Dealing with Difficult People:

Common Problems and

Uncommon Solutions

DDM Seminar Series

Sandra Crowe, MA, PCC
301.770.7104
www.pivpoint.com sc@pivpoint.com
Objectives

 Uncover awareness for

your difficult triggers
 Understand why people
are difficult
 Create practical
solutions for dealing
with difficult people and
situations
 Support one another
with present challenges

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Creating Awareness

 Awareness of yourself and others is 95% of

the cure:

 Ask yourself:Who/what triggers you? How do

I act and how do I feel around the difficult
person? Do you become difficult?

 Ask again: How would I like to act and feel

around this person? Visualize and imprint
this.
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Definition of Difficult

Someone who impedes action

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Origins of Difficultness

 Studies at the University of

Tennessee found that anger
derives from two origins:
 Inability to take action
(powerlessness and frustration)
 Presence of an “ism”(unfairness or
betrayal by the system)

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Anger

A Women’s Anger Research Project

discovered two ways we deal:
 Suppression (directed internally and
dangerous)

• Expression (usually inappropriate)

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Three aspects of communication

Present In all Conversations:

*B________
*L_____
*E____

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So the question becomes —

“How do we deal with

the anger and
frustration ignited by
our interactions with
difficult people in a
healthier and more
productive way?”

©2009 Pivotal Point Training & Consulting

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Principle No. 1: For Every Action…

 Conflicts(and the difficult people in them) are

places where the conversation(and therefore
future action) gets stuck. A major reason for
this is in based on Newtonian theory. For
every action…

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Principle No. 2: Stronger emotions
dominate

 How to get yours stronger:

 Think differently
 Move differently
 Remember center
 Shake it off
 Go find someone you like

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Principle No. 3: What gets rewarded gets
repeated
 Reward the behavior you want to see
repeated (Inflict pain where you don’t):
 Rewards are: smiling, acknowledging,
compliance, condoning behavior
 Infliction of Pain is: ignoring, embarrassment,
public admonishment, taking away privileges, and
being told no

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Principle No. 4: Move the conversation
forward
 Be solution-oriented
 Ask “What can we do about this?”
 “What needs to happen next?”
 “How do we move the conversation forward?”

©2009 Pivotal Point Training & Consulting

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Language of an Interaction

 Use words that imply assessments or opinions unless you have

data:
 Based on my observation…

 What I’ve noticed is...

 My perception is….

 Then use questions to use to move the conversation

forward:
 “What’s your assessment?”
 ”What’s the rationale behind…
 “What do you need to move this forward?”

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6 Step Whole Brain Approach:

1. Neutralize
2. Watch body language
3. Listen and acknowledge
4. Move them from right to left
5. Propose solutions
6. Act
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Wrap Up: Learning and Take Away

 Assignment: Tonight when you go to bed

spend the last few awake moments feeling
how you want to feel in a particular
interaction with someone. Focus on that
feeling and let your unconscious work with it
to shift any habitual patterns in your
physiology as you sleep. Remind yourself of
this desired feeling just before your next
interaction with them.
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