Why Study Communication?

 The Only Completely Portable Skill

 You will use it in every relationship  You will need it regardless of your career path

 The Information Age

 The history of civilization is the history of information  Language and written documents facilitate the transfer of information and knowledge through time and space

Why Study Communication?

 Your Quality of Life Depends Primarily on Your Communication Skills  You Cannot Be Too Good at Communication  People Overestimate Their Own Communication Skills

We Want Others to Change

What Is Communication?
 Transfer of MeaningNo  Influence of Mental MapsYes  Redundant
    Visual Auditory Kinesthestic Energetic

What Is Communication?
 Conscious and Intentional
 Nonverbal  Verbal

 Unconscious and Unintentional

 Nonverbal  Verbal

Unconscious Processing
     Conscious Processing = 72/Second Unconscious Processing = 200,000,000/Sec. Short-term Memory Long-term Memory Habits
 Physical  Mental

Habits
 Learned Behavior  Established Over Time
 Practice  Self-talk

 Change

Learning
     Unconscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence Conscious Competence Unconscious Competence Mastery

External Reality
 The Map is Not the Territory
    We delete information We distort information We generalize We assign meaning

 Models of the World

Sensory Data
 The Building Blocks of Subjective Experience
 What we see  What we hear  What we touch, taste, and smell

 The Four-tuple  Meanings and Memories

Filtering Experience
 Primary Mediation  Secondary Mediation
     Genetic predisposition Conditioning Personal profiles of behavioral type Beliefs, values, core questions, and core metaphors Physical and mental state

Perception Can Be Tricky

The Communication Process

Message

Filters Sensory Data

Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State

DecisionMaking

Filters Sensory Data

Beliefs Values Questions & Metaphors Beh. Type State

DecisionMaking

Encoding Channel

Encoding

Sender

Receiver

The Bowman Communication Model, 1992-2003

Metaphor: The Language of Perception

 Metaphors and Similes
 My love is a flower.  My love is like a flower.

 Core Metaphors
    Argument is war Business is war Business is a sport or a game Business is a building

Core Metaphors
 Metaphors, Similes, and Analogies  Perceptual Filters  Common Operational Metaphors
     Time is Learning is Men/Women are Success is... Life is

Experience, Language, and Meaning

Language

Meaning

Mental Maps Sensory Data Experience

Symbol Systems
 Language
 Words and sentences  Meaning and labels

 Mathematics  Money

History of Communication
 Nonverbal:  Oral:  Written:
    

150,000 years 55,000 years 6,000 years

Early writing: 4000 BC Egyptian hieroglyphics: 3000 BC Phoenician alphabet: 1500 to 2000 BC Book printing in China: 600 BC Book printing in Europe: 1400 AD

Communicating Meaning
 Physiology and Appearance: 55 percent  Paralanguage: 38 percent  Language: 7 percent

Sensory Data and Mental Maps

 Bridge Between Internal and External  Internal and External Processing  Internal Processing
 Posture and breathing  Language and paralanguage  Eye accessing cues

Sensory Modalities
 Visual  Auditory  Kinesthetic
    Touch Taste Smell Emotional responses (feelings)

Preferred Sensory Modalities

    People Use All Their Available Senses Some Prefer Visual Some Prefer Auditory Some Prefer the Kinesthetic Cluster
 Senses of touch, taste, and smell  Associated emotional responses

 Some Prefer Digital Processing

Visuals
 Vocabulary
     I see what you mean. It looks good to me. Lets stay focused on the problem. She has a bright future. Hes always in a fog.

 Physiology and Appearance  Paralanguage

Auditories
 Vocabulary
     I hear what you are saying. It sounds good to me. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Thats music to my ears. Hes always blowing his own horn.

 Physiology and Appearance  Paralanguage

Kinesthetics (Kinos)
 Vocabulary
     I can grasp the concept, and it feels right to me. It smells fishy to me. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Shes still rough around the edges. Hes a smooth operator.

 Physiology and Appearance  Paralanguage

Eye Accessing Cues

Vc Ac K

Vr Ar Ai

Exercise: Observing Eye Movements

 Ask questions that require internal processing.
 Visual  Auditory  Kinesthetic
 Taste or smell  Touch  Emotions

Exercise: Flexibility
 Determine your preferred system.
 What are you doing when you think?  Speak for two minutes using predicates from one sensory modality, then do the the same for each of the other two.

