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WHAT IS PERSONAL

RELATIONSHIP?

PREPARED BY: MARY JOY ADELFA P. DAILO, LPT


WHAT IS PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP?
Even before language was invented, pre-historic
humans were already interacting through many other
forms of behavior.

They may have learned how to smile or greet


each other; show love, affection, and even loyalty to
the group; and hunt together for food.

This interaction was necessary for survival of


the group where an individual belonged.

Survival was the primary reason why human


beings have the fundamental need to belong.
WHAT IS PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP?
In today’s world, this need to belong still exists, perhaps
because it has been imprinted in our genetic memory that was
passed on to us by our ancestors.

Belonging to a group generates many benefits like having


a support system when you need some shoulder to cry on or draw
some strength from.

The relationships that are nurtured in a group help each


one of us survive.
HOW DO YOU EXPRESS YOUR
ATTRACTION TOWARD ANOTHER
PERSON?
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH
FRIENDS IS A SOURCE OF LIFETIME
HAPPINESS.
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH
FRIENDS IS A SOURCE OF LIFETIME
HAPPINESS

Researchers have found that relationships are


important to one’s happiness.

The absence of close relationships can produce


a deep negative effect on an individual who is denied
of it, such as feeling worthless, powerless, and
alienated.
BUT HOW DO WE DEFINE
RELATIONSHIP?
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
defines relationship as:

“The way in which two ormore people, groups,


countries, etc., talk to and deal with each other.”

The definition is extended to include “the way in


which two or more people or things are connected.”
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
DEPENDING ON THE
NATURE OF INTERACTION
THAT EXIST BETWEEN TWO
OR MORE ENTITIES

 Business transactional
relationship
 Professional relationship
 Family relationship
 Friendly relationship
We can also say that every
relationship has specific objectives
or purpose that a person wishes to
pursue, either because of need,
want, or desire.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS DEVELOPED?

The very firstmeaningful relationship


every human being encounters is with
one’s mother. Even before birth, the
mother- child relationship is already
established.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?

The intimacy that is nurtured during the


nine months of pregnancy will be
enhanced and developed further after
the birth of the child.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?

A careless and non-caring pregnant


mother can affect the child in the
womb, which may leave psychological and
emotional scars even before the child is
born.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?

Research has confirmed that emotional


experiences of expectant mothers,
particularly strong emotions such as
anger or anxiety, which produce
chemicals in the body such as
adrenaline, affect the child in the
womb.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?

At the moment of birth when the


child is laid beside the mother to be
fed and cuddled, bonding occurs and
the infant develops an attachment to
the mother, and later on with the
father.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?

At the moment of birth when the


child is laid beside the mother to be fed
and cuddled, bonding occurs and the
infant develops an attachment to the
mother, and later on with the father.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?
A mother who gazes at her child’s
face and the child responding with a
smile are the foundations of our sense of
physiological and psychological well-
being.
THREE DIFFERENT ATTACHMENT
STYLES

1. SECURE ATTACHMENT

2. AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

3. ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT
ATTACHMENT
THREE DIFFERENT ATTACHMENT STYLES

1. SECURE ATTACHMENT
 Is when the primary caregiver is the most of the
time present and when all the emotional needs of an
infant are providing a sense of security to the
infant.
 Chances for a child who is exposed to this style of
attachment, grow up to have more secure and stable
relationships.
THREE DIFFERENT ATTACHMENT
STYLES
2. AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT
 Is when the primary caregiver is cold and detached,
and even unresponsive to a child’s need.

 A person who experienced this style of attachment in


infancy and childhood will oftentimes experience
unstable relationships in the future.
THREE DIFFERENT ATTACHMENT
STYLES

3. ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT
 Is when the primary caregiver is not consistent in terms
of presence and in the meeting a child’s emotional needs.
 A person who experienced this style of attachment in
childhood may develop separation anxieties with a loved
one, or may have mixed feelings between hesitancy and
commitment when entering into meaningful
relationships.
WHAT DRIVES ATTRACTION?
WHAT DRIVES ATTRACTION?

When attraction between two persons is


discussed, it is often understood as based on
physical appearance.
While this might be true to a certain extent,
there is more to attraction that what we already know.
WHAT DRIVES ATTRACTION?

