Marriage Conference 2012

Marriage is what brings us together today
Original Foundation
Design: Genesis 2.8-21
Setting: Garden East of Eden (i.e. from where Adam was created; 2.8) Two notable trees (2.9) A presumable spring from Eden made four rivers to water the garden (2.10-14)
Original Foundation
Setting (contd): Work: Man was put there to tend it [care for attentively]work was made a part of the His order (2.15) Restriction: One boundary given; one testing point established (2.19a) Consequence: Death (2.19b) spiritually, physically, emotionally
Original Foundation
Good: Each days creation; good food; good gold (1.1-25; 2.9, 12) Not Good: alone=separation, by ones self; isolation (2.18) Helper=one who assists/rescues/helps; this implies the one helped is lacking Comparable=of equivalent quality; spiritually, emotionally & physically
Original Foundation
Divine Surgery: Adam was from the groundjust like the animals he was naming i.e. belonging to the earth (2.19-20) Eve was the only creature taken, not from the ground, but the flesh of anotherthe very side (2.21)
Original Foundation
Divine Surgery: (contd) Unique associationbelonging to Adam (2.22-23) Unique bondthe only two like this in the creation Unique loyalty to another is the result Unique marriageGod officiated (2.24-25)
Original Foundation
Divine Surgery: Unique Picture *Adam slept *Christ slept *Adams side was *Christs side was opened pierced *Adam was *Christ is & will be delighted delighted (Eph. 5.25-27)
Original Foundation
Design: Genesis 2:24-25 Leave =To forsake, depart from, let alone, leave behind Cleave=cling to; stick tothe adherence is so tight that to separate would be destructive (2 Sam. 23.20) Perceive=there is a new union; new life unit; new life cycle; fresh, innocent & virgin
Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

The Temptation (vv. 3-5) God is Questioned: has God indeed said, you shall not eat of every Gods Truth Contradicted: you shall not surely die Gods Character: God knowsyou will be like Summary: Integrity is questioned; evil intent is implied; word challenged

The Response (vv. 3-5) Adding: nor shall you touch it (more demanding/restrictive) Omitting: cf. 2.16; freely eat (Minimized Gods generous person) Weakening: lest [beware] you die (God said you surely would) Sum: All three show up in marriages

The Lust (v. 6) Definition: Inordinate desire; deep and strong desire Sensation: good for food (body) Sight: pleasant to the eyes (soul) Self: make one wise (spirit) All three seek to dominate in the flesh (Cf. 1 Jn. 2.15-17)

The Shame (v. 7) Discovery: eyeswere opened Seeing good & evil from sins perspectiveSatans partial truth Dignity: knew they were naked Innocence was gone Disgraced/Ashamed: they sewed fig leavesAttempt to cover up

The Exposure (vv. 8-10) Distanced: ...hid themselves from the presence of the LordWhere are you No intimacy any longer Denial: I was afraid because I was nakedso I hid myself Half truth Demand: God demands account who told you were nakedhave you eaten There is always an account

The Blame (vv. 12-13) Deferral: the WOMAN YOU gave me to be with me, she gave methe serpent deceived me and I ate This continues today in marriages and families and Assemblies and other works of the Almighty

The Curse (vv. 14-19) The Serpent/creation (v. 14; cf. Rm. 8.20-22) Enmity between Woman & the Serpent (broken alliance) (v. 15a) Enmity between Satans seed [offspring] & Womans seed [offspring] (v. 15b) Enmity between Satan/Christ: bruise your headbruise your heel (v. 15c)

The Curse (vv. 14-19) The woman: multiply sorrowconceptionpainbrin g forth children & desire (Cf. 4.7) for you husband and he shall rule [dominion] over you (v. 16). Sorrow, pain with new life; built in marital frustration

The Curse (vv. 14-19) The Man: he shall rule over youbecause you have heeded the voice of your wifeI commanded you... & cursed is the groundtoilall the days of your lifereturn to the ground (vv. 16b19) Sum: Marital conflict, sweat, death
New Beginnings
Design: Genesis 2:24-25 (used in four NT passages & prescribe four principles) 1.Matt. 19.3-9: Permanencethe Lord Jesus is answering questions about easy divorce but from the beginning it was not sowhat God has joined together, let no man separate (vv. 6b, 8b)
New Beginnings
Design: Genesis 2:24-25 (used in four NT passages & prescribe four principles) 2.1 Corinthians 6.15-7.2 Faithfulnessphysical union with another than your wife violates this principle; it is a serious matter shall I takeand makeof a harlot? the twoshall become one fleshfleeimmorality (vv.15-16)
New Beginnings
Design: Genesis 2:24-25 (used in four NT passages & prescribe four principles) 3.1 Corinthians 11.8-12 Structure of authority or headship: This is the idea of structure and order that God establishes the head ofhe is the image & glory of God, but the womanglory of manwoman for...man (vv. 3-9)
New Beginnings
Ephesians 5.22-25
Two Concepts:
Willing Submission (v. 22, 24) Loving Authority (v. 25)
Headship illustrated through this relationship (v. 23)
New Beginnings: Headship

