|


|
 
 
@ Understand the philosophy of
being assertive.
@ Recognize the differences between being
assertive and aggressive through
exploration of personal reactions to
given situations.
@ Participate in role-playing exercises to
practice the tenets of being assertive.
@ Instill in participants the courage to be
assertive -- in the most appropriate and
effective way.
|

 


|     

 
¦ S S E R T I V E N E S S.

|

        

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w ½an you express negative feelings
about other people and their behaviors
without using abusive language?

w ¦re you able to exercise and express

your strengths?

w ½an you easily recognize and

compliment other people·s
achievements?

|

   !
w ëo you have the confidence to ask
for what is rightfully yours?

w ½an you accept criticism without

being defensive?

w ëo you feel comfortable accepting

compliments?

w ¦re you able to stand up for

your rights?
|
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w ¦re you able to refuse unreasonable
requests from friends, family, or co-
workers?

w ½an you comfortably start and carry

on a conversation with others?

w ëo you ask for assistance when

you need it ?
¦
  

  
 
 
  
 
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w Effective communication brings
about the achievement of
individual and/or shared goals.

w ¦ssertiveness increases your ability

to reach these goals while
maintaining your rights and
dignity.

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w ather people·s feelings and rights are
more important than yours.

w You will offend other people

by being assertive.

w You are not important

enough to express your
feelings and rights.

|
*
 -
 
‰ You have the right to be assertive.
‰ You have the right to request that others
change their behavior if they are infringing
on your rights.
‰ You have the right to use your own time
to answer questions.
‰ You have the right to express your needs
even if they are illogical.
  


   




 
 

|
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Î You do not live in isolation.

Î Your actions impact everyone.

Î You are in control of your behavior.

Î Your response to a situation must be

guided by ascertaining your rights and
responsibilities and following through.

|

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Î üear of change.

Î Refusal to admit their submissiveness.

Î üear of ruining relationships if you speak

your mind.

Î Lack confidence in your ability.

|

2 30 4
4guilty about saying ´noµ?

4that others regard you as a pushover?

4that it·s better to be well liked than well

respected?

4that outbursts of anger are appropriate?

4that intimidation is the only way you can

get what you want?

|

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If any of these things sound like
you, it means you are probably
exhibiting non-assertive
behavior.

Realize that you are not alone. Non-

assertive behavior is very common
in the workplace.
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m. How important is being assertive in this
particular situation?
2. What will you think of yourself if you are
not assertive now?
3. What are the consequences of assertive
behavior?
4. ëo the costs of this behavior outweigh the
benefits?

|
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Î Respect for yourself and others.
Î Honestly expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
Î Effectively influencing, listening,
and negotiating with others.

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Î It is important to remember that
assertiveness is not
aggressiveness or selfishness.
Î Being assertive does not involve
humiliating or abusing other
people and their rights.
Î Being assertive does not mean
violating the rights of others or
gaining at the expense of some
one else·s loss.
|
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6 Inappropriately expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way
that violates other people·s rights.
6 ¦chieving your goal by not allowing
others the freedom to choose.
6 ½ompletely disrespecting others
whether it be in an active or
passive method.

|
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Î ëo you become abusive, whether it
be verbal or physical, when
criticizing others?
Î ëo you purposely make others feel
like they are incompetent or
unimportant?
Î ëo you make unreasonable
demands of other people?

¦
  
   
  
 
  
  
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Î ëo you brag or exaggerate your
achievements?
Î ëo you ignore the rights and
feelings of other people?
Î ëo you aim to get your way at
all costs?
Î ëo you often dominate
conversations with others?

|

 
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Î ¦cting in an indirect or passive
manner.
Î Permitting others to take advantage
of you by violating your rights.
Î Thinking that you and your needs
are inferior to others and their
needs.

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£ ëo you feel guilty standing up for
your fights or expressing your
feelings?
£ ¦re you unable to recognize and
acknowledge your strengths?
£ ¦re you uncomfortable with starting
or carrying on a conversation?
£ ëo you rarely stand up for yourself?