In the British Broadcasting Company (BBC)


website under Science:

Human Body and Mind, attraction is the first stage,


and during changes of personality development it lead
to closeness and commitment.
WHAT DRIVES ATTRACTION?

According to the website which referred to the


biological model of love as proposed by anthropologist
Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey:

Attraction is primarily based on physiology or certain


hormones that persons who get attracted to others
often pick up with their noses.
WHAT DRIVES ATTRACTION?

Being attracted to another person may also


mean liking their genes that are perceived
through their physical looks.
THREE STAGES OF FALLING IN LOVE
by Helen Fisher

1. LUST
2. ATTRACTION
3. ATTACHMENT
THREE STAGES OF FALLING IN LOVE
by Helen Fisher

1. LUST
 Is driven by the sex hormones,
testosterone, and estrogen. These
hormones affect both sexes.
THREE STAGES OF FALLING IN LOVE
by Helen Fisher

2. ATTRACTION
 Is described as the lovestruck phase, which
involves neurotransmitters in the brain such as
dopamine, neropinephrine, and serotonin.
 This is the stage when a person loses sleep and
appetite over someone, and become very excited
to someone while daydreaming of this special
person.
THREE STAGES OF FALLING IN LOVE
by Helen Fisher

3. ATTACHMENT
 When the couple in love decides to continue with
the relationship, they enter the attachment
stage where long-lasting commitments are
exchanged and may lead to raising a family
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

1. TRANSFERENCE EFFECT
2. PROPINQUITY EFFECT
3. SIMILARITY
4. RECIPROCITY
5. PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
6. PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS AND
TRAITS
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

1. TRANSFERENCE EFFECT
 There are times we meet people who we
immediately like or dislike. Usually, these
people remind us of someone in the past who
has affected our sense of self and our
behavior.
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

2. PROPINQUITY EFFECT
 We often develop a sense of familiarity with people
who live close to us, work with us, or go to school with
us, which leads us to liking them more.
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

3. SIMILARITY
 We are often attracted to like-minded persons and
those who have similar beliefs and values as ours,
because the similarity is a validation of our innermost
values and belief system, and who we are as a person.
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

4. RECIPROCITY
 We like people who like us back. The more we are liked by
someone we equally like, the more we behave in ways that
promote mutual feeling of liking.
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

5. PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
 Several research studies were conducted to confirm that
physical attractiveness is a major factor in liking someone,
and usually, first impression counts a lot, too.
OTHER REASON WHY PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO
ONE ANOTHER
according to Rozenberg Quarterly

6. PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS AND TRAITS


 People get attracted to characteristics that lead to liking
the other person.
 Emphatic persons, who exude warmth and sympathy
and who are also optimistic and maintain positive views;
and socially competent person, who are good
communicators and enjoy good conversations.
LOVE AND INTIMACY
THERE HAS BEEN A RAGING DEBATE OVER
THE DEFINITION OF LOVE.

IS LOVE A FEELING?
IS LOVE A THOUGH?
IS LOVE PHYSICAL?

THE DEFINITION OF LOVE IS A FEELING OF DEEP


AFFECTION, PASSION, OR STRONG LIKING FOR A
PERSON OR THING.
LOVE AND INTIMACY
The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as:
 A strong feeling of affection and concern toward
another person, as that arising from kinship or close
friendship;

 A strong feeling of affection and concern for another person

accompanied by sexual attraction;


 A feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a god;

 A feeling kindness or concern by God or a good toward humans;


 Sexual desire or activity: the pleasures of love;
LOVE AND INTIMACY

Based on these definitions, we see angles of what


love is?

