Climate Controls

Conflict Management
Dealing with Difficult People/Issues

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Why?

Conflict is inherent in our environment. Conflict is inevitable. The issue is how to effectively manage it. It is estimated that over 65% of performance problems result NOT from employee deficiencies in job knowledge and skills, but rather from relationship problems between competent, skilled employees. A classic management study determined that 25% of the typical managers time is spent responding to conflict. That figure rises to 30% for front line supervisors.

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Todays Objectives

Identify sources of conflict. Introduce participants to the levels of conflict. Identify styles of conflict Complete a self-assessment to determine your natural style for dealing with conflict. Practice the C.L.A.S.S. model of conflict.

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Definition of Conflict
Conflict is defined as the process which begins when we perceive that someone has negatively affected, or is about to negatively affect, something we care about. The more deeply we care about something, the more intense the conflict.

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How I Deal With Conflict

When someone disagrees with me about something important or challenges me in front of others, I usually . . . ________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ When I get angry, I . . . __________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ The most important outcome of conflict is . . . ________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ I feel most vulnerable during a conflict when . . . ______________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ When things are not going well I tend to . . . _________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ My greatest weakness in handling conflict is . . . ______________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

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Sources of Conflict

Structures/systems that are in place where there is the opportunity for differences. Procedures, policies, available resources, organizational structure (environmental issues).

Environmental Issues

Combined

Interpersonal Issues

Interpersonal issues include personalities, styles, ego needs, work habits, and values.

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Levels Of Conflict

Moving Outside the Acceptable

Pushing the Emotional Envelope Normal Irritations

Normal things of life/personal differences which do not alienate.

Individuals move from the rational to the emotional. Communication is strained, there is anger and tension.

Verbal hostility, potential for physical threats.

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Three Levels of Conflict

A Normal Irritation A normal irritation comes from the flow of life and our interactions with others. These are personal differences but they are not of the intensity that alienate people from one another. If there is any anger, it passes quickly. People move on and normal working relationships are re-established. __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Pushing the Emotional Envelope Up to this point differences have been handled logically, with some emotion. Now, communication is strained. The level of patience and trust people have with one another is being displaced with anger and tension. Logic has given way to emotions. Personal agendas are taking precedence over the collective good. __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Moving Outside the Acceptable At this point, there is verbal hostility and serious potential for physical conflict. The parties involved have become adversaries. Things that are said and done create a negative emotional history that defines future contact. __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ 8

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Learning From Others

Good Experience: _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ Bad Experience: _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________ _____________________________________

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Developed vs. Underdeveloped

Developed Uses a variety of conflict management styles. Effective listening skills support objectivity and clarity. Has intuitive awareness of potential problems. Can recognize physical and emotional states that amplify conflicts. Can create a process that avoids conflictual damage. Underdeveloped Feels powerless to move a difficult situation in a positive direction. Sees feedback as a personal affront. Carries emotional baggage from one situation to another. Feels a need to fix things for others. Is surprised by different agendas, hostile personalities. Ego requires being right.
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Skills Necessary To Handle Conflict

Empathy for the positions of others. The ability to reflect and learn from personal experience. The ability to ask open ended questions to build understanding. The ability to separate the subject from the emotions. The ability to frame the conflict so that participants are not getting stuck on rigid agendas.

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Conflict Management Self-Assessment

Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument. Self-assessment to determine your natural conflict management style.

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Video: Conflict Management

Conflict Management

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Five Management Styles

Avoiding ignores or withdraws from the conflict. Accommodating agrees to play down the situation. Relationship is important, the issue is not. Compromising looks for solutions in which both parties get something. Relationship is very important. Meeting halfway. Competing aggressive, vigorously defends position. Little concern for people or relationship. Collaborating assertive and cooperative. Considers the problem to be mutual. Favors working together.

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What Does Good Look Like?

Style What Am I Doing/ What Am I Thinking?

Competing

Collaborating

Compromising

Avoiding

Accommodating

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What Does Bad Look Like?

Style What Am I Doing/ What Am I Thinking?

Competing

Collaborating

Compromising

Avoiding

Accommodating

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The Importance of Establishing Boundaries

Boundaries clarify expectations: Understanding our roles & responsibilities How we are together What can and cannot be said Boundaries establish patterns of behavior that define quality of communication.

Healthy boundaries are flexible and dynamic they allow people to change.
Boundaries present a barometer for personal agendas.

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Boundaries
Rigid Flexible

Rigid boundaries put people into a box that works against individual/development change. Flexible boundaries recognize the need for structure but also recognize the need to accept change.

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The Dramatic Pause

Stimulus

Response

TIME

You have the Freedom

and Ability to

Pause and Choose

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History of Conflict
Person Person: Situation Situation:

Person:

Situation:

Person:

Situation:

Common Themes:

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C.L.A.S.S. Model
Model of How To manage difficult people/issues.

C alm down
L ower your voice A sk questions S eek understanding S et the stage (follow up)

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C.L.A.S.S.
C alm down

Time to choose a correct response. Send a different brain message. Settle down, not fire up. De-escalates situation. Send a different message to the brain.

