True or False?

 The breadth of information you self disclose

is related to the person with whom you are
talking.

 The depth of information you self disclose is

related to the reason you are disclosing and
the level of intimacy in the relationship.
Relationships
 STAGES  Are always changing
 Initiating  Movement is always to
 Experimenting a new place
 Intensifying
 Integrating
 Bonding
 Differentiating
 Circumscribing
 Stagnating
 Avoiding
 Terminating
 REVIEW

 How do listening skills relate to healthy

relationships?
 What can happen when there are
differences in communication styles and
listening styles in relationships?
Four Personal Listening Styles
 CONTENT ORIENTED: Focus on issues and
arguments
 PEOPLE ORIENTED: Focus on feelings and
emotions
 ACTION ORIENTED: Impatient and often
finish speakers’ thoughts – tend to second
guess
 TIME ORIENTED: Prefer bulleted talking
points quickly and briefly.
FAULTY LISTENING
 Yes you can go to the  I heard you.
concert, but I want you
 I heard you say that you
to call me when you get
want me home by 11:00
there, and I want you to
p.m.
take out the trash
 I heard what you said.
before you go, and you
need to be home before  Here we go again with
11:00 p.m. the trash!
 I don’t think you  Uh huh.
understand what I’m
 I heard exactly what
saying.
you said.
LISTENING
 What do good listeners look like?
 Verbally
 Nonverbally
 Listening is not a natural process.
 Listening requires effort (active not passive)
 All listeners do not receive the same
message.
 We hear uniquely different messages
 Physiological factors, social roles, cultural
background, personal interests, and needs.
Listening Stages
 Attending –Mindfulness.
 Understanding/Interpreting
 Responding
 Remembering
 INTIMACY
IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Male and female intimacy styles

Cultural influences on intimacy
Intimacy
 Physical intimacy
 Intellectual exchanges
 Emotional disclosure
 Shared activities
Characteristics of Self-Disclosure
 Influenced by Culture
 Usually occurs in dyads
 Usually symmetrical
 Occurs incrementally
 FEW transactions involve high levels of self-
disclosure
Reasons for Self-Disclosure
 Catharsis
 Self-Clarification
 Self-Validation
 Reciprocity
 Impression management
 Relationship maintenance and enhancement
 Control
Alternatives to Self-Disclosure
 Lies
 White Lies
 Equivocation
 Hinting
 Face Saving
Perspectives & Tensions

Connection Autonomy
Predictability Novelty
Openness Privacy
Guidelines for Appropriate Self-
Disclosure
 Is the other person important to you?
 Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
 Are the amount and type of disclosure
appropriate?
 Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at
hand?
 Is the disclosure reciprocated?
 Will the effect be constructive?
 Is the the self-disclosure clear and
understandable?
 CHARACTERISTICS OF
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Metacommunication
 Messages (usually relational) that refer to
other messages: communication about
communication.
 SELF-DISCLOSURE IN
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
A Helical
Model of
Relational
Cycles
(figure 6-3)
CLASS ACTIVITIES:

Self-Disclosure
Johari Window