It is an emotion, a feeling, a virtue, an action,


and an experience. Love is also defined differently in
different cultures.
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
As theorized in Robert Sternberg’s Triangular
Theory of Love

1. INTIMACY
2. COMMITMENT
3. PASSION
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
As theorized in Robert Sternberg’s Triangular
Theory of Love

1. INTIMACY
 Researchers Reis, Clark, and Holmes and
Shaver defined intimacy as:
"That lovely moment when someone
understands and validate us."
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
AS THEORIZED IN ROBERT
STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY
OF LOVE
1. INTIMACY
o Close Familiarity / Friendship / Closeness

 Researchers Reis, Clark, and Holmes and Shaver defined


intimacy as:
“ That lovely moment when someone understands and
validate us. “
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
As theorized in Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

INTIMACY

 Being intimate with another person is about being open and


vulnerable to that person whom we deeply trust, who we feel
connected with, and who values us with unconditional positive
regard, which is viewing the other person with complete trust
and free of suspicion or negative thought.
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
As theorized in Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

INTIMACY

 Communication is a key component in developing intimacy, where


self-disclosure is practiced which leads to profound and
meaningful conservations that nurture and strengthen intimacy.
 Self-disclosure requires honesty for it to work, and is a tool in
enhancing the love relationship between two person.
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
As theorized in Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

2. COMMITMENT

 Is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by


agreements made with another person, entity, or cause, and
where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide to
one’s behavior and thinking.
 Commitment in a love relationship is expressed continuously in
caring and loving actions for the beloved.
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
As theorized in Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

3. PASSION

 Passion, as defined in generic terms, is the intense state of


being that drives and consumes a person to pursue an interest, a
vision, or a person.
 In terms of romantic love, passion connotes sexual
attraction, as well as intimacy.
STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF
LOVE Liking
(Intimacy alone)

Intimacy
Romantic love
(intimacy + passion) Consummate love Companionate love
(intimacy + passion (intimacy + commitment)
+ commitment)

Infatuation Empty love


(commitment alone)
(passion alone) Fatuous love
(passion + commitment)
DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF LOVE
AS THEORIZED IN ROBERT STERNBERG’S
TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

Attraction serves as the first step toward liking


someone, and among all the basis of attraction that were
discussed, reciprocity (mutual liking) is what triggers a
couple to move forward romance and intimacy, and
eventually, to commitment.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES
AND MEANING IT
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

We defined commitment as a continuing process of


showing love and care; fulfilling the promises or
agreements made with each other; and through bad times
and good times, the commitment stays firm and in place.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

Psychologist have conducted research on commitment and have


identified three variables related to it (Rozenberg Quarterly):
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
2. Temptation of alternative partners
3. Investments made by couple in the relationship

This are variables involved in strengthening and


maintaining commitment.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

 Considered as the most important determinant of


satisfaction in a relationship.

 Rewards of the relationship include:


 Support from the partner
 Sexual satisfaction
 Emotional
 Financial
 Physical security
 Adventure
 Novelty
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

2. Temptation of alternative partners

 It was noted that the fewer options a party in a


relationship gets exposed to, the lesser the
possibility of breaking the relationship.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship

 These investments may include time spent


together, common beliefs and experiences, mutual
experiences with mutual friends, and bearing
children. It was also discovered that religious
beliefs reinforce commitment.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

Researchers identified behaviorsmarried


couples may do that can predict a divorce or separation:

1. Criticism
2. Denial of the existence of conflict
3. Contempt
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

1. Criticism

 This happens when there is the absence of


unconditional positive regard for each other in a
relationship.

 Constantly finding fault in the other partner


will
result in negative feelings and resentment.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT

2. Denial of the existence of conflict

 When one party eludes the presence of a problem and


refuses to discuss it, as if belittling the problem, it
will result in frustration on the side of the other
party.
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT
3. Contempt

 Like criticism, contempt is present when someone who looks


down on the party as inferior does not give unconditional positive
regard, and aggravates the situation by expressing superiority
over the other
 According to research (Rozenberg Quarterly), this is the
“ultimate expression of disillusionment and highly predictive of
divorce” or separation.
RESPONSIBILITIES IN A
RELATIONSHIP
Some important responsibilities that are necessary in a
relationship to make it flourish and stay beneficial for the
parties involved:

1. Be responsible for what you think and say


to the other person.
2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not to do.
3. Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.
4. Respect the other party or parties involved.
5. Be ready to provide support when needed.
ACTIVITY:

How do you show responsibility in your relationships:

1. When your at home?


2. With the authorities in school?
3. With your friends?
4. With someone you have a romantic
relationship with?
END