L ower your voice

A sk questions

Find out additional information. Active listening, dont interrupt, make good eye contact, use positive body language. Listen for answers.
Walk a mile in their shoes. What is their viewpoint? Why do they feel that way? Where is the common ground? Avoid the fire ring effect. Forgive people. Take responsibility for your role in the conflict.
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S eek understanding

S et the stage (follow up)

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Problems That Arise In Groups

Using your experiences from real life, please provide, in each case, solutions to the situations indicated on pages 24, 25 and 26 by answering the three listed questions.

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Worksheet: Handling Potential Problems

Situation #1: One or two people have not spoken or contributed during the past two meetings. What is the problem?

What can be done?

What not to do?

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Worksheet: Handling Potential Problems

Situation #2: Participant is dominating, doing all the talking, answering the leader all the time and monopolizing the groups time. What is the problem?

What can be done?

What not to do?

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Worksheet: Handling Potential Problems

Situation #3: Two or three people who sit together are talking softly among themselves and not paying attention to the leader. This has been going on for half a minute. The leader is becoming annoyed. What is the problem?

What can be done?

What not to do?

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Handling Difficult Situations

Situation #1: People are not contributing. What can be done: Instead of team discussions, break into smaller groups (2 or 3) and have a member of the group give feedback to the team. Use the nominal group technique for generating information. Use affinity diagrams to get everyone involved. Focus the team discussion on assignments that are done between meetings. What not to do: Do not embarrass anyone. Do not assume people are not interested.

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Handling Difficult Situations

Situation #2: Participant is dominating.

What can be done: After the domineering team member speaks, get other reactions. Use smaller groups for discussion. Avoid eye contact with domineering member. Suggest to the person (in private) that they help involve others.
What not to do: Dont confront or take on the domineering member.

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Handling Difficult Situations

Situation #3: Participants are angry/negative.

What can be done: Ask others if they agree with the negative members; discover how extensive these beliefs are. Involve this person as a recorder. Discuss in private the persons concern.
What not to do: Do not take the person on. Do not get caught up in emotion.

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How to Deal With Angry Employees

Out of the blue, youre blindsided by an outraged employee whos complaining about faulty machinery, an obnoxious fellow worker, poor working conditions, a procedural roadblock, or any other situation seemingly beyond control. What to do? Start by turning down the heat and gathering as much information as possible. Gather Information First, give the person your full attention ASAP. Putting people off when they are upset only makes things worse. If they vent their fury to sympathetic coworkers in the meantime, the complaint will be harder to contain and resolve. Do your best to draw the worker out. People usually feel better after theyve blown off steam. Encourage them to unload completely; listen carefully to what they say. Ask questions and make supportive comments such as I see, Tell me more, What else should I know, or Give me all the details. Nod occasionally and make frequent eye contact, but dont be patronizing. And dont deal in personalities or generalities. Limit the discussion to specific, objective information. If other employees are involved, meet with them individually. Talking to them as a group is just asking for trouble. Keep each persons remarks confidential. Last, stay seated if things get heated. In times when going postal means more than mailing a letter, avoid any signs of physical confrontation. Sit down, even if the employee insists on standing. Speak calmly; keep your cool. If the employee is acting irrational or highly agitated, dont get into a shouting match. Call a time out and schedule a meeting later in the day. Report any implied physical violence through the proper channels.

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How to Deal With Angry Employees

Respond Appropriately After settling the employee down and getting all the facts, you can: Solve the problem immediately. Sometimes you have a satisfying solution at hand. If theres no obvious solution Ask the irate employee what he or she wants you to do. This technique helps to move egocentric people outside their own orbit so they view the problem from your side of the desk. They might even suggest a remedy you wouldnt have thought of. In any event, asking for suggestions puts some responsibility on the employee to help resolve the issue instead of just dumping it on you and storming off down the hall. Clarify your authority. You may be governed by policies or procedures that give you no leeway in how you respond. If so, say so. Dont get peoples hopes up by saying youll look into a situation that you know youre powerless to change. Sometimes, the only honest answer is, Im sorry. Theres nothing I can do. Admit your role. If your mistake caused the blowup, say so. Refusing to say youre wrong only adds fuel to the fire. As one employee said of her boss, I could forgive him an honest mistake, but I wont forgive him for being too pig-headed to admit it when I laid the facts in from of him. If no solution is at hand, at least confirm your intent to be fair. Fairness, or lack of it, is at the heart of many employee complaints. Without making guarantees, assure the person that youll make your best effort to set things right if you possibly can and that the complaint wont be swept under the rug. Write a memo for your files. Summarize your conversation while the information is fresh. Note the date, time, and place where you met, key remarks, and major facts. This can be helpful if the employee decides to go over your head. 31

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How to Deal With Angry Employees

Follow Up Some managers hear out a complaint, then do nothing, hoping the whole problem will disappear. And then they wonder why employees dont respect them! Be sure to hold a follow-up meeting after youve investigated the matter to discuss what youll do. Keep in mind that your decision may set a precedent for similar complaints in the future. Inform your boss and line up his or her support in case the worker challenges your decision and files a formal grievance. But in most cases, a quick and appropriate response, even if it goes against an employees wishes, will defuse anger and help keep moral high.

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