Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
LOVE: THE OPENING CHAPTER
r If this were a book, this would be the opening chapter.
r Maybe you·re looking to get married, or are newly
married and still figuring each other out, or you have
been married a while, and are bored, looking for ways
to invigorate your married life.
r We hope you will find something beneficial in this
compilation of thoughts and ideas.
r Being Muslim and in common with people of faith we
believe that sex and anything that leads to it, is an act
reserved for marriage
A LITTLE HISTORY
r In the 19th century in Europe, the modern concept of
love was born
r Before that you may (or may not) be surprised to
learn that marriages in both the West and East were
primarily arranged
r Even today 25-80% of marriages in South Asia, Mid-
east and other places are still arranged
r We are not talking about forced marriages which is a
much smaller percentage
r As pre-marital sex is a major sin in Islam and other
faiths, the concept of love traditionally started after
è
marriage
TODAY
r Arranged marriages are seen as backward
r They are interpreted as being forced
G
LOVE CAVEAT
r Although the following slides share some insights
about love:
r There is no single definition of love
LOVE STYLES
r Passionate Love (Eros) :Love at first sight
r Friendship Love:Very close friendship
becomes love
r Selfless Love: Putting one·s lover above
one·s self
r Logical Love: Cognitive appreciation for
other·s quality
r Possessive Love: Feeling of ownership
over lover ·
åINDS OF LOVE
r Attraction love: (receives) An infatuation for people
and things
r Physical love (eros): (takes) Physical craving for food,
sex, and comfort
r Brotherly love: (gives and takes): recipricol love
between friends
r Godly love: (gives) unconditionally meets the needs
of others.
u
MODELS OF LOVE
r Three aspects of love (Sternberg, 1986):
r Intimacy: Closeness two people feel psychologically,
how well partners understand each other.
r Passion: The amount of physical/sexual attraction and
romance.
r Commitment: The cognitive factors such as the
decision to maintain the relationship.
ë
Triarchic Model of Love
A MODEL OF LOVE
Intimacy = Liking
Consummate
Love
Passion = Infatuation Commitment =
Empty Love
P + C = Fatuous
Love
SEX, LOVE OR INFATUATION
r Love at first sight is a myth
r Infatuation or lust starts fast
MARRY FOR THE RIGHT REASONS:
DON·T MARRY JUST FOR SEX
G
DEEPER THOUGHTS ON LOVE
r Love remains indefinable by thought
r A person recognizes it when it abides in them and
when it is their attribute
r When the words ´To love someoneµ are spoken ,
between self as lover and other as beloved, there exists
a connection which is loving.
r Longing also implies relationship between self who
longs and the longed for. Self achieves full closeness
with the other
r The dual nature of everything, eg every phenomenon
in existence has visibility and invisibility
r
LOVE AND GOD
r To love God and follow the Prophet (SAW) means to
love people as the potential of realizing their original
nature, the Creator·s love of making Himself manifest
in His creation. Being close is shared human potential,
that is reason for stressing debt towards oprphan and
the stranger, and commandment that evil be met with
good.
r The greatest human potential is voluntary realization
through being the Praiser
·
SO WHAT IS ISLAMIC VIEW OF SEX
There is only one acceptable form
of sex in God·s eyes: physical
intimacy between a man and a
woman within the God-given
safety and security of the
covenant of a marital
relationship.
Remember: Adultery,
homosexuality, are sins in Islam
WHAT MAåES MARRIAGE LAST
r Trust
r Mutual respect and appreciation
r Companionship. You both like doing the same things ;
you·re each others best friend
r Commitment. You·re both committed to your marriage
and the institution of marriage
r Communication. You·ve learned to speak each others
language and to listen
r Agreement. At least 75% of the time you agree on
important issues
r Conflict management. You know how to fight fair and
resolve your differences
r Faith and Spirituality. Shared faith and spirituality become ë
the glue that holds the marriage together
Relationship between husband and wife in Islam
r Compromise
THERE ARE MANY, MANY STEPS TO DETERMINE IF
YOU ARE COMPATIBLE FOR MARRIAGE
IMPORTANT LESSONS! LOVE STARTS WITH
SHOWING AFFECTION
r I·m concerned about the problems you face, & I·m with
You.
r I think u·ve done a good job, & am proud of you.
AFFECTION NOT SEX!
r Men have a tendency of confusing affection with sex.
r ´He sees showing affection as part of sexual foreplay,
and he is normally aroused in a flash.µ
r Affection should be a lifestyle not what u do to get
sex.
HARLEY·S FIRST LAW
r åiss.
r Special Notes & notes in return.
r Flowers.
r Lunched together.
r Hand Squeeze
r Conversations.
èG
WAYS TO SHOW LOVE
r
41. Offer to take the kids out of the house for awhile and give the
other parent some alone time.
42. Dip a strawberry into whipped cream and feed to your partner.
43. At night, step outside together for five minutes and look at
the stars.
44. Sing to each other.
45. Make a care package with his/her favorite snacks and leave it
in the car.
46. Establish a weekly ritual that you faithfully observe. For
example, watching a favorite television program, taking a walk
after dinner, putting candles on the table.
47. Give your spouse a little token to wear as a reminder of your
love. (Try for creative rather than expensive.)
48. åiss your spouse on the back of the neck.
49. Flirt with each other.
50. Watch a sunrise or sunset together.
è
FOR MORE DETAILS
r Please go to
r http://islamsexlove.wordpress.com/