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£ ëo you have trouble saying ´noµ to
people?
£ ¦re you unable to ask other people to
perform reasonable requests for you?
£ ëo you feel that you let other people
take advantage of you?

¦
  
   
  
 
  
 
 

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[ If you use effective communication

skills, assertiveness and self confidence,
most situations may be resolved.
[ However, using your authority is
legitimate as a secondary option.

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Î Speak softly and hesitantly.
Î Use fillers like ´uhµ and ´um.µ
Î ¦void eye contact.
Î ¦llow other people in their
personal space.

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Passiveness is clearly not conducive
to ascertaining your personal rights,
but you don·t need to go to the other
extreme to be assertive.
You don·t have to be forceful to be
assertive.
Soft-spoken people can be assertive
too!
There is no one way to be assertive
correctly, but there are things to
avoid.
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 Raise their voices when they lose
control.
 Shout and use accusatory language like
´You  µ and ´You  
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 Stare people down and may invade
other people·s personal space
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Î Speak calmly and confidently.
Î Notify other people of their feelings
with statements starting with ´I thinkµ
and ´I feel.µ
Î Maintain eye contact, have good
posture and are poised and in control.
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Î Be cognizant of your expression.
Î ëo not act hastily or in anger.
Î Remain calm, cool, courteous &
collected.
Î ¦void making mountains out of
molehills.
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They may be assertive

for the organization they
work for, but fall short
when it comes to
standing up for
themselves.
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Their unassertiveness
lets others take credit
for their achievements
and that leaves them
out of the limelight.

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They may be good
workers, but the
disruption and tension
they create makes them
disliked and puts them on
the defensive.

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turn in is acceptable. This lack of
focus may indicate low self-esteem.

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They do nothing to affect
the change themselves, no
matter how much taking
decisive actions would help
remedy their complaints.
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that·s given, whether
they like it or not, and
their passivity makes
them over-worked and
stressed.
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[ ëisagree in both a passive and active
manner depending on the situation.

[ ¦lways ask for answers when you

have questions regarding any issues
even when it is with a person of
authority.

[ Let other people understand more

about you ² let them share your
thoughts and experiences.
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[ Be reasonable when you are in a
discussion with others without letting
them dominate the interaction.
[ Say ´noµ to any requests you
are uncomfortable with or
feel is unreasonable.
[ ¦lways look directly into the
eyes of the person you are
talking to.
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[ ¦ccept compliments graciously without
feeling embarrassed or the need to
depreciate yourself.
[ Be friendly and sincere with the
people you would like to know
better; give them a chance to get
to know you.
[ Insist on being treated fairly
and justly ² never let others
take advantage of you.
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Then you do your job well
while maintaining your rights
and fulfilling your
responsibilities.

ëon·t worry if you don·t fit into

this category yet « There·s still
hope!

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tension you will
also control the
possibilities of
outbursts and
unnecessary or
unproductive
anger.

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[ Remember to keep on breathingC

[ Inhale, count to m , exhale, repeat999

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Î Grievances

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½ontrolling your
emotions is the first step
to helping , rather
than magnify, this
problem assertively.

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Examine the situation

carefully and make sure
you have a handle on all
the 
. Look to see if
you are in fact also
contributing to the
situation.
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Procrastination will only

make it . Pent-up
frustrations could lead to
unwanted explosions
that may be more
problematic than the
original situation.
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Remember to keep
perspective when things get
sticky, and don·t take things
personally. It will only
increase your emotional
involvement and hamper
your ability to resolve the
situation.
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½oncentrate.
Make eye contact.
Be tactful and honest.

Remember who you·re with

and tailor your discussion.

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Î ¦re your requests reasonable?
Î ¦re your requests easy
to understand?
Î ¦re you sure you know what
you want from other people?
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Î Non-verbal

Î Written

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¦void fillers like ´uhµ and ´umµ
and diminutives like ´little,µ ´onlyµ
and ´just.µ
ëon·t use ´I·m sorryµ if you·re not
sincere or if the situation doesn·t call
for it.
¦lways keep in mind your tone and
volume, and how think about how
they may be perceived by others.

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Be aware of gestures and body
language.

