Notes on Writing a

Critique
From the UNB Writing Centre
 Topics
1. Thesis statements (key judgements and
their basis in a single sentence)
2. Presenting and citing evidence (and the
dangers of plagiarism)
3. Validity markers (hedges, emphatics, and
attributors)
4. Conciseness
5. Revision and final editing
Drafting Thesis Statements
O “A short statement conveying an explicit
judgment concerning a limited topic and
based on suitable evidence”
O It is what the paper discovers or
demonstrates
 Purpose: Writer’s POV
O A check on the research/writing process
O The touchstone against which all else will be
judged
 Purpose: Reader’s POV
O Informs the reader of the key findings
O Not a simple statement of accepted fact
O Not an “opinion”
O A judgment based on evidence
O Single-sentence “executive summary”
O Similar to requirements on some grant
applications
2. Effective Thesis statements
Ineffective Better

O Pets are a source of joy and In the majority of pet-

love. (boring) owning households in
O In clinical terms, the the UK, pets either
pet/owner relationship can replace or supplement
be viewed from many human children in the
angles. (ambiguous) social order of the home.
O This essay will be about
pets. (too obvious)
O In my opinion, I think pets
are a source of joy. (about
the writer)
 Thesis Statements
Aim: Thesis:
This paper explored the Contagion unrealistically
misconceptions about compresses the time
the role of natural required for an animal
selection in the pathogen to become a
development of effective highly transmissible
human pathogens human-adapted virus,
evident in the 2011 film reducing a process that
Contagion. typically takes years to a
mere 48 hours.
 Try a short quiz. . . .
O Judge whether each example is a thesis statement
O Note what makes it a thesis statement (if it is one)
O Indicate what is missing (if it is not)
 Thesis Statements
1. In the 2007 film I Am Legend, most of the world’s
population is killed by an engineered retrovirus
that mutates to become an airborne disease.
This is a statement of fact (if it’s true), not an
inference from evidence
A thesis may be supported by obvious statements of
fact, but it usually involves evaluation of some kind
 Thesis Statements
2. I believe the progress of the zoonose in Contagion
to be too rapid to be credible.

This is certainly a definite judgement, but it is

presented as an opinion (“I believe”)
The thesis is presumably “the zoonose in Contagion
develops too rapidly to be believable”
Even better: explain why
 Thesis Statements
3. Because the Motaba virus depicted in Outbreak
(1997) produces symptoms in a matter of hours, has an
extreme case-fatality rate (100%), and shifts modes of
transmission (from fluid-borne to airborne) within days,
it is a highly improbable invention.

•This is certainly a definite judgement, and the basis

for it is specified
•Any comment on “because”?
Finding Thesis Statements
O Often indirectly expressed
O Special concerns discourage direct statements
O Research method determines extent/strength of
statement
O Partly a result of format, partly a way of
maintaining objectivity
O Typically, you must infer the thesis by examining
several parts of the paper
 Qualifying Your Thesis
O be open about limitations, inconsistencies
O never draw unjustified conclusions
O use appropriate validity markers
2. Citing/Quoting
 Document Sources
Rigorously
• Close work with sources is crucial—record
every source as you use it (hard to find
later!)
• Two basic techniques:
1. Quotations (block/embedded)
2. Paraphrase with citation
In scientific and technical fields, #2 is the
overwhelming choice.
 Block Quotations
123 words—
Dr. Mears explains the factors in determining the rate of infection
of an epidemic:
my goodness!
What we need to determine is this; for every person who gets
sick, how many other people are they likely to infect? So, for
seasonal flu that's usually about one. Smallpox on the other
hand, it's over three. Now, before we had a vaccine, polio
spread at a rate between four and six. Now, we call that
number the R-not. R stands for the reproductive rate of the
virus. . . . How fast it multiplies depends on a variety of
factors; the incubation period, how long a person is
contagious. Sometimes people can be contagious without
even having symptoms, you need to know that too. And we
need to know how big the population of people susceptible to
the virus might be. (Soderbergh 2011)
 Bulk Quotation
O Not only is this overkill, but it fails to
emphasize the key details
O Natural/Scripted dialogue is rarely an
efficient means of conveying information
O Need we read the whole passage for this?
 Embedded Quotation/Paraphrase

As Dr. Mears explains, key factors in the

spread of infection include the reproduction
rate of the virus, its incubation period, the
duration of asymptomatic infection, and
susceptibility of the population (Soderbergh
2011).
31 words—
more efficient
& emphatic
 CSE Name-Year System
O Sources are identified in the body of the
paper by parenthetical references
O At the end of the paper, a reference list,
arranged alphabetically, provides full
publication details
 Reference List Entry
Soderbergh, S (dir.). Contagion. US: Warner
Bros., 2011. 106 min.
 Embedded Quotation
Dr. Mears also mentions the importance of
determining how large “the population of
people susceptible to the virus might be”
(Soderbergh 2011).