Christ Husband
the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church (5.23) Church Wife

Christ Loving Authority
just as the Church is subjectjust as Christ loved the church (5.24-25)

Church
Willing Submission

Loving Authority God the Christ Father
Man
the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God (1 Cor. 11.3) Christ Man Willing Submission Woman
The Lord Jesus: Headship

Loving Authority Willing Submission
Matt. 3.17:
Baptism Matt. 17.5: Transfiguration John 5.19-20: Conversation
Jn. 5.30; 6.38;

7.16; 8.28, 42 Mt. 4.8-9 & 26.38-42 Phil. 2.5-8

Loving Authority God the Christ Father
Man
the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God (1 Cor. 11.3) Christ Man Willing Submission Woman

P O M Father Christ Ma Husband Boss Parent Elder R G R C F A n I E K H A R M N N U M R A C D P R I I N I E L C L A P R A Y H G L C E E Christ Ma Woman Wife Worker Child Saint E n Willing Submission
W Loving Authority

Divine Order: Loving Authority and willing Submission Appropriate even if a partner is not fulfilling their role 1 Peter 3.1-7 be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a wordby the conduct of their wives

Divine Order: Loving Authority and Willing
Submission
Appropriate even if a partner is not fulfilling

their role Mutual principle: Context of 1 Peter 2.1217; 3.13-17 Special situations: Abuseremember competing jurisdictions & persecutions & protection (e.g. of the children) Unbelieving Spouse (1 Cor. 7.12-16) Key: Disposition
New Beginnings: Loving Authority

Design: Genesis 2:24-25 (used in four NT passages & prescribe four principles) 4.Ephesians 5.25-31 Male Responsibility: To love at a quality equal to the love Christ has for the His bride love your wives JUST AS Christ also loved the churchand gave Himself for her (v. 25)

Design: Genesis 2:24-25 (used in four NT passages & prescribe four principles) 4.Ephesians 5.25-31
Christ: that He sanctify and cleanse

herpresent her (vv. 27-28); sanctify= pure; cleanse=undefiled; spot=stain; wrinkle=fold
Selfless action: He would do what ever it

would take for His beloved to be as readied as possible

Design: Genesis 2:24-25 (used in four NT passages & prescribe four principles) 4.Ephesians 5.25-31 Male Responsibility: nourishes & cherishes it, just as the Lord does (vv. 28-31); nourishes=provide food, rear; cherishes=take care of with concern Comparison: Similar selfless actions of Christ
New Beginnings: Application

Engaging your role Fulfilling your role well: Loving Authority/Willing Submission Personal: Before God in the unseen heart Home: Balanced Father; loving your spouse (as Christ loved the Church; respecting your husband (as the church to Christ) Parenting: Roles/duties; exasperating children Work Place: Willing submissiongrumbling and disputing (Phil. 2.14) Assembly: Your role; your part in the picture(s)
Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Proverbs 24:3-4 Through wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches Key raw materials for marriage

wisdom=knowledge put to practice (e.g. Ex. 28.3; 31.3, 6; Is. 10.13) understanding=comprehension, insight, discernment (Is. 33.19; Dan. 1.20; Pr. 15.21) knowledge=[root] knowledge gained by the senses; personally obtained (Cf. Pr. 20.5)
Proverbs 24:3-4

1 Peter 3.7: dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to weaker vessels, and being coheirs that your prayers be not hindered understanding=to come to a knowledge base as a result of experience & therefore learning Areas: Spiritual, soul (mind, will, emotions), and physical

1 Peter 3.7: giving honor to the wife, as to weaker vessels, and being co-heirs that your prayers be not hindered
giving honor=to set a price upon; assignment of value/status to someone; ascribe worth; esteem; respect; revere Practical: What you notice; when you notice; how you notice; where you notice

