Personal Effectiveness

Measures
• Self Disclosure
• A measure of an individual sharing information about self
• Has two components: depth and breadth
• Essential for intimate relationship
• Expectation of reciprocity, else feeling of betrayal in relationship
• Small talk->factual data exchange->emotional content-> reciprocal content-> intimacy
• Gender, self monitoring, individual factors, mood of the individual are some of the factors that affect SD
• Openness to feedback
• Receiving and seeking feedback
• Filtering feedback, Identifying actionable or redundant feedback
• Learning to deal with emotions when receiving feedback, being in touch with derailers
• Defensiveness in self
• Being aware of vulnerability in self and learning to survive with it.
• Perceptiveness
• Capability to understand the unspoken words, intuition,
Combinations
Self Disclosure Openness to Perceptiveness Style Remarks
feedback
High High High Effective
High High Low Insensitive
High Low Low Egocentric
High Low High Dogmatic
Low High High Secretive
Low High Low Task- Obsessive
Low Low High Lonely empathetic
Low Low Low Ineffective
Vignette 1
• It was on those days when I was doing active consulting with a gentleman who had come
up the hard way. Just a graduate from Mayo college Ajmer, he had learnt the HR
concepts and its implications with years of experience and had built expertise. Every day
after the client visit was over, he would call me for dinner, and seek permission to drink.
He would courteously offer me also a Bacardi Breezer, ethical to the core, the alcohol
bills were footed by him and not the client. And then, ……. From 8.30 till 12 he would
brag about how he had built 2 big business empire and how his organization valued him.
That he was a responsible guy with huge sense of responsibility to his family. How rich he
was and why he felt that drinking and letting the steam off was a good habit.
• Coming from a traditional family, I found much of these sharing's insensitive, un
warranted and a complete waste of my time. But since he was the guy who was doing
the business building and I needed him more than he needed me, I would tolerate these
sharings and try to be there.. Physically present and mentally absent.
• On many of these conversations, in the entire 4 hours, I wouldn’t even have said a
word!!!.. Even my silence rarely deterred him from talking about himself.
• What was his personal effectiveness style
Vignette 2
• It was those days when I had donned the hat of a perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect
daughter and a perfect woman, only to realise that I was being too ambitious and not
doing justice to myself. I bent backwards to be sensitive to everyone else’s needs and
ignored my own needs. The best was for the family, it was ok to sacrifice sleep, rest,
hobbies and personal space. At the surface, I was pleasing so many people, but many a
nights a stayed alone, watching the moon and asking myself, where am I in all this. Who
am I, and if these people love me as much as I love them, why is it that no one seems to
be thinking of what I need like I am thinking of them. The reciprocal treatment seems to
be missing. Metaphorically, even by the physical experience, I was always told that you
roam around as if the whole worlds burden is on your shoulder. Why don’t you assert.
Why done you tell people around you how this work and apathy from their end is
impacting you. Often I read Shivani’s novels and reiterated “machine ka pahiya ghum
raha hai”.. It was a story of an Indian women who stitched clothes to save the family out
of a crisis, but once crisis was over, everyone moved their ways, leaving the woman
alone.. And the only thing that continued was her machine and stitching.

• What is the personal effectiveness style of the protagonist.

Vignette 3
• It was my first date. I was obviously excited about it. For ages, as a family
we have had no barriers between me and my parents. I tell them
everything… everything actually.
• I was dropped home by my boyfriend and my uncle and aunt were also
there. It was once of the special days and my uncle offered me a wine as
well. I seldom drink. For whatever reasons, I drank the wine and probably
because it was on an empty stomach, it hit me. Call it recency effect, or
overwhelmed with emotions, I started narrating the details of my
relationship on the dinner table, embarrassing everyone on the table-
Caroline glitch? May be.. Next morning when I was sobre, I regretted the
evening, but the harm was done

• What is the personal effectiveness style

Vignette 4
• When I joined this organization, I tried being friendly with people, but was
laughed at. I couldn’t make out what they wanted me to talk about.
Coming from a small town there was very little exposure or people skills
that I had acquired. Very soon I became a recluse, neither sharing myself
with anyone, nor asking anything from anybody. When rama tried to reach
out to say how my lack of being able to judge the group norm was
inhibiting my acceptance in the group, I became defensive and shouted at
her instead. Telling her to not be critical of me and try to understand me. I
told her to not give me a moral lecture when she herself was also part of
the group that was being rigid in accepting me. Eventually, even Rama
withdrew from me.
• What PE style was I following
Vignette 5
• When I took over as a CEO of this firm, the firm was in losses and the market was aggressively
changing. I sensed the need for change and transformation and created an action group for
identifying the change agenda and context for change.
• The action group took feedback from multiple stakeholders and presented the change agenda.
This was then announced to the larger employee group. During the presentation of the group,
many members of the larger group were not agreeable with the analysis and findings of the
action group and resisted the change agenda. I became defensive and responded that in that case
you should have volunteered to be a part of the action group. On another occasion, I told the
group that if the group believed that 3 week’s of the action group’s work was useless and they
were the only person with knowledge on what needs to be done, then I thought that they had a
huge self esteem issue and ego barrier. Much though I wanted the team to own up change and
move, I was being insensitive to feedbacks, getting defensive and insensitive to the needs of the
employees.
• Over a period of time, people stopped responding to the reports being presented or sharing their
perspectives. I had a team that was all yes man ship team, however, none of the team members
now gave their 100%.
• What mistake did I make?
Interpersonal trust variables
• Communication
• Openness
• Professional support
• Managerial competence