Hai manusia, sesungguhnya Kami menciptakan kamu dari seorang

laki-laki dan seorang perempuan dan menjadikan kamu berbangsa-

bangsa dan bersuku-suku supaya kamu saling mengenal.
Sesungguhnya orang yang paling mulia di antara kamu di sisi Allah
ialah orang yang paling bertakwa di antara kamu. Sesungguhnya
Allah Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengenal. (Qs. al-Hujurat: 13)

Have you noticed how often
Americans use the expression
"thank you"?
When you listen to
people speak a foreign
language that you under
stand, have you noticed
that the native speakers
of that language use
words and phrases in a
manner different from
what you are used to?
 Tacit Rules of
Speaking

unspoken "rules" exist in every language but differ significantly

from culture to culture
Acquiring a language demands
1. more than learning new words
2. system of grammar
3. developing sensivity to aspects of
language that are usually not
taught in language textbooks
4. permissible degrees of directness
5. forms of politeness
American English strongly emphasizes directness in verbal
interaction

"Don't beat around the bush,"

"Let's get down to business,"
"Get to the point"
"Out with it!" or "Speak up!" i
 Directness is also seen when
information is requested
from strangers or from
people who are not well
known to you.

For example, when passing

a professor's office a
student may say, "Excuse
me, I'd like to ask you a
couple of questions." Her
professor may respond,
"Sure, go right ahead.
What's the problem?" In this
interaction, the student
stated her purpose and the
professor responded
immediately.
 HOST. Would you like
some more dessert?
GUEST. No, thank you. It's
delicious, but I've really
had enough.
HOST. OK, why don't we
leave the table and sit in
the living room?
A male student was surprised at the
reaction of his female teacher when
he said, "What has happened to
you? You look like you gained a lot of
weight!" When the teacher replied,
"That's none of your business," he
answered in an embarrassed tone, "I
was just being honest."

(In addition, most Americans do not

like being told that they are fat!)
 Invitations

A frequently misunderstood area in American

verbal interaction is that of extending, accepting,
and refusing invitations.

The unwritten "rules" are confusing and create

misunderstandings even for native speakers.
Invitation I:
KATIE. It was nice talking to you.
I have to run to class.
DARLENE. OK, maybe we can
meet sometime soon.
KATIE. Yeah, love to. Why don't
you drop by my house
sometime?
DARLENE. Great. Gotta go. See
ya soon.
Invitation II:
KATIE. Before you leave for your
vacation can we get together and
have lunch?
DARLENE. Sure. I'd love to.
KATIE. How about Friday? Say
about 12:30 at my place?
DARLENE. That sounds good. See
you then.
Many rules governing speech patterns are learned in childhood
and people grow up thinking that everyone has the same rules for
speaking. People unconsciously expect others to use the same
modes of expression as they do. For instance, not all languages
use silence and interruptions in the same way.

All cultures do not have the same rules governing these areas of
communication.
Many Americans interpret silence in a conversation to mean
disapproval, disagreement, or unsuccessful communication. They
often try to fill silence by saying something even if they have
nothing to say! On the other hand, Americans don't appreciate a
person who dominates a conversation. Knowing when to take turns
in conversation in another language can sometimes cause
difficulty. Interrupting someone who is speaking is considered rude
in the United States.
Individuals in every culture have similar basic needs but express
them differently. In daily life we all initiate conversation, use
formal and informal speech, give praise, express disagreement,
seek information, and extend invitations. Some of the verbal
patterns we use are influenced by our culture. Whereas directness
in speech is common in the United States, indirectness is the rule in
parts of the Far East. Thus people from both of these parts of the
world would probably express criticism of others differently. In
parts of the Middle East a host is expected to offer food several
times but in the United States he may make an offer only once or
twice. The different modes of expression represent variations on
the same theme. Each language reflects and creates cultural
attitudes; each has a unique way of expressing human need.
Non Verbal Communication
In some types of
communication people
express more nonverbally
than verbally
One study done in the United States
showed that in the communication of
attitudes, 93 percent of the message
was transmitted by the tone of the
voice and by facial expressions,
whereas only 7 percent of the
speaker's attitude was transmitted by
words.
Nonverbal communication expresses
meaning or feeling without words.
Universal emotions, such as happiness,
fear, and sadness, are expressed in a
similar nonverbal way throughout the
world. There are, however, nonverbal
differences across cultures that may be
a source of confusion for foreigners. For
example, feelings of friendship exist
everywhere but their expression varies.
It may be acceptable in some countries
for men to embrace each other and for
women to hold hands; in other countries
these displays of affection may be
shocking.
What is acceptable in one culture
may be completely unacceptable
in another.
Gestures refer to specific body
movements that carry meaning.

"Come here," "Go away," and "It's

OK"
The gestures for these
phrases may differ among
languages. As children we
imitate and learn these
nonverbal movements and
often use them to accompany
or replace words. When
traveling to another country,
foreign visitors soon learn
that not all gestures are
universal.
Facial expressions carry meaning
determined by contexts and relationships.
For instance, the smile, which is typically
an expression of pleasure, has many
functions. A woman's smile at a policeman
who is about to give her a ticket does not
carry the same meaning as the smile she
gives to a young child. A smile may show
affection, convey polite-ness, or disguise
true feelings. Pain is conveyed by a
grimace, which also signifies disgust or
disapproval Surprise, shock, or disbelief
can be shown by raising the eyebrows. A
wink given to a friend may mean "You
and I have a secret" or "I'm just kidding."
Between a man and a woman, a wink can
be flirtatious. Our faces easily reveal
emotions and attitudes.
The degree of facial expressiveness also
varies among individuals and cultures.

Given individual differences, it is

difficult to make generalizations about a
cultural style of communication.
Americans express themselves facially in
varying degrees. People from certain
ethnic backgrounds in the United States
may use their hands, bodies, and faces
more than other Americans.
Eye contact is important because
insufficient or excessive eye contact
may create communication barriers.

It is important in relationships
because it serves to show
Intimacy
Attention
influence.
It is, however, common for two
strangers to walk toward each
other, make eye contact, smile
and perhaps even say "Hi." The
strangers may immediately look
away and forget that they even
had any contact. This type of
glance does not mean much; it is
simply a way of acknowledging
another person's presence.
In a conversation too little eye contact
may be seen negatively because it
conveys lack of interest, inattention, or
even mistrust. The relationship between
mistrust and lack of eye contact is
stated directly in the expression,

"Never trust a person who can't look you in the eyes."

"body bubbles."
These bubbles are like invisible walls
which define our personal space. The
amount of space changes depending
on the interpersonal relationship. For
example, we are usually more
comfortable standing closer to family
members than to strangers. Personality
also determines the size of this space.
Introverts often prefer to interact with
others at a greater distance than
extroverts.
Conclusion

Culture does not always determine the

messages that our body movements
convey. Contexts, personalities, and
relationships also influence them.
Therefore, no two people in any one
society have the same nonverbal behavior.
However, like verbal language, nonverbal
communication cannot be completely
separated from culture. Whether we
emphasize differences or similarities, the
"silent language" is much louder than it
first appears.