Winning with People

“In life, the skills you use and the people you choose will make or break you”
John C Mawxell
People Principles

If we want to win with people we must ask ourselves the

following four critical questions:

– Readiness: Are we prepared for a relationship?

– Connection: Are we willing to focus on others?
– Trust: Can we build mutual trust?
– Investment: Are we willing to invest in others?
Readiness
Fundamental building blocks that make people ready for relationships are as
follows:

Lens Principle - Who we are determine how we see others

Mirror Principle - The first person we must examine is ourselves
Pain Principle - Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them
Hammer Principle - Never use a Hammer to swat a fly off someone’s head
Elevator Principle - We can lift people or take people down in our relationship

Lens Principle
• Who you are determines what you see
– People in the same room will look at same things differently
– What is around us does not determine what we see but what is within us determines it
• Who you are determines how you see
– The way people see others is a reflection of others.
• Who you are determines what you do
 Readiness
Mirror Principle
• Coping with difficult people is always a problem especially if the difficult person happens to be
you.
• Know yourself well – Self awareness
• Get along with yourself well – Self Image
• Change yourself first – Self Improvement
• You can make a difference – Self Responsibility

Pain Principle
• Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them
• Hurting people often hurt people
• Hurting people are often hurt by people
• Hurting people often hurt themselves
Dealing with hurt people
• Don’t take it Personally
• Look Beyond the actual problem
• Don’t add to their hurt
• Help them find help
 Readiness
Hammer Principle
• Don’t use a hammer to swat a fly
• Total Picture
– When someone shares something with you try to listen, ask questions, listen
again, ask more questions and then respond
• Timing
• Tone
• Temperature
• If you desire to develop a softer touch with people
– Let the past stay in the past
– Actions are remembered long after words are forgotten
– Never let a situation mean more than a relationship

Elevator principle
• Lifters commit themselves to daily encouragement
• Lifters know the little difference that separates hurting and helping
• Lifters initiate the positive in a negative environment
 Connection
Charisma principle
People are interested in the person who is interested in them
Six ways to make people like you
• Become genuinely interested in other people
• Smile
• Remember that a person’s name is to him or her is the most sweetest sound
• Be a good listener- encourage others to talk
• Talk in-terms of other people’s interests
• Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

Confrontation principle
• Confront a person only if you care for that person
• Meet together ASAP
• First seek understanding, not necessarily agreement
• Outline the issue
• Encourage a response
• Agree to an action plan
 Trust
Bedrock principle
Trust is the foundation of any relationship
Truths about trust
• Trust begins with yourself
• Trust cannot be compartmentalized
• Trust works like a bank account

Approachability principle
Being at ease at ourselves helps others be at ease with us. Approachable people exhibit
the following 7 characteristics :
• Personal warmth
• Appreciation for the differences in people
• Consistency of mood
• Sensitivity towards people’s feelings
• Understanding of human weaknesses
• Ability to forgive easily and ask for forgiveness
• Authenticity
 Invesment
Patience Principle
A Journey with others is slower than a journey alone
Steps to become a more patient person
• Prioritize patience as a virtue
• Understand that it takes time to build a relationship
• Practice Exchange principle
• Realize that people have and create problems
• Identify areas where people need patience with you
Thank you