1 Peter 3.7: as to weaker vessels, and being co-heirs that your prayers be not hindered weaker vessels=without strength physically speaking (perhaps emotional reference, not intellectual); differences
co-heirs=one her participates in the same lot prayers=assumes ongoing prayer

Ephesians 5.33 Husbands: in particular, so love your own wife as himself Insight: It is selflessness; it is thinking & doing in a manner that only considers the other persons needs, aspirations, and good; it ascribes worth (i.e. honor) Fundamental: It is the fundamental need of a daughter, woman, and wife

Ephesians 5.33 Wives: let the wife see that she respects her husband respect=to show great reverence or awe; rooted in the idea of fear Insight: Men will seek such respect from you or from someone else Fundamental: It is fundamental part of a mans needs

Conclusion:
Husbands: Give your wives no reason to fear Wives: Give the respect for without the motivation of fear 1 John 4.18: there is no fear in love; perfect love casts out all fear

Men and Women are different (1 Pet. 3.7) Personality Type (Melancholy, Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic) Emotions Love Language Fleshly Struggles (e.g. pride, lust appearances, security, bitterness, jealousy, etc.)

Spiritual Gift(1 Cor. 12.12-25) Comprehending the differences: If a foot should say, Because I am notis it not of the body? (v. 16)) Appreciating the perspective: If the whole body were an eye...where would behearing? (v. 17) Valuing its necessity: the eye cannot sayI have no need of you (v. 21)

Spiritual Gift Expression: 1 Pet. 4.10: As it one has received a gift, minister it Eph. 4.16: effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth Spouse: Let him or her express it; keep each in balance; be mindful of your other responsibilities

Sentinel Spiritual Decisions Convictions: but beware lestthis libertybecomes a stumbling block to those who are weak (1 Cor. 9.4-13)
Call: he is a chosen a vessel of mineI was appointed a preacher and an apostlea teacher of the Gentiles (Acts 9.10-19 1 Tim. 2.7)

Purpose: To be understood and understand; it
is the need of every man, woman, & child. Gods passion too: Is. 1.18: Come let us reason together Job 38-41: Now prepare yourself like a man and I will question you
Communication:

James 1.19 (cf. Pr. 10.19. 17.27) Quick or swift=ready or promptto hear Slow=comes from root: delayto speak Insight: You are not merely waiting for your
turn to speak, make your case, or win the argument
Communication: Principles

Goal is to understand: You may need to work at it Proverbs 20.5: Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, But a man of understanding will draw it out Insight: Take what you know of your spouses personality, bents, needs and burdens to create the atmosphere that welcomes the thoughts of your spouse

Goal is to be understood: You may need to work at it Suitable: Prov. 25.11: A word fitly [suitable; beautiful for the occasion] spoken is like apples of gold Timing: Prov. 15.23: a word spoken in due season, how good it is Method: Prov. 27.14loud voiceearly in the morninga curse