¦lways maintain good posture.

Make sure to allow for comfortable

personal space between you and the
person you·re communicating with.

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Use specific and simple language.

Use the active voice when writing,

and remember to be inclusive and
aware of your audience.

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Î Listening well.
Î ½ontrolling your emotions.
Î Letting people know how you feel.
Î Making assertive statements.

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Î Paraphrase what the speaker

has said.
Î Maintain eye contact and
verbally encourage the
speaker.
Î ¦sk informative and
clarifying questions.
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m. Listen to the request - Make sure
you understand the request
completely before coming to a
hasty conclusion. ¦sk questions
if you need any clarification.
2. Say no immediately - You do
not need to justify your decision.
If you start doing so, you will be
prolonging the conversation
unnecessarily.
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3. Give a reason for your refusal ²
Without giving a reason, you may
come off as uncooperative or
hostile. ¦ clear and honest reason
will be sufficient, you do not need
to argue with the other party.
4. affer to find an alternative ² Let
the other party know that you will
try to help them but you are
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Î While remaining cool
and collected, try to
explain your point of
view.
Î Use terms like ´I feelµ
and ´I thinkµ rather
than ´It should beµ or
´It must.µ
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@ ½ommunicating a request for change to
another person is probably one of the
hardest tasks for the newly assertive
person.
@ Using the following technique may help
someone get through those first tough
spots when it comes to difficult
situations.

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m. ëescribe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.
3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of
changed behavior.
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o ¦ good chance that the person you are
requesting change from will change.
o You will not violate the rights
of others.
o You will not be-little other
people·s self-esteem.
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with the person you are requesting
change from.
o You will not lessen the motivation of
the other person.

o You will not be defensive.

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seem like a
quick fix, but it
will get you
nowhere fast.
š Yelling until
you are blue in
the face will
only come
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Setting limits.

Expressing your feelings.

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@ Slouching, avoiding
eye contact, and
other self-effacing
mannerisms can
show a lack of self
confidence.

@ This kind of self-

presentation can
perpetuate a cycle of
non-assertive behavior.
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avoiding your
stare or shying
away, slow
down. You may
be coming on
too strong.
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Î If you don·t like the way
you feel when you
behave a certain way,
know that you have the
power to change it!
Î Remember, the only
behavior you can control
is your own.

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m. üear of making mistakes. ü

2. üear of displeasing others.
3. üear of disapproval.
4. üear of appearing too
masculine or too feminine.

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ö ½onfidence in Your Skills
ö Sense of Purpose
ö ½ommitment to Goals

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m. Identify what you want to change about
yourself.
2. Set a goal.
3. ½ontrol your fears and anxieties.
4. ¦im for a success that is manageable at
first.
5. Keep a record to monitor your progress.
6. Practice, practice, practice!

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Be aware of your facial expression.

¦lways make eye contact.

Pay attention to what others are

saying and let them know that you
are listening.
|
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Use a pleasant but firm voice
when communicating.

Be aware of your gestures and how

you hold and present yourself.

¦lways ask questions when clarification

is needed to avoid misunderstanding.

Look for ways to solve the problem so

all parties are satisfied.

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Î Whenever the comfort level

is exceeded, ´Speak Upµ.
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Î How do you fare when it comes to
behaving assertively?
Î Knowing where you are personally
can help gauge how far you·ve
come and how much farther
you have to go.

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Î List specific behaviors.
Î Be as systematic as possible.
Î Rank the behaviors in terms of their
complexity or degree of difficulty.
Î Rank the behaviors in terms of
chronological order.
Î Begin with the least difficult behavior.
Î ¦dvance to a more difficult behavior.
Î Break difficult behavior down into
several smaller behaviors. |
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Î ¦ttach time limits to each behavior.
Î Repeat specific behavior until mastered.
Î Review all previous behaviors.
Î ¦dvance to next most difficult behavior.
Î Measure and evaluate.
Î Keep records (preferably visual).
Î Reinforce through reward and punishment.
Î Use visual reminders (pictures, charts, etc.).
Î Remember ("¦ small goal is enough!").
|
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