustration
Feel emotionally indifferent
Be influenced by others

REFLECTION
We have looked at some of the pressures teenagers
are under today.
We have discussed ways we can support our
teenagers with some of the issues they face.
We have looked at issues concerning teenagers
identity and independence.
We have discussed ways to stay connected with
our teenagers.
We have looked at ways of boosting our teenagers
self-esteem.

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

Spend individual time with one child
doing an activity.
The activity is negotiated.
Try to give your full attention.
Both review at the end.

NEXT WEEK
We will look at
parenting styles
and how the way
we are affects the
way our teenagers
behave.

SESSION 3
Parenting
styles

SESSION PLAN
Parenting styles
Consistency
Encouraging responsibility
House rules

PARENTING STYLES
Its important to understand our own style as
the way we are affects the way our
teenagers behave.
Our parenting style is usually caught from our
own parents or caregivers.
Looking at parenting styles can be quite
challenging. It may raise memories from the past
as well as shed light on the present.

AUTHORITARIAN

PERMISSIVE

AUTHORITATIVE/ASSERTIVE

CONSISTENCY
Do you say No then back down and say
Yes if your child persists by nagging or
shouting?
Does one parent say Yes and the other
say No?
Do you make threats to your children and
not carry them through?

BREAK

ENCOURAGING
RESPONSIBILITY

 We will phone home if were going

to be late.
Every family member needs to take
a share of the household chores.
We treat each other
with respect.

REFLECTION
We have looked at the different types of
parenting styles.
We have considered the importance of
consistency in parenting.
We have looked at ways of encouraging
responsibility in our teenagers.
We have looked at house rules as a
framework for what goes on in our homes.

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

A family meeting
At home this week with your family, I want you to
decide on some house rules. To do this you will
need to have a family meeting.
Each person suggests one house rule
Cant agree? Negotiate a compromise
Write up the house rules and display them where
the can be seen

NEXT WEEK
Next week well
be looking at
ways to improve
communication.

SESSION 4
Communication

SESSION PLAN
Introduction to communication
Listening to your teenager
Understanding body language
Reflecting back with empathy

THE PROBLEM

BLOCKS TO COMMUNICATION

Asking too many questions

Being bossy
Lecturing
Criticising and shaming
Jumping to conclusions
Threatening and shouting
Always knowing best

LISTENING TO YOUR
TEENAGER
Being listened to feeds directly into the
love languages of words and time and
also the gift of our presence.
If our childs love language is one of these
three, then not being listened to may have
an even greater impact.

BREAK

BODY LANGUAGE
People communicate their
feelings by the way they appear
(body language) as well as by
what they say.

BODY LANGUAGE

EMPATHY

WHAT WE CAN SAY

You dont seem yourself today.
Are you ok?
Im here if you want to talk.

REFLECTION
We have looked at communication as a
two-way thing.
We have discussed the importance of really
listening to our teenagers.
We have considered ways in which we can
improve our listening skills through:
understanding body language, showing
empathy, creating opportunities to listen and
learning to reflect back feelings.

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

1. Do something nice for you
It could be having a chat and a coffee with a partner
or friend, a bath by candlelight, a trip to the shops
or the cinemaanything!
2. How well do you know your kids?
Have a conversation with your child and practice
good listening skills.
Use the questionnaire How well do you know your
kids? to open up a conversation.

NEXT WEEK
Next week we will look
at communicating our
thoughts and wishes with
respect and the value of
negotiating, a skill that
prepares our teenager for
adult life.

SESSION 5
Handling
conflict

SESSION PLAN

Communicating respectfully
Conflict
Negotiation
Choose your battles
Consequences

COMMUNICATING
RESPECTFULLY
Sometimes our
teenagers
wishes and ours
do not coincide!

I MESSAGES
When you

I feel

Because

What Id like to happen next time.

WHY CONFLICT IS NORMAL

BULL IN A CHINA SHOP

ANYTHING
FOR A
QUIET LIFE

THE SILENT
SEETHER

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS
Try to understand childs point of view and
are willing to negotiate.
Voice their concerns.
Accept temporary unpopularity.
Aim for a win-win solution.
Choose their battles.