Use quotation marks even for short

phrases . . . otherwise. . . .
 Plagiarism
O Probably widespread
O CBC ‘s “Ideas” program suggested that nearly all
students plagiarize (2009)
O Unnecessary: Simply QUOTE
 Bradley vs. Wegman
O 2006: Edward Wegman (George Mason
University) wrote a highly technical report critical
of the use of statistics in current climate science
(attacking Thomas Bradley among others)
O 2010: Thomas Bradley (University of
Massachusetts) alleged that Wegman
reproduced sections of a textbook he wrote
without quoting—and he was right!
O However, as Steven McIntyre pointed out,
Bradley’s textbook contains plagiarism. . . .
 Bradley & Fritts
Once the regression coefficients have been calculated, the eigenvectors
incorporated in the regression equation are mathematically transformed
into a new set of n coefficients corresponding to the original
(intercorrelated) set of n variables. These new coefficients are termed
weights or elements of the response function and are analogous to the
stepwise regression coefficients discussed earlier. . . . (Bradley, 1985, p.
346)

Once the regression coefficients for the selected set of orthogonal variables
have been calculated, they may be mathematically transformed into a new
set of coefficients which correspond to the original correlated set of
variables. These new coefficients (sometimes referred to as weights or
elements of the response function) are analogous to the stepwise regression
coefficients described in the previous section. . . . (Fritts, 1976, p. 353)
Quibbles:
Bradley & Fritts
Once the regression coefficients have been calculated, the eigenvectors
“are termed” vs. “referred to”
incorporated in the regression equation are mathematically transformed
“discussed earlier”
into a new set vs. “described
of n coefficients in tothe
corresponding theprevious
original section”
(intercorrelated)
SAME set of n EXACTLY
order of ideas variables. These new coefficients are termed
weights or elements of the response function and are analogous to the
stepwise regression coefficients discussed earlier. . . . (Bradley, 1985, p.
346) 42/55 words (76%
PLAGIARISED!

Once the regression coefficients for the selected set of orthogonal variables
have been calculated, they may be mathematically transformed into a new
set of coefficients which correspond to the original correlated set of
variables. These new coefficients (sometimes referred to as weights or
elements of the response function) are analogous to the stepwise regression
coefficients described in the previous section. . . . (Fritts, 1976, p. 353)
 Do Cheaters Prosper?
O Moral of the story: document your sources
RIGOROUSLY, or the debate will be about
plagiarism and nothing more
O Plagiarism Roll of (Dis)Honour:

Stephen E. Ambrose, Civil War historian

Doris Kearns Goodwin, biographer of the Kennedy clan
David Rotor & Douglas Tipple, Public Works Dept. consultants
30 Carleton University engineering students (2002)
 3. Validity Markers
O easy part: the key findings
O remember to use appropriate qualifications
in your conclusions (and thesis statement)
O validity markers indicate the
strength/source of conclusions
 Validity Markers
a. hedges: perhaps, may, might, often,
usually, apparently, seemingly
b. emphatics (boosters): clearly, undoubtedly,
it is obvious that, of course
c. attributors: “according to Wilson (1999)”
Contagion unrealistically compresses the
time required for an animal pathogen to
become a highly transmissible human-
adapted virus, reducing a process that
typically takes years to a mere 48 hours.
 Contagion unrealistically compresses the
time required for an animal pathogen to
become a highly transmissible human-
adapted virus, reducing a process that
typically takes years to a mere 48 hours.

Would “impossible” be too strong?

Was the transmissibility be “extremely”?
Are there sufficiently few exceptions to justify “typically”?
How does “mere” affect the tone?
4. Conciseness
 Diction
O Writing Apprenticeship: expansiveness and
dilation have been emphasized over
precision and economy
Now it is time to choose
O The right words and
O Words your audience knows.
 Complex Diction
O What do people REALLY think of overly
complex diction?
Consequences of Erudite
Vernacular
O D. Oppenheimer,Utilized
Stanford U (2003):
O people who use unnecessarily complicated
Irrespective of Necessity:
language are viewed as less intelligent than
people who use more familiar language
Problems With Using
Long Words Needlessly
 Ready-Made Phrases
O Like Frankenstein's monster, "ready-made"
writing is stitched together out of dead
parts.
O Avoid phrases that “sound appropriate”
O Use only words you need—and your
audience understands
 Novelty & Vocabulary
O “make it new” is not the always best advice
for selecting words
O Accuracy and familiarity (of individual words,
not phrases) are crucial
O The evil comes from overly familiar phrases
and unnecessarily obscure words
 Basic Inflation