 Work in groups and take turns speaking using sense-based predicates in a systematic way.

Rapport
 Finding Commonalities
 Values  Vocabulary and paralanguage  Physiology and appearance

 Matching and Mirroring  Cross-over Matching

People who are like each other, like each other.

Developing Rapport
 Nonverbal (what you see and do)
 Physiology  Appearance  Congruence

 Verbal (what you hear and say)

 Sense-based predicates  Values, beliefs, and criteria  Voice tone and rate of speech

Reading Nonverbal Messages

 Sensory Acuity  Agree and Disagree  Posture and Movement
 Associated or dissociated  Bodily response

Exercises: Rapport
 Matching and Mirroring
 Observing others  Practicing

 Calibration
 Like/dislike  Yes/no

Congruence
 Physiology
 Left/right body  Left/right brain

 Nonverbal and Verbal Messages  Parts  Groups

Strategies
 The Structure of Subjective Experience
 Four-tuples  Syntax

 Learned Behavior
 TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit)  Habits  Skills

Common Strategies
 Spelling
 Auditory (spell phonics phonetically)  Visual

 Making Decisions  Communicating

 Listening and speaking  Writing

Decision-making Strategies
 Purchasing
 An inexpensive product  Dinner in a nice restaurant  An expensive product or service

 Relationships  Career Choices

Communication Strategy, 1 & 2

 Pace
 Match (nonverbally and verbally)  Meet expectations

 Lead
 Set direction  Maintain interest  Maintain rapport

Communication Strategy, 3 & 4

 Blend Outcomes
 Understand objectives and desires  Create win-win solutions

 Motivate
 Clarify who does what next  Future-pace possibilities  Presuppose positive results

Exercise: Eliciting Strategies

 Ordering a Meal in a Restaurant  Learning Something New  Teaching Something for the First Time

Personal Profiles
    Achiever Communicator Specialist Perfectionist
A C

Profile Characteristics
 Achiever
  Likes to set goals, challenge the environment and win. Sees life as a competition. Likes to achieve results by working with and through people. Finds more enjoyment in the process than in the results. Likes to plan work and relationships. Finds enjoyment in knowing what to expect. Enjoys jobs requiring attention to detail. Complies with authority and tries to provide the right answer.

Communicator
 

Specialist
 

Perfectionist
 

Metaprograms
    Action Direction Source Conduct Initiate or Respond Toward or Away From Internal or External Rule Follower or Breaker

More Metaprograms
    Response Scope Cognitive Style Confirmation Match or Mismatch Global or Specific Thinking or Feeling VAK and Times

Exercise: Eliciting Metaprograms

 Metaprograms are revealed by
 Nonverbal messages  Language

 Question

 What do you mean?  How do you know?  Whats important to you about that?

Changing Behavior
 Patterns and Pattern Interrupts  Anchors and Anchoring
 Stimulus-response conditioning  Visual, auditory, and kinesthetic anchors

 Advanced Language Patterns

 The Metamodel  The Milton Model

Exercise: Anchoring
 Setting Anchors
 Kinesthetic  Visual  Auditory

 Stacking Anchors  Collapsing Anchors  Using Sliding Anchors

The Structure of Subjective Experience

 Sorting for Time
 Past, present, and future  Timelines

 Sorting for Like and Dislike  Creating and Changing Meaning

Modalities and Submodalities

 Visual Submodalities
 Location, size, distance, brightness, point of view  Color or black & white, moving or still

 Auditory Submodalities
 Location, tone, rate, pitch, inflection, rhythm  Language, voice (your voice, the voice of a parent)

 Kinesthetic Submodalities
 Location, strength, duration, movement  Quality (warm, cold, tingly, etc.)

Exercise: Changing Submodalities

 Select something, someone, or an activity you want to like better.  Elicit submodalities for
 Things you like.  Things you dislike.

 Change the submodalities with which you represent the thing, person, or activity.

Belief Systems
    Cultural Parental Group Individual  Global (Identity)  Cause-effect
 If X, then Y  If I study, then I will...