Goal is to be understood: Method (contd): ; Prov. 15.1 soft answerturns away Content: Eph. 4.29Let no corrupt communicationbut what is good for edification [increase the potential]
Manner: Col. 4.29 speech seasoned with salt (Cf. Pr. 10.21; 15.4, 7; 16.2124; 22.17-18; 25.11; Ec. 10.12)
Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict Resolution Brokenness Forgiveness Restoration
Contention or Conflict Prov. 18.19: A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle Insight: You cannot let offense or conflict go unaddressed Results: Spouses whose hearts are barred shut, yet sleeping in the same bed
Contention or Conflict Prov. 20.3: It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel. Insight: It is an honor not to quarrel; it is not an honor to win the argument, to speak louder, to humiliate/embarrass the other person, to have the final word None of those things bring honor or respect
Contention or Conflict Prov. 17.14: The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore, stop contention before a quarrel starts. Key: Stop before it gets started Thus: Recognize what is going and diffuse the time bomb
Contention or Conflict: See yourself
1. Hatred
vs. LoveProv. 10.12: Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sin 2. PrideProv. 13.10: By pride comes nothing but strife (Cf. 28.25) 3. WrathProv. 15.18: A wrathful man stirs up strife, but a man slow to anger allays contention (Cf. 29.22 and Ja. 1.19For the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God)
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 4. Contrary: Prov. 16.28--A perverse man sows strife and a whisperer separates the best of friends (Cf. 26.20) 5. Foolish words: Prov. 18.6: A fools lips enter into contentionmouth calls for blows 6. Scoffer (Critical)Prov. 22.10: Cast out the scoffer & contention will leave
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness Death to self: If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself & take up his cross (Lk. 9.23) Death to self: Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it produces much fruit (Jn. 12.24)
Contention or Conflict: Look at yourself 7. Selfishness Death to self: Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesuswho emptied himselfform of a bondservant obedient to death (Phil. 2.5-8) Marriage can be an anvil where the god of selfishness is crushed; or lives will be brokenwhich will you chose???
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations Definition: Self imposed restriction upon another that assumes they know what you are thinking, desiring or doing Insight: It is a subtle and deadly form of selfishness Insight: It comes from the flesh;
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations Psalm 62.5: My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him expectation=the thing longed for; root is to look for eagerly This is not your spouse, but the Lord; such puts your spouse in position to fail
Resolution Principle: Mt. 5.23: Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, gofirst be reconciled reconciled=to be restored to normal relations; change feelings towards; make peace
Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17; Hos. 6.6; Am.
Resolution
Incongruous: To bring worship to the Lord & not obey in being reconciled one to another (Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17; Hos. 6.6; Am. 5.21-24) Men: You must take the lead here; do not let things remain unaddressed Do not make the same mistake of Adam Goal: Not to win the argument; but to restore the relationship
Resolution Principle: Mt. 18.15: if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. Cf. Prov. 25.9: Debate your case with your neighbor & do not disclose your secret to another Insight: Settle this with your spouse; not your parents or friends or co-workers
Brokenness Brokenness: You do not desire sacrificethe sacrifices of God are a broken spirita contrite heart You will not despise (Ps. 51.16-17) Brokenness: but on this one will I lookon him who is of a poor & contrite spirit & who trembles at my Word (Is. 66.2)
Brokenness Brokenness: Josiahbecause your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I spokeand you tore your clothes and weptI also heard you (2 Kg. 22.19) Insight: Both parties must be trembling at the Word of God that applies to your portion of the problem
Brokenness Insight: Treat your sin as the only sin in the entire roomthe tax collectorbeat his breastGod, be merciful to me THE sinner (Lk. 18.11-14) Insight: The one justified is not the one monitoring the other party Insight: True brokenness is tested in your response when the issue comes up again
Brokenness 2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance 1. Diligence: earnest care or extremely concerned about the matter; not indifferent 2. Clearing: Taking definitive & determined action & you clear/defend yourself
Brokenness 2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance 3. Indignation: Appropriate anger against the sin 4. Fear: Reconstituted fear of the Lord right accountable attitude toward God 5. Vehement desire: Longing to see the wrong situation corrected
Brokenness 2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance 6. Zeal: Intense interest in Gods reestablished glory, restoring the sinner, cleaning up the situation 7. Vindication: Appropriate penalty for the wrong and wrong doer
Forgiveness Definition: Col. 1.14; Eph. 1.7 forgive =the act of freeing one from an obligation Definition: Col. 3.13; Eph. 4.32 forgive=grant freely as an underserved favor
Forgiveness Insight: Releasing or sending away anothers wrongs will be an undeserved favor to your spouse Insight: Enough cannot be done to earn it Question: How do you forgive your spouse?
Forgiveness Psalm 103.11-12: as high as the heavens are abovesois His mercyas far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us Cf. Lev. 16.15-16, 20-22: The goat sacrificed & the goat releasednever found Question: How do you forgive your spouse?
Forgiveness Romans 8.1: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus condemnation=to judge guilty & settle the case with appropriate with penalty Question: How do you forgive your spouse?
Forgiveness Heb. 8.12: For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more Insight: How can a God who knows all not remember something? Answer: Voluntarily & consistently when the Enemy comes Question: How do you forgive your spouse?
Restoration 2 Cor. 2.7-11: you ought rather to forgive and comfortreaffirm you love to him forgive=gracious gift or act; undeserved comfort=call to ones side or along side reaffirm=confirm, ratify, validate in a legally binding manner

Restoration 2 Cor. 2.7-11: lest Satan should take Problem: Reinvestment of trustwas violated oncewill you expose yourself to this risk again? Understanding: This is what you are asking the offended to doit cannot be demanded nor expected by the offender Satan: He uses these emotions to keep marriages separated in heart and body
Restoration Gal. 6.1: if a man is overtaken in any trespass restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you be restore=to make someone completely adequate for something or function well Insight: This is what spouses do one with another on a regular basis
Restoration Gal. 6.1: restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you be gentleness=your strength under control due to your trust in His ability to handle the situation irrespective of you; outwardly it looks like mild, soft, gentle; inwardly it is pure reliance upon God