• Based on the fact that Because

• Due to the fact that Because
• Exhibit a tendency to Tend to
• For the purpose of For
• For the reason that Because
• In spite of the fact Although
that
Other Types of Repetition
Redundant Adjectives/Adverbs
O future plans
O consensus of opinion
O especially unique
O potential hazard
O final outcome
 Nominalizations
allocation allocate
assessment assess
compliance comply
determination determine
expectations expect
exposure expose
[had] hopes [of] hoped
 Positive Advice
O Find the VERB in the nominalization, and
build the sentence around it
O Strong verbs make clear sentences (and
usually shorter ones, too!)
Where Does It Come From?
O Most of these choices are the result of
“length anxiety”
O From early grades, length is the measure of
achievement
O Students learn to pad—to be honest, we
teach them—and the habit becomes
engrained
O Editors then try to take it all out again
 5. Revision & Editing
O Do the little errors matter?
Minor Grammatical Errors

O Grammatical howlers, frequently merely

conventional or formal errors
O Many do not impair the effectiveness of the
communication
O How important are they?
Although the newly-developed
vaccine was suppose to protect the
bulk of the population, it failed
because of the rapid mutation of the
virus.
 Grammatical Bugbears
O Cannot be ignored (“use to,” “should of,” “in
regards to”)
O Will always overshadow genuine
achievement to some degree
O Technology cannot yet save us--
MS Word May Not Help!
 Editing & Memory
• Let’s test yours
Memorabilia
You Are Your Own Worst
Editor
O We see what we expect to see;
O We interpret as we read;
O At the same time, we know
communication is robust—and so we
are sometimes careless
 How Robust?
There was nothing wrong with
her way of handling the car;
its engine was defective

They're as nothing wring wither

way of handing the care; its
engine was deflective.
Word: No Help Here
 General Principles
O Keep track of your purpose and test each
paragraph and sentence against it
O Keep your audience in mind and write for
them, not at them
O Critique your own writing in relation to that
purpose and audience
O Have someone else read your writing
 Five Revision Rules
1. Stick to the point
O delete any irrelevant information, however
interesting
O you may be able to place it in the appendix
O removing extra information makes what
remains clearer
 2. Say what you mean
O reading out loud helps
O having another person read it helps more
O never repeat a phrase you have read
elsewhere unless you understand it
thoroughly (the other writer may be wrong)
3. Keep forward momentum
O repeat key words as necessary so that a
clear argument develops
O use appropriate connectives to ensure clear
progress (example)
 Identify the connectives
In saturated air (100% relative humidity), the worms
lost about 20% of their initial body weight during the
first 20 hours but were then able to prevent further
dehydration. In contrast, worms maintained in air of
70-80% relative humidity experienced a much faster
rate of dehydration, losing 63% of their total body
water content in 24 hours. As a consequence of this
rapid dehydration, most worms died within the 24-
hour period.
In saturated air (100% relative humidity), the worms
lost about 20% of their initial body weight during the
first 20 hours but were then able to prevent further
dehydration. In contrast, worms maintained in air of
70-80% relative humidity experienced a much faster
rate of dehydration, losing 63% of their total body
water content in 24 hours. As a consequence of this
rapid dehydration, most worms died within the 24-
hour period.
4. Indicate interpretations
O Signal all interpretations clearly

The difference in infection rates is evident

in Table 1.

What IS the difference?

4. Indicate interpretations
O Signal all interpretations clearly

Clearly, the motaba virus is far more

infectious than ebola, on which it was
based (Table 1).
 5. Avoid overlap &
repetition
O Be concise. . . .

Although the film repeatedly emphasized

their expertise, the CDC team seemed
unaware of actual treatments for EHF.
One such treatment the team overlooked
was based on blood transfusions from
convalescent patients.
 5. Avoid overlap &
repetition
O Be concise. . . .

In spite of their supposed expertise, the

CDC team seemed unaware of such
treatments for EHF as blood transfusions
from convalescent patients.
6. Bonus Rule: Make Back-
ups!
O Most common error: saving OVER existing
document
O Difficult to reverse
O Practice saving with a new name so this
never happens
 Slideshow (and More)
go.unb.ca/wss

“Writing Answers”

Title: “Notes on Writing a Critique”