THE AIM OF NEGOTIATION

win

HOW TO NEGOTIATE
1. Stick to the main issue.
2. Try to understand their point of view.
3. Say what you feel and what you would like
to happen.
4. Ask how your teen feels and what they
would like to happen.
5. Discuss options and try to find a
win-win solution.

BREAK

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

What happens if
you try to fight
every battle?
Which battles do you
think it is important to
fight and why?

NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
Natural consequences happen
if we dont take action or
rescue our child.
It means standing
back and allowing
our child to learn from
their mistakes.

LOGICAL, SMART
CONSEQUENCES
SMART consequences need to be:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time-bound

REFLECTION
We have looked at positive ways of
communicating our feelings to our teenagers.
We have considered the reasons why
conflict occurs.
We have talked about different styles of
handling conflict.
We have looked at consequences and
sanctions we could put in place if needed.

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

Identify an area of conflict you have
with your teenager.
Using what you have learned this week,
plan a fresh approach.

NEXT WEEK
Next week well be
looking at three big
issues of sex and
relationships, alcohol
and other drugs, and
money and debt.

SESSION 6
The big issues

SESSION PLAN

Message in
Message out
Knowing the facts
Developing positive relationships
Saying no

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX

Think back to when you were 16. What

one thing about sex do you wish your
parents or carers had told you?

MESSAGE IN
When it comes to the three big issues who are
their best travelling companions?
The school?
Their friends?
The TV and internet?
Magazines?
Their parents?

MESSAGE OUT

What messages do you want to

communicate to your teenagers
about these issues?

GOOD COMMUNICATIONS

A teenager will give up on his parents

if he feels they are too busy in their
own world to help him shape his.
John Souter

BREAK

KNOWING THE FACTS

We dont need to be experts.
We do need to know where to look
for advice and information.
We need to be confident that
anything we say is correct.

DEVELOPING
POSITIVE
RELATIONSHIPS

SAYING NO
Teenagers need to understand how to deal
with the signals their body is giving them
when they feel emotionally or sexually
aroused.
How do they handle a beating heart, sweaty
palms, that feeling in the pit of the stomach?
Does it mean they have to say yes?

MAKING UP YOUR MIND

Is your emotional or physical state affecting
your ability to decide?
Are you sticking to your personal beliefs?
Have you had enough time to think about it?
If your first instinct is to say no, think hard
about being persuaded to change your mind
against your will.

REFLECTION
We have considered some of the difficult topics we
need to talk to teenagers about.
We have discussed where young people get their
messages.
We have looked at the messages we want to
communicate to our teenagers.
We have talked about the importance of our teenagers
knowing the facts.
We have discussed ways to help teenagers develop
positive relationships.

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

Open up a discussion with your

teenager on the big issue of money and
how they prioritise their spending.

NEXT WEEK
We will be looking at the
possible goals behind
our childrens behaviour
and thinking about the
way we build strong
family through family
traditions and the
memories they create.

SESSION 7
Building
strong
families

SESSION PLAN

Goals behind behaviour

Family values, traditions
and memories

HIDDEN GOALS BEHIND

BEHAVIOUR
Seeking attention
Power and
control
Revenge

Excitement
and thrill
Pity
Approval

BREAK

MY FAMILY VALUES

What values do you want to pass on to

your children?
What are your hopes for your family?

CREATING MEMORIES WITH

FAMILY TRADITIONS

What memories do you have of

family traditions?

REFLECTION
Weve thought about different temperaments and
how we can meet our childrens emotional needs
by using their love languages.
Weve recognised that its tough being a teenager
with all the physical, emotional and brain changes
that are happening.
Weve recognised that, as parents, we have a
vital role to play and that our teenagers really
need us to stay connected.

REFLECTION
Weve considered our own style of parenting and
recognised that being both warm and having clear
boundaries is the style to aim for.
Weve learnt that good listening, even at
inconvenient times, is important.
Weve looked at negotiation skills to help us when
conflict arises, recognising that there will be times
when we need to enforce our parental authority
and carry through sanctions we have agreed.

THANK YOU
FOR COMING

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