 Rules
 Can/cant  Must/must not  Should/should not

Values
 A Type of Belief  Hierarchical  Either Positive or Negative
 Something desired  Something to avoid

 Congruent or Incongruent

Core Questions
     Remain Out of Conscious Awareness Focus Attention Influence Interpretation of Events Influence Psychological State Influence the Range of Possibilities

Exercise: Belief and Disbelief

 Elicit the submodalities of something you believe absolutely.  Elicit the submodalities of something you doubt.  Elicit the submodalities of something you disbelieve.  Select a limiting belief and change its submodalities.

Frames and Reframes

 The Filters That Determine Meaning  Influence State and Behavior  Creating and Changing Frames  Anchoring  Reframing Context  Reframing Content

Reframing Context
 Key Questions
 Where would the characteristic or behavior be useful?  When would the characteristic or behavior be useful?  What would have to be true for this to be useful?

 Common Context Reframes

 Rudolphs red nose  Oil  Procrastination

Reframing Content
 Key Questions
    What else could this mean (or be)? What am I missing here? How can he or she believe that? How could this mean the opposite of what I thought?

 Common Content Reframes

 The ugly duckling  Plastic or sawdust  Failure

The Metamodel
    Used to Understand Anothers Mental Maps Used to Recover Lost Information Used to Help Correct Distortions Universal Metamodel Questions
    What, who, or how specifically? What do you mean? How do you know? What would happen if you did (or didnt)?

Metamodel Violations
 Unspecified Nouns
 Abstract nouns (a student, teachers)  Nominalizations (freedom, justice)

 Unspecified or Missing Pronouns

 Someone you know. . . .  Its wrong to think that.

Metamodel Violations
 Unspecified Verbs
 You have to learn this.  You will solve your problems.

 Unwarranted Generalizations
 You never want to do anything.  Politicians are crooks.

Metamodel Violations
 Unwarranted Comparisons
 Brand X gives you more.  Sally is the best.

 Unwarranted Rules
 You cant do that on television.  Clean your plate.  No pain, no gain.

The Milton Model

 Used to Change Anothers Mental Maps  Used to Create New Possibilities  Used to Influence

Milton Model Techniques

 Metamodel Violations
    Unspecified nouns, pronouns, and verbs. Generalizations Comparisons Shifts in referential index

More Milton Model Techniques

       Presuppositions Embedded Questions Embedded Commands Negative Commands Metaphors Quotes Ambiguities

Basic Language Skills

 My automobile prefers to warm up slowly.  The organization is in excellent shape. For example, the record profits last year.  The company has decided to purchase new furniture.  While busy working at the computer all day was no doubt the cause of her eye strain and stiff neck.

More Basic Language Skills

 Not only will Alex need to justify his behavior to his boss, but also to the company president.  The data is from Service Is the Key, by Eileen Johnson in the May issue of The Journal of Customer Relations.

Language Skills for Case 1

 As an employee of Con-U-Tel, it is my responsibility to set up our companies annual convention.  I am writing this letter to inquire about your hotels accommodations.  How many people can your hotel accommodate at one time?

More Language Skills for Case 1

 Does your hotel have banquet facilities?  How many conference rooms does your hotel have with audio/visual equipment?  I must have your answer by July 10th so that I can make a decision.  Thank you in advance for sending this and other helpful information.

Block Format and Mixed Punctuation

 Date goes on left margin
 5 January 2004  January 5, 2004  NOT: 1/5/2004 or 5.1.2004

 Inside address includes the following:

    Name of the individual with courtesy title Professional title and/or office or department Organization plus mail stop information City, state, and ZIP code information

Block Format and Mixed PunctuationPart 2

 Salutation
 Dear Ms. Goldman:  Dear Director:  Ladies and Gentlemen:

 The signature block includes the following:

 An appropriate complimentary close (Sincerely, Cordially, Best Wishes)  The signature of the person who wrote the letter  The typed/printed name of the writer

Message Structure for Case 1

 Ask the most important question.
   What is the make-or-break question? Why are convention facilities more important than guest rooms? Why is it important to include the dates in the opening question?

 Explain your needs.

   What does she need to know to help you? What does she not need to know? What is required for transition to the list of secondary questions?

More Structure for Case 1

 Ask your secondary questions.
 What is implied by the numbered list?  How do you ensure that the information you receive will help you make a decision?

 Set and justify an end-date.

 Is it possible that she can help you in ways you havent asked about?  Why do you need a time index to justify a specific enddate?