Restoration Gal. 6.1: , considering yourself lest you be tempted consider=to pay careful attention to Insight: The reason one must be meek in handling restoring brother, is due to the restorers own vulnerability to the same demise Insight: This situations demands your own humility
Potential Thunderclouds
Three Areas Finances In-Laws Parenting
Finances Attitudes: Your trust Prov. 23.5: Do no overwork to be rich. Will you set your eyes on that which is not, for richesmakes wingsthey fly away Insight: Set your eyes are on the Lord for provisions (CF. Prov. 3.5; Jer. 17.7)
Finances Attitudes: Your trust I Tim. 6.17: Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty nor TRUST in the uncertainty of riches, BUT in the living God Insight: It really does matter to God where that heart goes when in need
Finances Attitudes: 1 Tim. 6.6-10 godliness with contentment is great gain having food & clothing with these we shall be content contentment=state of having what is adequate; happy with you have & happy with what others have
Finances Attitudes: 1 Tim. 6.6-10 those who desire to be rich fall intotemptation and a snare into foolishlusts which drown pierced themselveswithmany sorrows Insight: This is a very dangerous storm: It seems beautiful but deadly
Finances Actions: 1 Tim. 6.17-19 (Cf. 1 Tim. 5.8; Acts 20.33-35) who gives us richly all things to enjoy. Let them do goodrich in good worksready to give, willing to share Insight: At first glance, it looks like we have what we have for our enjoyment Insight: Actually, we have what we have for good worksgiving & sharing
Finances Practical Approaches 1. Plan budget together (remember Prices rule) 2. Dont spend it all 3. Look for needs 4. Prayerfully met needs 5. Give without expectations 6. Receive with grace
In-Laws Attitude:
Eph. 6.2: honor your father & mother which is the first Pr. 30.11: There is a generation that curses its father & does not bless its mother Lev. 19.3: Every one of you shall revere his mother & his father
In-Laws Action: 1 Tim 5.4-8: if anychildren or grandchildren, let them first learn to showrepayacceptable to Goddoes not provide for his owndenied the (Cf. Mt. 15.4-6) Insight: Provide for your parents financially, physicallyit testifies of the faith we have in Christ
In-Laws Approach: Teach the children to honor: grandchildrento repayacceptable to God (1 Tim. 5.4-8) Differences: Unsaved parents (still honor, not repeat with discretion) Saved parents (still honor, may repeat with discretion)
In-Laws Approach: Influence: In your marriage Take your stand with the Scriptures i.e. if parental counsel/influence/advice is contrary to Scripturestand with the Word Distance: Sometimes distance is a good thing to allow your own marital identity to mature
In-Laws Approach: Influence: On your children: Take your stand with the Word with honor Dont be overly reactive Communicate your limits respectfully; give alternatives (e.g. sugar free gum; movie options; etc.) Detox wont kill you nor the kids
Parenting Children: When, how many, how often talk about it Parenting: Mutual parent support: Back each other up; disagree privately Dads role; honor each other publicly Communicate with one another Consistency: Say what you mean & do what you say
Parenting Parenting: Train for obedience: Immediately, thoroughly, consistently and cheerfully Aim for the heart: Gradual switch from obedience from fear of consequence to obedience from a spontaneously willing heart Cultivate the concept of trust: The main fiber of all relationships
Marriage is what brought us together today

Marriage Conference 2012

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Marriage is what brings us together today

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Original Foundation Destroyed: Genesis 3:1-19

Headship illustrated through this relationship (v. 23)

New Beginnings: Headship

New Beginnings: Headship

just as the Church is subjectjust as Christ loved the church (5.24-25)

New Beginnings: Headship

The Lord Jesus: Headship

Baptism Matt. 17.5: Transfiguration John 5.19-20: Conversation

Jn. 5.30; 6.38;

New Beginnings: Headship

New Beginnings: Headship

New Beginnings: Headship

New Beginnings: Headship

Appropriate even if a partner is not fulfilling

New Beginnings: Loving Authority

New Beginnings: Loving Authority

Christ: that He sanctify and cleanse

Selfless action: He would do what ever it

New Beginnings: Loving Authority

New Beginnings: Application

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

co-heirs=one her participates in the same lot prayers=assumes ongoing prayer

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge

Contention or Conflict Resolution Brokenness Forgiveness Restoration

Marriage is what brought us together today

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